Celebrity Cricket League : Whattey!

While the Indian team was busy visiting moothra sandhu's in Australia & moochu thenara thenara adi vaangifying, BCCI called for a meeting of all jobless celebs from across the country. TN was represented by a 3 member team of Sarathkumar, Srikanth & Vikranth who have been relatively free since the birth of Jesus Christ. AP was going to send that Country Club Reddy fellow since all he does is pose for photo with his thumbs up, but had to send Venkatesh since Reddy was in a photo shoot. Karnataka sent some 20 stars, but none of them have reached the airport yet; they are believed to be still on their way. Kerala was a bit busy striking against a strike that was unsuccessful the previous week. Salman was supposed to represent Mumbai but was not allowed into the venue since the security guard did not recognize him in t-shirt. And the result of this crucial meeting is what we know as the Celebrity Cricket League.

The CCL had the ingredients required of success. One, cricket. If 'Watching Cricket' is not listed as a hobby in one's resume, it could result in cancellation of Indian citizenship. Two, cine stars. Nobody reads about Mother Teresa, but everybody loves to know about mother of Trisha. And mouth waterfalls are opened when heroines with open hair jump around waving flags, biting nails. [ FYI, grandmothers would call this 'dharidhram' or 'peedai' and blame you squarely for not providing a conducive atmosphere for Lakshmi to enter the house ]

But I was not too fond of it. Though the cricket was ok considering it was not being played by professionals, it was a little drab. You know. Like watching that flute Ramani play the flute on mute. [ FYI, this is called a TRhyme. New word. ] But it was not until the last two matches or something that I paid attention to the commentary. It was just legendary. If all the vaakkiyams spoken by commentators Mohan Ram, Balaji & Badava Gopi were sethukkified in Thanjavur kalvettu, sori naai would have lifted one leg and gone chuchu on it. Like I said, leg-undery.

Like many others, I live tweeted a lot of it. But did not like that it was buried somewhere. So what follows is purely a collection of the commentary I heard, mostly by legendary commentator Mohan Ram. Slight twist. What if Goundamani was the co-commentator?

Read On . . .

"Indha stadium la oru beautiful atmosphere, appadiye Adelaide maadhiri"
Dei parachute mandaiya. *slap* Adelaide-a munna pinna map-la paathirukkiya nee? Nee vaangara anjukkum paththukkum unakku indha vilambaram thevaiya?

"LBW na enna nu inga neraya paerukku theriyaathu. LBW na leg before wicket"
Pinna naanga mattum enna edhavathu ketta vaarthai na sonnom? Periya Vivekanandaru. Ivarukku therinja karuththa makkalukku parappuraaru, naaye!

"enna kaetta avar risk edukkama cricketing strokes aadarthu safe"
Dei. Ippo unna yaaru kaetta? Kai la mic kodutha enna vena pesiduviya nee? Ippo cricketing stroke aadunga, safe-umba. Appuram aanurai poattu aadunga, safe-umba. Yaenda imsai pannareenga?

"beautiful atmosphere. the crowd is going hunky dory"
Dei dori kanna. Edho rendu word manappadam pannitu vandhu film kaatariya? Indha dakaalti ellam en kitta venaam. Ozhunga pesu da!

"that is a beautiful flick, illa cut. eppadi vena sollalam"
Echa kala naai nu sollalama? Therila na therila nu sollu. Flick kum cut kum enna da sammandham parangikka mandaiya!

"Vishal face la paatheenga na oru innocent boyish smile...oru impish smile"
Yaen, studio la puli bommai pakkathula nikka vechu photo edukka poriya? DSLR vechirukkaran, tripod vechirukkaravan ellam photographer-aam. Ada naatula indha photographer tholla thaanga mudila pa.

"theriyatha neyargalukku sollaraen. wide ball-na leg side la pona adhu wide ball"
Ei. Stop. Makkale nalla kettukonga. Ippadi dhaan oorukulla romba paya thiriyaraan. Ball nalla neettama irundha adhu wide ball-mban. Indha ayogya payala nambatheenga.

"Sudheep is playing a brave innings here" [ Sudheep is on 2* ]
*slap* Rendu run adichathu brave innings na, oorukulla avan avan 99 century adichuttu thiriyaraan, adhellam enna da solluva?

"now Mohan Ram joins us in the commentary box. Avar senthamizh la periya expert"
Senthamizh la pesa inga enna pattimandrama nadatharaanga? Illa indha naai tholkaapiyatha mozhi peyarka pogutha? Aiyyayyayyo. Tensan, tensan, tensanappa!

"that is an agricultural shot"
*slap* unna ippadi ellam pesa solli yaar da solli kodukkara?

"they are singing hose-annas for Rishi"
Yaar avaru? Unna annar-a? Nee mudhal-la naan sollartha correcta repeat pannu: 'Pushpam azhagaga poothirundhathu'. Enga sollu paapom.

"Vishal vandhu namma Dhoni maadhiri"
Appo Dhoni enna unga chithappa maadhiriya? Narayana, indha kosu tholla thaanga mudila da, marundhu adichu kollunga da!

"actually paatheenga na, cricket la by-runner vechu odarthu romba kashtam"
Yaen nee odi paathiyaakum? Paradesi naaye. Romba pesina orey app-a appi puduven.

"adhu oru costly miss-a irukkum nu nenaikkaraen?"
Yaen andha miss-u cheap-a irundha vilaikku vaanga poriya?

"usually ball endha pakkam move aaguthu nu kandupudikka wicket keeper endha pakkam poraaru nu paakanum"
Dei. Andha naai daily somba thookittu vaaikaal pakkama pogum. Neeyum pona paakkalam.

"future-la indha event innum massive-a nadakkum. appadiye expand aagi hollywood heroes aaduvaanga nu naan ethir paakaraen"
Aama. America la Michael Jackson kooptaaha. Sappan la Jackie Chan kooptaha. Enna da color color-a reel vidara? Vettiya irukkara naalu naainga-la kooptu cricket aadittu, ennavo olymbic nadathara maadhiri build up kodukkaranya.

"oru clock-la eppadi ella mul-um correct velai seyyanumo, adhey maadhiri dhaan broadcasting. andha video room ku ponaen. wire-ellam appadiye katti vechirukkanga"
Aamam, avuthu vecha nee dhaan uruvittu poiduviye. Time paaka theriyaatha naai ellam gadigaaratha vechu analogy pesuthu da Narayana!

"umpires paatheenga na vellarikkai maadhiri cool-a irukkanga"
Yaen uppu molaga podi thadavi beach la vikka poriya? Nee kooda dhaan parangikkai maadhiri veengi poi irukka. Idhellam commentary-a da?

"indha tournament paatheenga na ICC rules padi dhaan aadarom"
Idhu ICC ku theriyuma? Appo ICC rules padi dhaan Namitha va andha pakkam sightscreen-a nikka vecheengalakkum?

"and he's a goner"
Periya British Governor General ivaru, puriyaatha English la mattum dhaan pesuvaaru. Komutti thalaya!

"I think this is a very important wicket"
Soringa officer. Nee I think pannadhu podhum. Poi annanukku oru tea sollu po naaye.

"Naan inga Saba Karim kitta kaettaen. Adhu out nu dhaan sonnaru"
Avan enna janadhibadhi-a? Kari kadai-la velai paatha naai-ku ellam cricket-a pathi enna da theriyum?

"according to ICC rules..."
Enna? Unna thookki poattu midhikkanuma?

"Run out kodukkareengalo illaiyo, kadaisi pandh-il run illai. Chennai Rhinos vendru vittargal" [ When it was 1 run to tie and a run out was being referred to the third umpire ]
Nee sonna indha vaakkiyatha Thanjavur kalvettu la sedhukki vechuttu adhu pakkathulaye okkandhukka. Unakku pinnadi vara sandhadhigal, adha paathu padichu thelivu adainjuppanga

"Chennai vendru vittargal. emotional scenes. Vishal stadium-ai suthi vandhu, kai koopi, kai yendhi..."
Pichai edukkaraar-a? Appadi edutha dhaan nee pichai poda poriya? Un pocket la irukkara naalna ku unna ulla vittadhe thappu. Odi poidu.

There stops my memory & there ends my effort to archive this pokkisham. If you know any more commentary means, pliss to share. If world is destroyed and blogger server is excavated by some future species, I want them to know about CCL & Mohan Ram. [ Note to Future: Hey future species, Mohan Ram could be your dad. Ask mom. ]

I would like to take this opportunity to thank Mr.Mohan Ram and his ghoshti for making CCL an entertaining event. I read some one saying that Bharat Ratna should only be awarded to people who do things beyond their paying jobs. I hereby extend my fullest support to recommend Mr.Mohan Ram for the award. If Ratna is not possible, atleast some Bharat Pithalai or something should be given. Idha pathi naan Home Minister kitta pesaraen!

CCL. Well, I don't care if they do this to all sports as long the commentary is by Mohan Ram. Like you know, Celebrity Chess League, "Andha kudhirai egiri guthithu L-shape-il sendrathu"

But I would like to summarize CCL using one of the most irritating viral thingies that has been polluting my FB feed. Simply. Because being the irritator feels good.




Okbye!

PS: Mohan Ram has a blog. mohanramanmuses @ blogspot. Check out. Killer header image :P