The number of political parties in India is simply phenomenal. New parties crop up every year which, even in a country where citizens do their night duty perfectly irrespective of whether they pay heed to other duties, easily outnumber the number of birthday parties. Karthik recently joined the list of actor turned comedians like Pandiarajan, Bagyaraj etc, when he announced his affiliation to All India Forward Block, which planned to contest in a mammoth 2 out of 232 seats all over Tamil Nadu. The party later withdrew from both the seats since the party members unanimously decided that the deposit money could be used to buy tea instead. Inspired by Karthik, I have decided to float my own party which will contest in the next elections.
The first task was to decide the name of the party. Since the party has its base in Tamil Nadu, I decided that it must incorporate Dravidian principle for it to even stand a chance. Dravida Munnetra Kazhakam, Anna Dravida Munnetra Kazhagam, Marumalarchi Dravida Munnetra Kazhakam and Desiya Murpoku Dravida Kazhakam were already taken. Even Karadi Kutti TR
has a Latchiya Dravida Munnetra Kazhakam, the only possible latchiyam of whose members is to find out what lies inside TR's beard. So, with almost all the Dravidian names taken, I am going with the only name spared. My katchi will be called Rahul Dravida Munnetra Kazhagam (RDMK)....
Being farsighted, I decided to release a ten point maifesto right away. They have been formulated with the sole aim of getting the poor people support. The rest can go to hell.
1) Free computer with matter CDs to all students who fail to make it past second standard. Provision of matter CDs makes this scheme a part of the "Suya Udhavi Kuzhu" thittam since they wouldn have anything better to do. So we keep you occupied.
2) Free cycle for all people who are below poverty line with one year International on-site warranty on the cycle chain. International warranty will be useful if your cycle faces technical problems on your way to Afghanistan (which we assume you wouldn be stupid enough to do). Note : Warranty void if your name is Cheran.
3) Free plasma colour TV for villagers, after they manage to a) build a house b)get electricty for it c)sustain electricty connection by paying the bill for one year. If not, doesn't really matter, I'll be campaigning for the next election by then, when I'll promise free house for all citizens.
4) Free 10 acres land for the poor landless farmer, for which you need to convince us that you really are poor and landless. (Fineprint, don't read : The cost of convincing us would be decided based on land prices at that time. And yeah lotsa conditions apply)
5) Free LG Microwave Oven and Jaadhika Badrinath's "Samachu podu di kasmaalam" recipe book for all poor housewives who manage to pronounce Microwave Oven without any mistake. If you have problems doing that, you get one month supply of LG Perungayam instead. Same brand, fair enough?
6) Free 10Kg Ponni Rice to all families below poverty line, provided Ms. Ponni agrees to part with her rice. If not, we are sorry, our government is committed to providing quality goods and hence we cannot give you low quality ration rice.
7) Free mobile phones for the poor under the "One Kuppam" scheme. Since people in the area speak at aaproximately 120 decibels, it involves the use of cutting edge technology to dampen these voice signals by pouring water from the top, to make sure the entire kuppam does not overhear you.
8) Free ceiling fan to all those who live in huts. Our team is already trying to figure out how this could be done. Once that is done, every family gets a free ceiling fan provided they have facilities to fix a switch board on the wall.
9) Free washing machine will be given to all poor families that have the habit of washing their clothes. This scheme will be implemented after approval from the Prime Minister, Finance Minister, Home Minister and the Chief Ministers of all states, just to make sure that the scheme is not implemented in 5 years. We take complete responsibility in blaming one of the above mentioned persons for the delay in implementation.
10) Add to the greenery of the state with the "Pothar valarpom, pin matter seivom" scheme.
I promise that I shall be committed and work towards the fulfilment of the above objectives. Seeya in five years time! :-)