Happy Birthday :-)

After a week's hiatus, I now have enough time to say . . .

Happy Birthday to me :-)

Gifts in the form of cash, DD, non-bounceable cheques and google amukks are all appreciated

Kaun Banega Lakshmipathi

Blogosphere's 'hottest' ever game show!!

Hosted by Algitab Periyavan.

What is Kaun Banega Lakshmipati?
It's this big game show produced by Buddharth Basu with big prizes!

What do the winners get?
The winner gets to marry Lakshmi and thereby he becomes Lakshmi'pathi'. He/she may also choose any other equivalent prize like a free trip to hell, sitting next to SRK* in the bathtub etc etc.

Lakshmi? That Tamil Cine actress??
No no, not her. She got married only last month.

Adhu pona mosam. Am talking about this month...!
That's not possible. She exceeded the bound for number of legal marriages allowed. The IPC Section 969 does not permit more than 1,28,765 marriages in a calendar year.

So how do we enter the contest?
Every show will have ten participants who play the Biggest Tongue First challenge. The person with the longest tongue will move to the hot seat. To be fair to both genders, 99 cm will be subtracted from a woman's tongue length since they exceed the average tongue length of men by approximately that amount.

Hot seat? What's that?
That's where you'll sit and play the game in front of Algitab Periyavan. This one.

Oh! How long should we sit on it?
Till you win the game. That'd be five questions to answer correctly.

What do I win at each stage?
Initially the hot seat will be seat to 10,000 celsius. As you answer correctly the temperature will reduce to 5000, 2500, 1000, 500 and finally 0. That's when you'll complete the game and become a Lakshmipathi.

What if I answer wrong?
You will be made to run in the sun or in Chennai like Mudhalvan Arjun.

That's worse!! Do I get any help inbetween?
You have four lifelines to help you. 50:50, audience poll, phone a paradesi and flip.

What is 50:50?
The number of options to choose from will be halved and the temperature of the hotseat will be doubled by using this life line.

Oh!! What is audience poll?
You can ask the audience for help. But take care to ask questions which are only as tough as "What is Rishi Kapoor's surname?". Anything other than that is beyond the scope of the audience.

And what's Phone a Paradesi?
You can use this to call up your equally dumb friend and take his help. You have thirty seconds to read out your question. After that the line will get cut.

What about flip?
By using this lifeline you can change your question and at the same time flip your hotseat to sit more comfortably with the burner facing down.

What if I win and Lakshmi refuses to marry me after I win?
You will win one year free supply of Burnol to take care of your affected areas.

What if I don't make it to the hot seat?
Then you won't need Burnol.

No, I mean what do I get if I don't make it to the hot seat?
A cool butt.

I mean isn't there a Har Seat Hot Seat contest?
Oh that . . . you can play along with the participant using your computer. If you get the most questions right, you will get a chance to stand up and wave to the crowd.

And after that?
You have to sit down.

Isn't there any money involved?
Yeah, you can get as much as 2 crore rupees.

Hey that's cool. How?
Robbing a bank perhaps. You get 1 year imprisonment free with this scheme. Or google ad amukki this beggar boy-a panakkaram aakkalam. Please do the needful

So who all can play KBL?
Anybody who has watched Algitab Periyavan movies, refused to go to school during his/her childhood and has atleast nineteen such experiences to share during the show.

Disclaimer : Applying Burnol is the sole responsibility of the contestant and any such requests shall not be entertained.

Note : Guys, do you think this is good enough to be a series? If so, who do you want to see as the participant? If not, you may still say a few bad words in the comment box :-)

*SRK = Shahrukh Khan and NOT Sudhish

King or Queen?

Lux has completed 75 years in the industry and it seems to be celebrating it in style by roping in Shahrukh Khan for their latest ad. At first glance, I was excited hoping to see a babe in the bathtub filled with rose petals a la American Beauty. But it was Shahrukh saying, "I am going to reveal my beauty secret - LUX", with one those 'provoking' looks. I had every reason to believe Mani Shankar Aiyar would schedule an appointment with him next week.

In an era obsessed with equality of women, every woman achiever is proudly hailed for venturing into fields dominated by men. Here we have an exception on our hands. One man ventures into unexplored grounds viz. a bath tub filled with rose petals that had long been associated with babes like Hema Malini, Sridevi, Juhi Chawla and Ravi Krishna. King Khan stands out. Thank heavens he did not choose to do it literally and was complacent to remain seated in his bath tub. Shahrukh's long hair, which I believed was for some film, started making more sense now. Just that they had to advance the ad shooting by a couple of months.

Beauty has invariably been associated with the female gender. It is nice to see a babe sitting in the bath tub with froth covering the essential areas alone and a smooth soap sliding on her smoother skin. The entire thing has a nice feel to it. It is thus complete injustice to have Shahrukh in such an ad just because he has this smoothy skin, totally waxed chest, long hair and willingness to jump into a rosy bath tub. If at all there is a sequel planned, I just hope they don't make Shahrukh, dressed in his undergarments, dance in some waterfall. Or else he might, for all you know, be forced to lead the protest by Mumbai bar dancers against the government.

An ad targetting men generally needs to cover all the galeej aspects - dripping sweat, dirty clothes, bacteria underarm to name a few. Why this formula, nobody knows. Probably they try to portray men as active and hardworking and show the consequences of being so. All prodcuts meant for men are thus extremely strong, including the red Lifebuoy that was once believed to be used in the construction of Red Fort. Men stink, but are condemned to a worse fate with Lifebuoy and so they stink further while women use fragrant soaps. This unwritten rule was not followed by Medimix and Margo and they ran out faster than Sibiraj films. The Lux ad is thus seen as a breaker of barriers. But replacing this by rose petal filled bath tub? We prefer to stink!

If the trend continues, we might end up seeing a whole lot of innovative ads. Radhika might be roped in for Gillette Mach3 considering she has more facial hair than most men while Murali who speaks in a very low tone might endorse Whisper. Ravi Krishna will be benefited the most with offers from both sides.

The ad was thus clearly an attempt to lure in more men to use Lux. Probably the bathtub could not be done away with coz it held some sentimental value and Shahrukh was victimised. With such a repelling portrayal, they'll get just two new customers - Mani Shankar Aiyar and Shahrukh himself. It would have been a lot better if Shahrukh was applying soap to some babe in the frothy tub. That's targeting the audience!!

King Khan must definitely get out of that tub as soon as possible. Hopefully that happens behind the scenes.

Seven is big!

Me was tagged by Vikki to do this tag. People usually go beserk to learn they've been tagged. I try to make the other person repent for having tagged me ! Over build up-la? Summa dhaan. Okie here starts the vetti tag . . .

7 Things You Plan to do before u die

• Get a B.E. from Anna Univ
• Work in a big company
• Correct the figure in the neighbouring cabin
• Marry her, divorce her and move to another neighbouring figure
• Resign job when all neighbouring cabins visited
• Become MP citing above qualifications
• Vaasthu padi change the name of India

7 Things You Can Do

• Kiss Aishwarya Rai
• Hug Sania Mirza
• Date Sharapova
• Turn off the TV when it's Venus Vs Serena
• Play "natural game" ;-)
• Sing like Karthik, the actor
• Act like Karthik, the singer

7 Things You Cant Do

• Speak bad about Captain
• Watch the (tennis) ball in women's tennis
• Wash my jeans pant
• Watch late night movies with the volume turned on
• Apologise to Nila for biting her too hard
• Keep count of Dada's failures
• Look at TR and smile

7 things that attract you to the opposite sex

• Long hair
• Short tongue
• Left Eyebrow
• Right Eyelash
• Juicy lips
• Transparent dress &
• Sex!

7 things u say most (suitably censored wherever applicable)

• Loosu
• Saniyan
• Naaye
• Hair
• Sexual Intercouse
• Person having sexual intercouse
• Other things that are completely censored except in SJ Surya movies

7 celebrity crushes

• Sania Mirza
• Maria Sharapova
• Anna Kournikova
• Asin
• En range-ku vaera yaarum illa, so idhoda pass

PS : I also like Mango crush and Strawberry crush

7 People I tag

• Laloo Yadav - paruthikottai.com
• Kris Srikkanth - naturalgamekelocharubhai.com
• Captain - namadhuvijayakanth.com
• Simbhu - jettyjaya.com
• Amitabh Bachan - matajimeinamitabachanbolrahahoon.com
• Sania Mirza - praveensvalentine.com
• Sharapova - praveensmine.com

Note : Any questions regarding the truth of the above answers shall not be entertained. They are true to the best of my limited knowledge

And yeah, next time tag koduckkarchae chinna number-a kodunga pa! Seven is big!!

Karmam!

Ever noticed the ads for these toilet cleaning agents? They have certain things in common . . .

• Every damn ad shows a toilet which would make you puke right that instant. They look centuries old, like say Mangal Pandey was using them while he was dragged outside and hanged before he could pour some water.
• There is a lens which zooms this nasty lil thingy and voila! Micro-oragnisms are seen.
• Some of these organisms discuss strategies to spread deadly diseases like Captain chalking out a plan to kill Bakistan Deeviravaathigal.
• And now the bluish cleaning agent is poured . . . all the germs die as revealed by the lens which reappears.
• This sparkling white toilet then inspires Mangal Pandey to rise from his grave to continue where he left off.

All these cliched advertising tactics are accepted. But have you ever noticed the time these ads are aired on TV? Prime time, 9:00 P.M, just when you sit in front of the TV with delicious food prepared by your mom!! Is this some awareness campaign to suggest that whatever one eats, they have to use these antique toilets which has germs scheming to attack your butt and cause AIDS?? Cha!

One particular company has roped in a celeb to go around with their "XYZ Challenge". If you have a badly stinking unusuable Mangal Pandey toilet, you just accept the celebs challenge and he'll come home and clean it for you while you sit back awestruck!! Endha madayan-oda idea-vo therila! Our Govt. can probably challenge this guy to clean all public toilets in Chennai, after which our celeb might have to be a permanent Builiding Contractor of Kaekraan Maekraan, Begreen.

This is how the ad actually goes . . .

Lady : Hai! You are the guy from Kyunki Uncle Bhi Kabhi Aunty Thee right?? Come in come in, wanna have something to eat?
Celeb : Show me the toilet!
Lady : Oh you've come for the XYZ Challenge is it?
*Me : Pinna un veetla thalai deepavali kondaadava varuvaan!!*
Celeb : Yes, what do you think about this toilet?
*Me : Mein Audience Poll use karna chaahtha hoon!*
Lady : This was built by my great grandfather, haven been cleaned ever since.
*Me : Obviously!*
Celeb : Do you think that these stains would go?
Lady : Definitely not. I've tried various methods, no use.
*Me : Bathroom poga try paneenga seri, clean panna try paneengala?*
Celeb : Ok, lets go to the challenge. Pour our XYZ liquid and wait for 15 mins. Now pour water and here you go!
Lady : Wow, evalo azhaga aagiduchu en toilet!
*Me : Toilet-la enna yezhavu azhagu vaendi kadakku??*

So if you are kinda busy with work, use the celeb to get the work done for you. Besides you'll be TV! Though there'll be a close up of you exclaiming about your clean toilet, you'll still be on TV!

Maarungada dei!

No Kya?

That's the verdict spelt out by Anna University, a big no to mobile phones being used inside the campus of all its affiliated colleges. In addition, a formal dress code is also being stressed. Next on line might be an emphasis on students wearing Sudarmani undergarments alone inside the campus to have a sense of uniformity.

Mobile phones have made everything quicker. You could be talking on your phone and at the same time cook, taste your food, find it bad, thow it and order for pizzas instead. You could practically do anything walking around in circles except probably take a leak. Such things have made the use of mobiles indispensable, particularly so in college life. Having a bulge in the pants has become a status symbol for guys. Ofcourse, as you rightly thought, I was referring to mobile phones being thrusted into tight fitting jean pockets. Guys and gals have had to put on huge dramas at home in front of their parents convincing them that mobile phones are highly useful in case of emergencies to get hold of a Nokia 3315, which is more a sengal than a cell. It's thus a cherished possession. Gals take especially good care of their cell phones. They keep it in a fancy jigina cell phone pouch, place it in the second zip of their handbag which inturn goes into the front compartment of their bags. So by the time they pick up the emergency phone call, the emergency itself would be history. If mom calls up her gal to tell her dad is ill, dad would be hale and healthy by the time the girl picks up her mobile. But nonetheless, as students we oppose the rules imposed and thus do not welcome this move by the university.

Mobile phones are accused of distracting the students during class hours. After having had 14 odd years of schooling, the only person who would be attentive in class is the guy in the last bench who has turned his face away from the board to face the girls of his class. That's the only task carried out with full concentration. So if mobile phones are going to distract them isn't it good for the women community? Why such considerations have been taken of the picture remains hazy. The officials probably did not have anybody to ogle in their class I believe. They might have studied in Andipatti or Arasampatti but ithu singaara Chennai and figures sighting in our birth right!

Students don't listen to the lecture and keep messaging their friends is another charge against the usage of mobile phones. Lecture is derived from the Latin word 'lacktia' which means "causing sleep". A lecturer, according to Oxford's latest release is "a person who has the bad habit of talking while the others are sleeping". Such etymological evidence suggests undeniably that students don't, and are not supposed to listen to lectures failing which they might be asked to hang themselves with arana kayiru. So, here again, mobile phones make the students more active in class and encourages them to involve in worldly talk with their friends to gain infos about the Shakeela movie being played that weekend and advising him that Blue Lagoon on AXN would be a better choice, thereby establishing a medium for students from different colleges to share their knowledge.

"The productivity of a student is lost since he/she wastes time in class", said a press release by the university. This just shows the ignorance of the university officials. It is highly difficult for a guy to put kadalai from his house with his girlfriend(s) due to external disturbances viz. father and mother who insist that the same guy who studied three consecutive years in LKG, study and get the gold medal in college. Thus fulfilling such an important task can be done during class hours only. According to Euler's theorem, the probability of getting a girl friend increases exponentially with the number of figures the guy knows. So whatever talk goes on is only in the best interest of the guys future - for him to settle in life with a good gujili. Losing productivty is a lot better than losing reproductivity, right?!

Camera phones are being viewed sacrilegiously especially after the DPS MMS case. We, as mature engineering students, solemnly urge that we shall not video tape our matter experiences, if any, for it not only spoils the image of the girl, but also nullifies the chances of us staying with our parents. What those kids did was a big mistake. We have learnt from it. We shall keep matter moments within the four walls. We will just keep it for party photographing - clicking a girl when she is dancing nicely in a non-existant dress!

Finally, the formal dress code also seems out of place. The dress one wears is definitely not going to reflect his mental capabilities. Formals poataalum seri, jeans poataalum seri, illa Archimedes style-la thirinjaalum seri, loosu loosa dhaan irukkum. Technical people should be formally dressed nu endha madayan sonnathu? This decision is believed to affect the girls a lot more than the guys since they have given up the habit of wearing dresses long long ago. They were thinking about body painting when this announcement came as a shock.

All these decisions just adds an extra page to the rulebook that's being torn day in and day out by the students. Oru rule poattu, adhu break aaratha paakarthula appadi what sandhosham? Loosa avanga? Please discuss! :-D

Captain Calls

Pic Courtesy : NamadhuVijaykanth

Captain Vijaykanth is reaching out to the masses in style. He has launched his official political website, namadhuvijayakanth.com The launch of the webpage shows Captain's complete sync with the current generation. Manasu alavula enga Captain-ku innum vayasaagala!!

Captain has gone for blood red, jet black and jaundice yellow combination for the colour of his party flag which I believe are his three favourite colours after seeing such huge overcoats in Narasimha. Red symblises the raw power of Captain's eyes, black hinting at our black gold Captain himself and yellow symbolises kindheartedness which Captains displays even to terrorists by advising them before they eventually die. The homepage has a hyperlink which proves to be an innovative addition to webpages. You realise after a couple of seconds that it does the function of the refresh button. So even if u don't have a refresh button in your browser u can keep seeing the same site again and again. Its the first browser independent site I believe.

The website features various sections about Captain. There is a "Captain Kural" section which might be Captain's enlightening census talk. I did not have the time to check it out since I had just 7 hrs spare time yest. A "News" section which contains updates about Captain's latest political moves is also a feature. Captain outhinks villains in his movies by following pigeons to terrorist hideouts. Lets wait and see if Captain maintains his brilliant strategic planning in politics too. Captain-in sevai, namakku thevai!! The "Photo Gallery" is a must check out! It contains huge pics of the 'political' Captain arranged in one long row. The pics may take some time if u want to save them on your comp coz they are huge, understandably so. Amazing resolution!

What caught my attention was a "Sales" section. I hope, I just hope that it auctions Captain's cine attires. His long and bright Narasimha overcoat, the exciting two layered Vanchinathan carnival glasses, bullets which Captain has caught between his teeth may all be auctioned to fetch some money to aid Captain's roll in politics.

So, what are you waiting for? Go right there. . . and ofcourse come back here share your thoughts! :-)

Vaazhga Thamizh. Valarga Captain!!

Note : Thanks to Mr. Narayanan for the link. And I've been editing this post constantly to praise Captain as much as possible. Puns are purely, totally and completely left to your perception! :-)