2011 - Year in Mokkais

Yo boys. I am write blog. Mokka blog.

As I write this, India is mukking in Aus. 11 paeru. Moochu thenara thenara adikkaranunga. Mokka start to 2012. Mokka ending also predicted by Mayans. Gods are probably talking about it.

Shiva: Dei Vishnu
Vishnu: Yes mama
Shiva: I am only destroyer no?
Vishnu: Yes mama
Shiva: Then why you need Kalki avatharam? Sit simply.
Vishnu: 10 is very round number da. They took movie also with that name. So I will wonly take off da.
Shiva: Ok po, when you are taking da?
Vishnu: This year only, I think.
Shiva: What?? This year-a? Have you taken birth and all?
Vishnu: Yes da
Shiva: Adapaavi. Who?
Vishnu: Sachin da. People also know. They call me God.
Shiva: Semma. Destroy off today then. Very tiring, this job.
Vishnu: Pls machi. Innum orey oru century adichuttu...
Shiva: Aiyo, bleddy fellow, what is it with you and round numbers? I give you till end of year ok? If not I will destroy off.
Vishnu: Nanbaen da!

Ok mama. Now tune change-u. Small size mokkais about last year-u. Mostly english-u.

Ready. 1 .. 2 .. 3 .. 4 .. !

Gautham Menon released Nadunisi Naaigal without any BGM. Also without any story, screenplay and direction.

Captain caused confusion after a newspaper quoted him as saying, "Raja sould be arrusted for causing loss to the eggs checker". He supposedly meant exchequer.

Raja was arrested and sent to Tihar. Took offence when the jailor tried to console him saying, "(h)otha hai".

Animal Planet acquired 50% stake in Kural TV. TR released the Afro music that has since been scientifically proven to turn on a female hippopotamus.

India won the cricket world cup after 28 years. Indians were overjoyed that there will be no more Hindi interviews of Kris Srikkanth describing the catch which Kapil pakda for Richards out karne ka.

Sachin was spotted outside TASMAC with RC & water packet after he overheard Sreesanth speaking to his mom, "Enda amme, totally rendu world cup medal kitti"

Kalmadi was asked to organize the Common Wealth Games, and was arrested for taking it in the literal sense.

Before killing Osama, the NAVY SEALS asked him, 'Do you have a last wish you mother f*****?' He replied, 'Yes, kill me before RA.One is released'.

Jaya became CM. Praised Anna naamam & MGR naamam. Iyengars confused.

Inflation was a major issue. Especially for Thala Ajith.

When asked if he does any homework to practice his expressions, Cheran revealed that he does not go two bathroom during the entire shooting schedule.

Kalimozhi sent to Tihar. A visibly happy Raja called the jailor and told him, "(h)otha hai".

Jaya wrote 18923 letters to PM in 3 months. Not sure if they contained 'Will you have fraanship with me?' messages.

Amar Singh tried out phone sex. There was a leak and the world came to know. Pun unintended.

Farmers in UP protested that they could not live on Rs.32/day if Rahul Gandhi ate their dinner every night.

Vaughan suspected that Laxman used vaseline on his bat. Could be true or false depending on what bat he was talking about.

Troubled by Suriya's constant thoppai exposure, people suggested that BCCI send him on overseas tours to provide a flat track.

Tamil cinema got a vidi velli - Power Star Dr.Srinivsasan. He looks like shaving panna TR, that is, some one who justu missed two million years of evolootion.

There was an all India meeting to discuss why Prashanth was still acting in movies.

Gayle to WICB, "Guys, I am finally in awesome form, lets become great team!" WICB to Gayle, "Fack, you are dropped!"

Jaya announced that 250 public toilets opened by DMK will be converted to Urine Test Labs for the poor.

RA.One released. Manmohan speechless.

Sagarika Ghose conducted a interview with BabyB minutes before it was born. Later clarified that uterus cam and all was a technical glitch.

Burkha Dutt stuffed a mic in BabyB's mouth and asked how it felt. Later apologised for being naive.

Arnab Goswami questioned BabyB over the telephone and also answered on its behalf. BabyB cried and hung up.

Undiscolosed sources revealed that BabyB is currently taller than Suriya by a few inches.

Indian Kabbadi world champion team goes back home by rickshaw. Govt confessed that they were unaware of the event and thought it was Ghilli climax scene shooting for a Hindi remake.

10 Indians applied for Pakistan citizenship after they were harassed by the "Every Indian must read this" messages on Facebook.

Google search for "Vidya Balan hot" used to return images of her with an iron box. Naseeruddin Shah replaced the iron box.

Vidya Balan went to skin doctor for some treatment. Doctor told, 'It's ok ma, no need to show, yesterday only I saw in night show'.

Every one who has completed saralivarisai came up with a Kolaveri video.

Sharad Pawar slapped hard. Doctors confirm that it is a medical miracle that his face is still distorted.

TR danced topless in African forest. The term 'flash mob' was coined.

Godrej agreed to sponsor a saavi koththu for STR's kaakavalippu problem after seeing his love anthem.

Poonam Pandey offered to strip if Sachin scored his 100th ton. Sachin said, 'Podi Pandey', and later admitted to making a typo while speaking.

Kapil Sibal wanted Facebook to hire people to manually read through every single update posted. Somebody needs to tell him that all IT employees do this only.

PM visited Chennai to accept Jaya's fraanship request and collect any letters that have not been posted yet.

Captain was arrested for waving a black flag when PM visited Chennai. He was released after he clarified that he was actually drying his komanam.

After finding out that Power Star Dr.Srinivsan is in Chennai, Thane puyal thaane diverted itself to Cudallore.

Jodhida Megamani Lion K.Paarangal told Sachin that Sani is vakram-ly looking at him after peyarchi. So he has suggested that Sachin ethify nei vilakku in nearest Sani temple, and write 'Sachin 99+1' with kari on the wall.

Anna Hazare went without food for several days for a Lokpal Bill. Hence became the #2 Googled person in India, behind only Katrina Kaif, who released Chikni Chameli.

Poonam Pandey announced that she will strip for the New Year bash. Kapil Sibal confirms that she has nothing significant to censor.

AND

Happy New Year! =)

PS: Don't make resolution and all this year. Ulagam azhiya poguthu. Open the bottle!

Echa Pasanga Naanga

I thought I would never blog again! But, New Year adhuvuma, rendu paera echai thuppi mangalagarama oru post poda vaendiya kattaayam! :)

So here goes . . .!

Steve and Mark-nu rendu close friends. Paakarthukku rendum total opposites, aana character-wise rendum same worstu behaviour wonly. Oru naal . . .

January 1, 1968
Steve: Dei Mark, innikku New Year da.
Mark: Aiyyo! Nallavela gnabaga paduthina. Namma annachi innum daily sheet calendar kodukkala!
Steve: Yaaru Sarathkumar-a?
Mark: Chi.. namma maligai kadai annachi da.
Steve: Idhukku ellam kavala padatha Mark. Enga veetla avar pona varusham kodutha calendar use pannama appadiye vechirukkom. Adhai vaena naan unakku tharaen da.
Mark: Ennai enna muttal-nu nenachiya?
Steve: Yaen da?
Mark: Pona varusha calendar-a indha varusham eppadi da use panna mudiyum muttal. 1968 leap year-la?

*Ippadithaan chinna vayasulaenthey rendu perum romba brilliant. Oru naal they were deciding on their careers*

Continue Thupping . .

Mark: Steve, 8th standard-la 9th time-a fail aagarom. Varuthama irukka?
Steve: Illa da tension-a irukku.
Mark: Yaen?
Steve: 10th anniversary celebarate pannama poiduvomo-nu.
Mark: Chi! Vera edhavathu field-la achieve pannuvomey?
Steve: Padippu varala. Paattu varala. Drawing varala. Sports suththama varala. Ivalo yaen, pichai kooda edukka try pannitom, mudila. Idhukku maela enna da panna mudiyum?
Mark: Mudiyum. ICC panel-la umpire-a povom.
Steve: Seri ok. Porathu dhaan porom. Fourth Umpire-a povoma?
Mark: Why?
Steve: Fourth Umpire-na namma kooda andha Mandira ponnu okkarum machi. TV-la kaatuvan.

*ICC selects Steve and Mark for the job*

Steve: Cha!
Mark: Enna?
Steve: Fourth Umpire-a poda sonna, enna da field-la nikka solraanga. Orey veyyil-a irukku.
Mark: Don't worry da. Kelvi pattirukkaen ellarayum first field-la dhaan poduvaangalam. Fourth Umpire-ngarthu very senior position. As you grow unakku Mandira pakkathula seat undu.
Steve: Ennavo po. Machi naalaikku match. Indha, unakkaga naan soda bottle vaangittu vandhirukkaen. Idha udachu, kannu munnadi vechu paatha kannu paleer-nu theriyum.
Mark: Thanks da. Naan unakkaaga sunnambu vaangittu vandhirukkaen. Idha moonjila poosinda un complexion affect aagama irukkum. Appuram Sivaji Rajni maadhiri vellai-a aagiduva.

*Match Begins*

Mark: Machi nee kodutha kannadi semma sharp da.
Steve: Ellam nalla theriyutha?
Mark: Yes da. Ippo dhaan anga rendu vellai pura joing-nu paranthu poachu. Naan paathutteney!
Steve: Ada paavi. Appo ball-a paakaliya nee?
Mark: Adha pathi dhaan pesittu irukkaen!

Steve: Mark, yaenda en kai-laye innum ball irukku? Match innum aaramikkalaya?
Mark: Ada paavi. Ippo lunch break da. Un kai-la irukkartha poosanikka.
Steve: Oho. Enakku match aaramichuthu-nu yaen yaarume sollala?
Mark: Dei Sachin-a out vaera koduthaye da!
Steve: Appadiya? Yaaro nadoola howzzaaa-nu kathinaangale adhukku dhaana? Naan yaaro merattaraanga nenachu konnuduvaen-nu kai kaamchaen. Adhu dhaan out-a? Yaenda sollave illa!

Steve: Dei Mark, nee kodutha sunaambu seri illa nenaikkaraen. Eriyuthu.
Mark: Yaenda naaye kannu-la ellam poda adhu enna mai-a? Nallavela, osi-la kadachuthu-nu vaera engayum thadavama vittaye.
Steve: Ippo eppadi da manage panna?
Mark: Loosu. Kai-aala dhaaney out kaatta pora. Appuram edhukku veena kanna tharandhu vechirukka. Nalla moodikko.

Steve: Dei appeal panraanga da. Saththam kaekkuthu.
Mark: Machi Ponting edho catch-a pudichaan nenaikkaraen. Sure-a therilaye. Enna panna?
Steve: Avanaye kooptu kelu da.
Mark: Dei Ponting, catch pudichiya?
Ponting: Yes sir, one pitch one hand.
Mark: Plum out. Dei Ganguly, loosu payale, one pitch catch-la poi out aaraye vekkama illa?

Mark: Kumble, yaen ippadi kaththara?
Kumble: LB appeal.
Mark: Leg Byes-ku yaen appeal pannara nee? Kaetta koduthuttu poraen.
Kumble: Aiyyo, Leg Before Wicket. LBW.
Mark: Sellathu sellathu. Yaenda mandaya kaal-a stump munnadi vekkama pinnadiya vepaanga. Not out.

*Press Conference*
Journalist: Many decisions in this match were controversial. What went wrong?
Steve: Ofcourse, the decisions wonly!
Journalist: Why did you not refer Ponting's catch to the third umpire.
Mark: Idhu Ganguly, Ponting and naan sammandha patta vishayam. Idha oru moonavathu manushan kitta kaekka solreengala? Cha!
Journalist: Appo why is there a third umpire?
Steve: Idhu neenga avara kaekka vaendiya kelvi!
Journalist: Jaffer was bowled. But it was a no ball. Why did you give him out?
Mark: Adhu eppadi irukkara ball-a illa-nu solla mudiyum. Naan poi solla maataen! Umaachi kanna kuthidum!
Journalist: Why did you give Sachin out caught when he did not even play the ball?
Steve: Paarunga, naan menakettu andha physio payyan kitta kaettaen. Avan dhaan Sachin-ku mudhugu pudichu vidartha sonaan. So Caught Behind out. Rules are rules.
Journalist: Why did you not give Ponting and Symonds out even when they nicked the ball??
Mark: Idhukku ellam eppadi out kodukka mudiyum. Ellarum dhaan ball-a nakkaraanga!
Journalist: Nakked the ball illa nicked the ball!
Steve: Appo ball-a nikka vecha thappa?!
Journalist: Aala vidunga! Kumble, how do you feel about the umpiring? Any strategies for the upcoming matches?
Kumble: Yes. Inimae umpire kai thooka try panna non-striker-a vittu kichu kichu mootta solla porom. Vera vazhiye illa!
Journalist: Any comments on Symonds being called monkey?
Kumble: There is nothing racist about it. We called Ricky monkey too, he never bothered. Symonds-ku uruthuthu.
Journalist: Appadiya?
Symonds: Light-a!
Journalist: Ponting, shouldn't you have played the game with sportsmanship? Is this right?
Ponting: It is a matter of integrity and no compromise must be made.
Journalist: Yaarukku?
Ponting: Yaarukko!
Journalist: Last question. Umpires, neenga nallavara kettavara?
Steve & Mark: Aaah. Aaaaaaah. Therilaye pa! Therilaye!
Kumble: Appo mudhal-la kannadi-a vaangi podunga da echa pasangala!

Wish you all a very very happy new year!!! A lot of you have stayed with this blog despite all my laziness. Thanks a ton!! :)

A quick update. MBA mudiya poguthu. I begin work right from next month! Inimae enna yaarum velai vetti illatha payyan-nu solla mudiyaathu :D

Ushaar Mein Hai

Yes. Be careful when you are chatting with a girl and want to ask her "Paathiya?"

'P' and 'O' are next to each other on the keyboard.

Ushaar. Wokie? :)

'Genderal' Science

*Warning: This post contains few gross matter references. Reader discretion is advised. Children are requested not to seek parental guidance and damage their image as well as mine in the process*

Science stands for truth. Nothing is accepted without proof. Thus, speaking scientifically, political science is the best oxymoron known to mankind. A proof establishes new facts using already established facts. Like, Vijaya TR being the dad of Chimpu is an established fact [Source: Animal Planet]. Using this to establish the genetic similarities between a gorilla and chimpanzee is establishing new facts, which are increasingly more complex than the established facts. In short, this process is the sole cause of science text books being as voluminous as Vijaya TR himself. The resulting complexity makes science students wish that Newton had sat under a coconut tree instead.

Read on...

Proof was first stressed in the age of the kings in India. I am making this statement with a reasonable certainity since irrespective of whether we practice something or not, we always have ancient records which undoubtedly indicate that we were the pioneers. King Ashoka was the first to point out that war was indeed a bad thing, which he proved by making thousands of people shed blood. Pallavas proved that sea water is capable of eroding rocks by building temples along sea shores. There was thus a craze to prove anything and everything. One such proof was the gender proof. The members of a kingdom used to prove their gender to the king by going to his 'andhappuram'. The gender was determined by whether the person bent front or back for the king. This was the first ever case of gender test known to mankind.

The first gender test carried out on a global scale was in the 1960s during the Olympics, after reports reached the officials that Karan Johar was born. His/her birth made the officials realize that a middle path could be taken too. He/she opened up a new school of thought. So they started insisting on gender test to ensure fair participation in the games, especially in the women's category.

Initially, as part of gender test, the athletes were required to parade nude in front of a panel of gynecologists. This suddenly threw open a new job opportunity for millions of youngsters who realized that work could be fun. The boom of male gynecologists which started then is yet to subside, since SEX was etched in the minds of guys even before there was big bang [If you are a guy and thought this was something like gangbang, you are a potential gynecologist!]. The practice was discontinued after the news of the birth of a baby named Prakash in TamilNadu, which impregnated the delivery nurse, reached the Olympic officials.

Clinical tests which determined the chromosomes of the athlete soon came into the picture. However, the procedure was termed to be as accurate as the weather predictions of Chennai Meteorological department. When Karan Johar was certified to be male, women's welfare organization came to the rescue and filed a petition to withhold the results of such spurious tests. Trivia: Karan Johar took part in the 2000 Sydney Olympics Marathon and won the gold medal at the 2004 Athens Olympics Marathon, when he finally completed the event after numerous shittings on the way which shifted his priority from completing the event to getting the shit cleaned up soon, just like he does with his movies.

The IAAF was the first to stop this practice, not because it felt that it was humiliating, but because the athletes had to submit a urine test under close medical supervision; which means someone will stare over there when you pee into a glass, if only you manage to gather some pee under external pressure and let it go with sufficient internal pressure to satisfy the needs of the person who is probably holding the glass for you. The IOC stopped this practice after male gynecologists protested against the unnecessary use of technology which was unreliable and urged to get back to the old practice which was natural and ofcourse, a lot of fun.

The Olympics Council of Asia alone continues the practice because they think this is the coolest new thing which is in. Their records are so inaccurate that they still do not know that the process itself is inaccurate! They argue that without testing it is not possible to differentiate amongst the Chinese male and female who all have a flat nose and mostly flat everything else. Why not take gender tests as an eligibility criteria instead of making one famous and humiliating them? No, no, never, they there just for jetty....if everyhting happens according to logic, I would have to shut down this blog :)

Santhi Soundararajan was recently stripped of her silver medal in Doha Asian Games because she failed a gender test. The tests used latest technology of vethalai-la mai thadavarthu, which were far more accurate than the methods Arjun 'Sottai' Singh used to determine the percentage of backward caste people in the country. Santhi has so far been declared male twice and female once based on similar tests and the decision was based on a best of three basis. Since accuracy of the test is a concern, a best of five approach is being recommended by the Olympic Council for future games.

NDTV flashed the news as "India's Shame" because, in an attempt to deliver the news first to their viewers, it parsed the information so quickly that it interpreted "Santhi stripped of silver medal in Asian Games" as "Santhi stripped in Asian Games". With this authentic news it collected by advanced Chinese Whisper techniques, this is how they worked out their headlines: Strip = Nude = Puppy shame = India's shame. The quick work is all set to earn the channel the award for the best news channel in India for the year 2006.

The Government of India was unavailable for comment on the issue since they had much pressing issues like the performance of Indian cricket team in South Africa, deciding on the next hot chic after Sania to award the Padmashree etc to discuss in the assembly. Besides, India was already in a healthy situation with a total tally of 201 medals (in all Asian games put together, obviously) that one silver medal was going to make any difference at all. By telepathy, a far more reliable technique than gender tests, it was found that Dr. Mani Shankar Aiyer, our Sports Minister, was reflecting on his goals - to groom new talent, filter them based on looks and finally have a huggable product.

We the people of India, solemnly swear to nurture talent irrespective of caste [general category excluded], creed, religion, state and economic background [eligible if annual income > 3 lakhs] as long as you are a hot chic. If not, please apply for sports quota in IITs.

Disclaimer: Unless you are the person being accused, all these are facts. If you are being accused, you must know that the previous statement is false :)

Note: This marks my second anniversary in blogosphere. Chennai vandhu I have met bloggers on three occasions and this is my first blog :D

Lotsa topics to write on. But interest dhaan illa. To rejuvenate some interest in blogging I am gonna analyse my Google Adsense Revenues and optimize them, till I can find a better strategy :)

Hope you guys had a merry xmas!! Happy New Year adutha blog-la wisharaen! Tata :)

Err

You must have heard of reinventing the wheel, but ever heard of reinventing the clock? It's simple really. All it takes is a little bit of carelessness and people here already have the first movers advantage! :)

Decided to take part in some competitions before I get back to this blog, but why say no when something comes knocking? :)

Am pretty convinced that the web development was outsourced. But why choose one who doesn't know the difference between 'therapist' and 'the rapist'? Enna kodumai idhu, Saravanan? :)

To err is human. To forgive this, you must be a swine! :)

In other matters:
1) Vote asap if you find the choices convincing!
2) Chimpu speaks like lord langotti after doing all this.
3) If you interested in kavithai and other senti matters, go here since am trading foreign chocolates for visitors to that site and keeping up my vaakku :)

Ippothikku ambuttu dhaan. Next meet pannaraen :)

*Shock*

Before somebody asks, NO, I have neither had a sex change operation nor do I plan to have one!

Before the rest ask, NO treats shall be entertained!

Women's Day : The Complete Story

Today, millions of women across the globe are celebrating their social, political, cultural and economic achiemevents which have aided in their transformation from mere objects of pleasure to really powerful objects of pleasure. So, as always, I am commiting myself to analysing the scenario and spreading awareness about how woman have been smart enough to acquire a day for themselves and are really happy celebrating it, while the still smarter men are extremely pleased to silently watch the group of girls in such celebrations.

Let me warn you before hand that the analysis shatters the myth that women had been suppressed for many years. It's based on the fact that women suffered at the hands of men for decades and inflicted suffering for centuries. So it's basically like Da Vinci Code : totally exciting and completely false.

It all started off long long ago, so long ago that nobody could say how long ago.

Creation of Universe
God was busy creating the universe and he had only 7 days for that task. However God, being God, handled it all like a child's play. "Let there be light", he said and there was light. "Let there be animals", he said and there was the Vijaya TR family. After God received complaints of ear bleeding from their fellow animals, he thought that Vijaya TR must be made to sleep to prevent ecological imbalance. So he said, "Let there be darkness", and consequently there was Dr. Prakash and Sivakasi Jayalakshmi. Finally, the tough part. Humans. After putting a lot of thought, God created man first. He thought to himself : Umm, I can definitely do much better! He tried again and this time created woman. Now he thought : Damn my overconfidence, I swear on God, yeah that's me, that I'd never try again! Thus came two of the most important species on planet earth.

1589 BC
Man and woman did not know the very purpose of their existence in this cruel world, for there were no porno movies then. They were pretty stupid. Woman had however discovered a new weapon - her speech, one that continued to torture man for centuries to come. The fact that the speech consisted mainly of "Grrr", "Tutt tutt" and "Baa Baa Boo" did not make matters by any means soothing. Man could speak too, but he was usally left speechless, understandably so, since they had not discovered as yet that leaves could be used for clothing.

483 BC
The torture was on the rise with the woman's lexicon increasing a rapid pace and man had to find out some way to cope up. "Baa Grrr", he used to curse the guy who, of all things to do in the world, discovered clothes. If that was not enough, he haid to pay 10 pebbles for a plankton leaf skirt and coconut leaf tops for her, while there was just one type of clothing for himself- cactus briefs, which he figured he'd rather stay without.

12 AD
It was in this year that the female domination faded away a little. Man had effectively devised a method to make his female partner finally shut up. Gopale Kissne, a native of France, discovered the solution while administering mouth-to-mouth on a hawt chic and got really excited that the chic choked to death. This was later named after Kissne and came to be known French Kiss. This was, however, not a definitive solution since for figures like Soha Ali Khan, the tip of the nose was 1.4 km from the face and this made the approach difficult. Nonetheless, a revolutionary breakthrough had been made.

638 AD
In accordance with Darwin's theory of evolution, which was non-existant then, women learnt to adapt after 500 odd years of suppression. It took them such a huge span of time to realise that they could cry and use it effectively against the menfolk. So they started crying day in and day out, without glycerine, without provocation, without Ekta Kapoor and Karan Johar. All men hate tears, except Karan Johar ofcourse, and by the same non-existant Darwin's theory they knew that it would take around 500 years for them to adapt. Why the hell did the non-existant theory have to be so slow? That was still a mystery obviously because the theory was still non-existant.

1256 AD
The solution did come, but it was an expensive one. The male gender decisively concluded that to stop the tears women had to be distracted. They had to be involved in something that enchanted them. Something stupid, coz that's what girls fall for. So, men decided to send them off shopping. The possibilities were never ending since every woman was capable of identifying the difference between a Blackish Black and a Very Very Dark Blackish Blacker Black. Men were not allowed to accompany them, since women felt it was sacrilegious that men were incapable of spotting discernible variations between a Blackish Black and a Very Very Dark Blackish Blacker Black, which the men gladly accepted. Woman were thus under control, yet again.

1859 AD
Darwin proposed his theory of natural selection exactly ten years before the birth of Mahatma Gandhi. Not that this adds any significance to our analysis, just that I know these details.

1909 AD
Women finally started realising that shopping had distracted them so much that they did not even know the really obvious fact Mahatma Gandhi was forty years old, Nehru was twenty and most importantly that there was no difference between a Blackish Black and a Very Very Dark Blackish Blacker Black. So they decided to protest, make their presence felt and get back to shopping first thing the next day morning. A National Conference for Women was held to spread awareness and this was attended by 3 women from 5 countries (two of them had dual citizenship), who decided that it din matter if Mahatma Gandhi was forty and went on to discuss why one of them was wearing a Blackish Black earring for a Very Very Dark Blackish Blacker Black dress (some people held their beliefs that these were two distinct colours and that those who believed otherwise were men). The conference made waves all over the world and all women finally decided that it din matter to them if Mahatma Gandhi was forty.

1917 AD
Women in Russia demanded bread, peace, cheese and a diamond ring from the Czar on the last Sunday of February. The Czar decided to hold a meeting with women and settle the issue.

Czar : So, what is it that you people want?
Woman : (After was a quiet discussion with all her mates) Nothing.
Czar : Nothing?
Woman : (After another quiet discussion) Yeah, nothing.
Czar : Then whay are you out here protesting?
Woman : The shops are all closed on Sunday. We heard you were free, so we thought we'd just drop in.
Czar : Do you demand bread, peace, cheese and a diamond ring?
Woman : (After yet another quite discussion) Yes.
Czar : Ok, peace. Granted.
Woman : You are giving us only peace. What about the bread, cheese and diamond ring?
Czar : I mentioned peace as in lets have peace between us.
Woman : We are not going down so cheap. We want the bread, cheese and diamond ring too.
Czar : Ok ok. So you get the bread, cheese and diamond ring. Happy?
Woman : Now, what about the peace, you bastard!

The Czar abdicated. This historic day later came to be celebrated as woman's day; the last Sunday of February.

1925 AD
There cropped up a problem with having the celebration on the last Sunday of February. A teaser ad which did the rounds on lotsa television channels, "Sunday-na rendu" became so popular that the men started to read between the lines. They took it as a Government request to the public and implemented it with full vigour. By the time the Government explained that it was not a sex drive, the TVs had been switched off. So, Sunday was ruled out. The date for the event was decided with an overwhelming majority by the same 3 women from the same 5 countries, two of whom had dual citizenship. It would be March 8th, they said and so it is.

1975 AD
God is believed to have made a secret attempt in this year, breaking his vow that he'd never ever try to create another species. Ravi Krishna was born. "Old age, I need rest...whoever forced me to do this", he said under his breath and disappeared.

2005 AD
With the verdict of the 3 women from 5 countries still under effect, women have made great progress in all spheres, rendering men jobless at times. As a desperate measure to turn the tables, Shahrukh "Queen" Khan stepped into the bathtub with rose petals reassuring the world that men and women are equal.

Women now have an equal footing in the developed sections of the society and are revered all over the world. However, shopping still distracts them so much that they still do not know that if Mahatma Gandhi had been alive today he'd be 137 years old!

Happy Women's Day!!

Disclaimer : The above analysis is false to the best of the profound knowledge of a person who knows Mahatma Gandhi was born in 1869 and most importantly that there is indeed no difference between a Blackish Black and a Very Very Dark Blackish Blacker Black.

Update : On a serious note, the least I could do . . . Please Go here

Thanks a ton people!!

Fourteen months. Hundred and twelve posts. One lakh hits. Yaayy!!

Thanks a million to all those people who've visited this space, including the guy who came her looking for "Nayanthara wet saree pics" and vowed never to come back again after he learnt from my blog that Nayan was too big to be covered in a saree; and the mami who landed her searching for guidelines to make a "Kambi Padam" for her pori urundai!

Every new blogger on the block has just two things in his mind. One, to increase the blog traffic. Two, to increase the number of comments that he gets. If you disagree, then you'd probably record 8.2 Richter in a polygraph test. The easiest way to get both done, is being a hot girl or atleast pretend to be one. I used to be spellbound by their capacity to stir up 179 comments for a "I am having loose motion" blog, that includes 150 'take cares' and 29 odd suggestions to try Andial tablet, M-seal, cork etc. Narayana, indha alanjaanunga thollai thaanga mudila da. Orey kushtamappa. Since I was neither smart enough to know this strategy earlier, nor was I rich enough for a sex change operation, I was terribly stuck up with a useless blog.

It was Google which helped me increase traffic in a strategic manner by directing people searching for "Dikkilona", "Under skirt pics", "White wet saree pics" to this blog. Though such referrers made me feel as if I was the owner of Desibaba, I was extremely happy, desibaba is a popular site nonetheless. There were people who wanted to see Trisha and Kushboo taking bath and came her with great hope. Sorry to disappoint you guys. If at all you succeed in your quest, please forward them to pravunplugged@gmail.com. Am equally keen.

The spammers deserve a mention too for earnestly offering me best deals to buy anything from golf clubs to viagra pills and simultaneously making the number of comments look more impressive. I have no idea why they thought I'd be interested in playing a game as stupid as golf. It's got the fundamentals absolutely wrong. You are supposed to put the ball in the hole asap. No wonder its dumb.

I get few mails as well, from those who are not upset with my blog, for they did not come her looking for 'Mallika Sherawat Topless'. My favourite, is a mail from a Captain fan requesting me to send nice pics of Captain Vijaykant. Whatever made him think that 'nice' pics of Captain were a possibility. I din want to disappoint him anways and so I tried to upload some pics to the Google server and send it to him. Understandably, the server crashed.

Special thanks to all those who've linked me on your space despite me being a guy. Ungalukku ellam periya manasu. Neenga ellam 16 pethu big life vaazhuveenga

I realise I've been highly dormant in the past couple of months and you guys have been visiting despite that. Adhukkum thanks!!

I've said so many thanks in this post. So let me follow the protocol and mention that Mother Teresa is my role model and I'll strive for world peace!

Thank you and keep visiting!!!

The Bird Flu Bible

The detection of bird flu in India has caused great panic in many parts of the country, especially among those organisms which are apparently not birds, viz. humans. However, the birds, being the second most dim-witted creatures after George W Bush, bite the dust even before they realise that they need to panic. Thus, as an owner of a socially conscious blog, I have decided to write in detail about bird flu, so that fellow humans stop panicking and the birds realise that it's high time they start panicking.

Avian Influenza, which is better known as 'Bird Flu' among humans and simply as a 'Darned F*cking Cold' among the birds, is caused by a H5N1 Influenza virus. These sets of influenza viruses are incidentally part of an elite group of viruses that have names as dumb as those for U.S. visas. They are generally contained in the intestines of wild migratory birds, which use them as a lethal weapon when a domestic bird refuses to comply to the wild bird's demands of a one night stand. The wild birds live up to their name and go wild over the fact that they had travelled half the bloody globe just to be shown the middle claw by these desi birds. Hence, they pass on the H5N1 virus to the domestic birds which catch a really bad cold and sneeze so hard that the neighbouring domestic bird threatens it to either leave the farm or watch Aadi and Sivakasi back to back. As I said, being the second most dim-witted species on earth, they choose the latter and inevitably die.

The first case of bird flu was reported in China a year ago. It slowly spread to other species in China including snakes, squids, sea-horses, octopuses, crabs, monkeys, caterpillars, centipedes, millipedes, cockroaches etc etc, as a result of which one quarter of the Chineese population died of starvation. The Chineese birds were understandably the dumbest in their species since most of them were bound by the Imperial Decree, which explains why it all started there. (Trivia : The only non-Chineese to be bound by the Imperial Decree is George W Bush) From China, the disease spread to Thailand, Malaysia, Russia and other neighbouring nations except India where the migratory birds dare not set their claws since they heard Salman Khan was on a killing spree (one half of the casualties were shot dead by Salman himself and the other half died of disgust, watching the man topless for the 1754th time in two years). As soon as he was thrown into jail, the deer population threw a party with chants of 'Get a life, and a shirt, Salman!'. Tons of birds and animals, including Deve Gowda, attended the feast. It was during this time that a drunk wild bird approached to a desi chick for some fun, for which the desi bird said, "Saale, mein mar hee tho jaaon, par thumhare saath matter nahi karoonga" (Meaning : I'd rather watch a Karan Johar film instead of sleeping with you). Thus began the outbreak of bird flu in India.

Bird flu spreads at a rapid rate from one bird to another and is thus as fatal as watching a close-up shot of S.J. Suryah at midnight. The fatality rate for the former is however a meagre 90% in comparison to 100% for the latter. The virus spreads through the mucus and droppings of the infected bird and it is thus highly advised that these domestic birds form a Panchayat headed by a Naatamai and cage-a vittu othukki vechufy the infected birds or risk death. If the infected bird fails to comply, the Dubai technique of throwing stones is recommended. This process is widely known as 'cull-ing'. The humans, however, don't need to worry as long as they are not inquisitive enough to analyse bird droppings and mucus, or Japaneese enough to bite raw chicken.

The symptoms of bird flu are fever, cold and a severe running nose. If you become really really weak and end up saying, "What the bloody hell is wrong with me?!", it's time to see a doctor at the earliest. The doctor might advise you to take ECG, EEG, urine test, stool test, X-Ray of your right leg and a scan of your brain and analyse it greatly, by which time you might be dead. If you die, then the doctor confirms that you had an acute case of bird flu, or else it was just a bloody cold for which you had spent 25K like a nutter.

The Government is taking all necessary steps to contain the outbreak. As a first step, Salman has been released on bail. The deer population immediately announced a 'Fast until Death' protest in a remote forest area which was so remote that the Government din get to hear it. So they decided that it was better to return to their habitat and start grazing instead of trying to reach the ears of the Government past Manmohanji's turban-ed ears. Next, the authorities are culling the poultry in a 10km radius from the outbreak with special attention to those who attended the "Get a life, and a shirt, Salman!" party. The Parliament has banned chicken, turkey, duck and Laloo from the entering the Parliament. The Border Security Force has recommended huge cut-outs of Laloo to be placed along the Indian border in an attempt to scare away the even the wildest of birds. The RSS is pressurizing the Government to cancel all permissions given to latenight parties saying that it was the anti-cultural activities that caused the disease. They also hailed the chicken which said, "Saale, mein mar hee tho jaaon, par thumhare saath matter nahi karoonga" since it displayed a great deal of respect for our cultural values.

Down here in Tamil Nadu, all hospitals are on a high alert. The Chief Minister has also ordered that actor Ajith Kumar be quarantined because of his suspicious looks. There was little confusion over whether S.J.Suryah was affected, but that was clear after the actor showed his childhood photos and proved that he'd looked the same right from childhood.

So spread word guys. Please don't pan. . . *achoooo* *sniff*. . .ic.

Was with this really hawt chic named Asin yesterday. I doubt if hawt chics can cause bird flu as well. Why else would I be sneezing? :-)

Disclaimer : All names used are fictitious. Any resemblences to anybody living or dead are fictitious as well

Looking back at 2005

2005 remains a truly forgettable year plainly because of the number of disasters that caused great damage to life and property. Minus that, and you are left with a huge bunch of funny events.

Nature
2005 saw the wrath of mother nature. After tripping over and causing a tsunami with her dance in the sets of Ghajini, Nayanthara was fortunately bedridden. However, South Asia experienced numerous aftershocks in the beginning of the year. The Central Beero of Investigation probed into the issue and brought the situation under control by ordering the Telugu dance masters to refine their dance steps immediately. Another major quake rocked Bakistan after Gabtun sky dived into the gamps of the deeviravaadhis and fell on his butt. The death toll was close to 30K, but Captain escaped unhurt.

Meanwhile, several hurricanes battered the US of A and the people were clueless about how to face them in future. Condoleeza Wheat suggested the screening of Shakthiman everyday at prime time to scare away the hurricanes. The idea clicked. After watching one episode, the people of Florida moved out faster than the hurricane and Wilma refused to go past Mexico. Wheat said, "We are considering changing our national emblem from Bald Eagle to Bold Shaktiman."

Floods in Chennai are usually as common as hot babes in the IITs. However, incessant rains this year flooded Chennai, Bangalore and Mumbai. Aerial surveys were conducted by all party leaders who had not been on a helicopter earlier. Mr. Mike Mohan Singh exclaimed, "The ride was breathtaking. I wonder why Essel World and Kishkintha don't have such rides. The fan, however, was outside the chopper. I will discuss with Ponia ji to change the design. Either the fan must be inside or I must be outside!"

Politics
The American President George Bush waged a war on Iraq because he suffered from severe constipation. The British Prime Minister Tony Blair supported the move since his dog suffered similar symptoms. After 1.5 million deaths, Saddam was taken to court, where he was found guilty of possessing biological weapons when he let out a loud fart. Bush's constipation has cleared up now, but the judge and the jury have got their nose blocked.

The dumbness of many Indian ministers was exposed when they were caught on cam taking money for asking questions in the Parliament. One of them agreed to ask the Honourable Speaker what he did during his summer vacations, while the other one, addressed to the Prime Minister wanted to know why Margazhi Kutcherys were held in RR Sabha, Narada Gana Sabha etc but not in Lok Sabha and Rajya Sabha.

Natwar Singh and his son were caught in the food-for-oil scam. The BJP leaders demanded that Natwar resign. Natwar failed to oblige. Manmohan Singh was under fire from them as well. He turned a deaf ear to them. They then demanded that Congress President Sonia Gandhi resign. She didn't care either. Thus, with no other choice, Advani resigned.

Sports
India's most brilliant Captain Saurav Ganguly, who had an average between Pi and 2Pi in his last twenty innings, was surprisingly dropped from the squad. The Prince of Kolkatta was so talented that he could bat at any position for full two minutes (action replay time inclusive). Greg Chappel sent a confidential e-mail regarding this to Mr. Raj Singh Dungarpur, which was published in the newspaper before it reached his mailbox.

Sharat Pawar, who knows as much about cricket as Mandira Bedi, now heads the BCCI. India thus became the only country in the world where a politician is in charge of cricket, an actor in charge of administration and a buffoon in charge of the Railway Ministry.

Sania Mirza took the whole of India by storm after she jumped around the court in skimpy clothing. She has a cute face with glamorous eyes, tiny pink lips, terrific thighs, sexy hips and a great figure. And if I remember right, she plays Tennis.

Movies
Rajnikant made a comeback as Dr. Saravanan; Dr. Bradley's first disciple. (Enna koduma Vasu idhu?) Vasu spent around 20 crores to buy Eyetex for Jothika's eyes and 10 crores to buy Tantex to cover up Prabhu and Ramkumar. Ramkumar also made a special guest appearance in the film, which incidentally was the most scary scene in the film.

Shankar managed a comeback too, with Anniyan. The film was initially given an A certificate since there were too many close-ups of Sodha..err..Sadha. However, Shankar corrected it with graphics. Those close-ups were later printed on pumpkins during Ayudha Pooja and were a huge success.

Ghajini, another superhit movie, was Surya's biggest hit of his career. Though Surya's dance steps in the film reminded the audience of the Bagyaraj of yesteryear, gals somehow appreciated it and found him oh-so cute. The film was a big opportunity for Nayanthara to showcase her talents. After seeing this film director Ramanarayanan has signed her for his next film where she plays the lead role of Ganesa. Sodha co-stars as Ramu. [For the uninitiated, Ganesa and Ramu are traditional names of elephant and monkey in Tamil films]

Verdict on Cheran's Thavamai Thavamirundhu is not yet out. The first show of the film, which started at Dec 9th at 11:00 AM, is still going on. Theater owners want the film trimmed since they believe they will be unable to accommodate the Pongal releases. According to the latest information, Cheran stopped his cycle at Coimbatore for a tea break on his way to Kargil. Realistic cinema at its best.

Music
Pop King, Michael Jackson, was accused of sharing his bed with kids and molesting them. However, he was cleared by the jury, who said, "No kid in his right mind could afford looking at Mr. Jackson at such close range and then survive to tell about it". It may be noted that Jackson had undergone 4x10¹¹ plastic surgeries to change his face into something like that of Ravi Krishna.

Britney Spears became the proud mom of a baby boy. Britney was uncertain about the child's surname as she could not pin point a single person. She was clueless as to who got lucky and who didn't. The matter was resolved with a lucky draw, the results of which were published in Tamizh Murasu. Ticket number 3,27,085 was declared the winner. Summa nachchunu irukku!

Yuvan Shankar Raja had a great 2005 with really nice albums to his credit. However, it is greatly advised that he visits the bathroom and eases himself before he sings. A couple of bananas a day might help if he suffers from the same problem as George Bush and Tony Blair's dog.

Srikanth Deva and Sabesh Murali received Matrix and Warriors of Heaven and Earth sound tracks respectively as a birthday gift from Deva. Greatly inspired by these masterpieces, they have used it in every other film of theirs, as a tribute.

Misc
Matter Saamiyar Chaturvedi was released after he proved in court that the man in the video was not him. He argued that he did not have a machcham in the iduppu and urged the judges to watch the clip again. The fear of watching a matter video starring Chaturvedi, who was like a hairy version Captain's younger brother, made the judges skip the video and pass the judgement.

Bill Gates, during his visit to Chennai, met the DMK chief Mr. Karunanidhi to discuss the development of IT sector in Chennai. After one and half hour of thorough discussion, they decided that Bill Gates did not know Tamil and Karunanidhi did not know English and that it was best to say "bye", for that's the only common word they knew.

The name of a popular gameshow on Jaya TV, Jackpot, was aptly changed to Jacket. Kushboo's massive collection of torn blouses have been displayed at the Madras Museum for the 'pinnala vara sangathigal'. Since words like inflation, economy, market, export etc made no sense to political parties, they decided to shift their focus towards Kushboo's jacket, which is of utmost importance for a developing country like India.

The biggest disappointment of 2005 was that there were no Captain films!! 2006 is in for a double treat with Perarasu and Sudhesi both looking good!!

Have a blast this year folks, as there can be no better reason to celebrate!! Hope u guys had a great new year! :-)

Disclaimer : All facts stated in the above post are fictitious :)

**

P.S. : With this post, me ends my self-imposed exile

Not here, please!!

Are you sweating profusely inspite of a cold wave? Is there a traffic jam on the footpath? Does the smell around you make you badly want to bury your face in a railway toilet? Welcome to T.Nagar - the busiest shopping area in our galaxy.

Shopping in T.Nagar is not an easy task. It requires a lot of patience and a great amount of stupidity to choose it as the venue. If you were to visit all the shops in the area, you'll actually not come out before 2020 A.D. So, here's a little FAQ that would help you guys to go around the place and be prepared for the worst.

Where is this T.Nagar?
Nobody knows accurately. It is just this lovely place in Chennai, which if you decide to visit for the second time, you get a free seasonal pass for a window-side bed in Kilpauk hospital.

Sounds like a holiday package..what if I manage a third visit?
You get one year free admission at Yervadi, next to Sethu Vikram. Cost of chain included in the package.

Oh! You said it's a lovely place. Do people go there for sight-seeing?
Kinda yeah, it is Chennai's own version of "Suicide Point"

Can we shop there?
There are just two things you can do at T.Nagar. One,shop and two,die. The former is optional though.

My wife wants some good silk sarees. Where do I take her?
Push her into Pothys and run. This is your best chance to live with some self respect in future.

What if I stay?
You automatically qualify for Bihar elections.

What if I go in too?
If you are Gopi, you'll come out as Gopi 65.

I heard gold is pretty cheap at some place there?
Very cheap yeah, not just the rate. I guess you are talking about Ranganathan Street, Annachi shop.

Ya ya. How do I go there?
You just need to stand at the start of that street. Close your eyes. Open your eyes. You are inside Annachi shop, courtesy : fellow shoppers.

Can I take my vehicle?
Shut up! Even Laloo wouldn't do that!

Oh is it very crowded?
Yeah, by the time you count the number of people around you, they can telecast Junoon twice.

Junoon?? What's that?
Kadavule! Paathathu illiya Junoon neenga? Periya athu megaserial. Pesuvaanga maathi maathi thamizh athula.

Oh! By the way, do men shop in T.Nagar?
Wise men stay away. Married men do shop.

I heard there are lots of platform shops?
There is no platform. Only shops.

Whatever, how good are they?
Very good infact. You get all sortsa brands including Nykee, Ribok and Adeedas. At cheap rates that too!

Hey isn't that phony? The spellings are all messed up!!
Naah. They have been changed according to numerology, that's all.

Fine. Is there any good restaurant there?
Ya, Saravana Bhavan.

Wow! What would I get there for, say 50 rupees?
Quite a lot. Half a dosa, 5 ml Sambhar and some pebbles.

Pebbles? Why??
Huh, you are dumber than a crow! To raise the level of sambhar ofcourse.

No chutney is it?
They have it in a big vessel near the entrance. You are allowed to take a peek.

That's bad. But I heard there's a hot chips too?
You'll be a hot chip yourself once you step into Ranganathan Street.

How is the air pollution level in T.Nagar?
One deep breath and you'll die on the spot, money back guarantee.

So many issues, eh? Finally, what's the best thing about T.Nagar?
Variety. So many shops, so many dresses and so many accessories. Even if you escape death by other mean, you'll be confused to death!

***

I sincerely hope this FAQ doesn't become applicable to Mylapore in the near future. I've been here for more than twenty years and can't bear to see Mylapore become as chaotic as T.Nagar! I have no clue why the Govt. gives permission to build multi-storeyed buildings in the crowded Mada streets - Saravana Bhavan, Kumaran Silks, SM Silks and Sukra Jewellers all have shops in the area now. Pothys and Nathella are planning to open big showrooms too, I heard. Boo hoo! Get away, we don't need you!! :-(

Irritating IVRS

IVRS : Hi. Welcome to Customer Care. If you want to continue in English press 1. For Hindi press 2. For Tamil press 3. If you are Harris Jeyaraj, press 4.
Guy : 1
IVRS : If you want to talk to our executive, press 1.
Guy : un kooda manushan pesuvaana!! 1.
IVRS : All our executives are currently busy, please stay online. If you would like to talk to Saurav Ganguly in the meanwhile, press 1. Else press 2.
Guy : Ganguly-a vida unga executives busy-a?? Anyways 2.
IVRS : If you are sure you don't want to talk to Ganguly, press 1. Else press 2.
Guy : Idhukku maela 2 press panna, confident, lock keejiye ellam kaekkum pola irukku. Namma 1-ey press panniduvom. 1.
IVRS : Sorry, this service is currently unavailable since Ganguly has been unexpectedly named in the test squad. Do call back next week. We are sure he'll be back with us. Thank you. We will now try transferring you to our executive. Please wait.
Guy : Ivalo nerama adha dhaan pannitu irukkaen!
IVRS : Sorry, all our executives are currently busy. If you like to listen to some jokes in the menwhile, press 1. Else press 2.
Guy : Jobless anyways, atleast some jokes would help. Okie 1.
IVRS : This Lok Sabha session is brought to you live. Sorry, the house has been adjourned after the opposition blamed Ms. Ponia for giving permission to Italian Pizza outlets. Mr. Natwar Dance is also facing charges in the Oregon Seasoning scam.
Guy : Huh! Now what am I supposed to press??
IVRS : All our executives are currently busy. We predict that you'd have a couple of grey hairs by now. Press 1 to buy hair dye. Press 2 to buy Henna. Press 3 if you are not interested in the offer.
Guy : Saniyan! 3.
IVRS : We are currently transferring you to our executive. Please stay on line.
*SA Rajkumar style lalala in the background*
Executive : May I help you?
Guy : Pinna unna pathi visarikkava call pannaen!
Executive : Your name please, sir.
Guy : Lord Labakku Das.
Executive : What should I do for you sir?
Guy : My balance has reduced suddenly.
Executive : Pass book-a paarunga!
Guy : I mean my prepaid account balance!
Executive : Sorry sir, I handle only postpaid accounts. Please dial 35007 for prepaid accounts! Now please be online to listen to S.A. Rajkumar's lalala tune before you disconnect. Thank you!

Presently, 'Customer Care' remains no more than a 'Kashtam'er Care.

Update : This post has been edited since I was told by someone close that it hurt their faith - the reference to Adam and Eve. I did not mean to do that, sorry! Anyways what you find above is what I wrote in the beginning, before going beserk

PS : The original post is here.

I've changed it finally

Phew! The black, which made most of you guys' eyes Captain red with irritation is finally gone. Though I liked my old template a lot, it doesn't matter coz I've obviously never read what I blogged

Grey does give a dull look, but I am going to be terribly reluctant to take this template off simply coz I worked on it for two full days. Yes, two days, sacrificing all the mega serials on TV. Gosh, 'Kolangal' Abi would have helped ten new people solve their problems in these two days, while she herself is soathukku singi adichufying. And auspicious days like Friday will have atleast one death scene. I missed it all for just this! So it's going to be really heartbreaking for me to take this one off. I'll probably need to write to 'Selvi' Radhika's Ananda Vikatan Q & A, looking for solace, under such circumstances!! However, if it's truly pathetic, do let me know.

Do report bugs. I found this template cute on Mozilla, 1024 x 768. Bill Gates deserves a stick on the back for IE . The collapsible lists on the left seemed compatible with both browsers though.

So, is this thing good enough? Do you guys find any glaring mistake in usability? Any suggestions to spice up the template?

Cushtomer feedback required!!

Update
Since the title banner seems odd and too heavy to you guys, pick between this and this.

In Chennai, one rainy season

Six months ago, if I had heard a Chennaiite shouting, "Water water everywhere, not a drop to drink", I would have done my best to get him a good seat near Sethu Vikram at Yervadi or counseled him to start a political party. Chennai, then, was like this. Ground water was depleted to such an extent that bore wells dug in areas like Kodambakkam and T.Nagar ended on the other side of the globe, Mexico. The Red Hills reservoir earned a lot of revenue for the Government by hosting league matches. It also hosted many unofficial matches like Dumil Kuppam Dilli XI Vs Kaasimedu Kabali XI. The situation was so bad that some Chennai vasis had turned modern, the demand for toilet paper increased exponentially and people stopped using sombhu for you-know-what. But now, people are back to traditional ways again. According to Saravana stores Annachi, sombhu is back in trade. Over the past two months, the rainfall in Chennai has been double the usual amount and all reservoirs are filled up to the brim.

People were praying for rain this year after the terrific summer. There was infact a concert of Udit Narayan arranged for him to sing "Paruva illai" in Amrithavarshani raga to bring some rain. But God, the saviour, acted quickly and the concert has been cancelled due to excessive rains. The Met Dept. predict slight showers (lesaana mazhai) or heavy showers (idi udan koodiya balatha mazhai) everyday in Tamil Nadu. I don't understand why they need an office with loadsa computers communicating with satellites to say that it may or may not rain in a rainy season and be cloudy in summer. In such a case every person who has obtained a minimum of 50% in 3rd Std Social Science is eligible for employment there.

Flooding has been a major problem in low-lying areas. Pictures from affected areas fill the TV screens day in and day out. Every news clipping on Sun TV has the following piece of info from the affected people : "Pullinga ellam iskool-ey poga mudila, yella idamum thanni-a keethu, ethini dhaba dhaan wait pannarthu", followed by a punch dialogue, "Indha arasu engalukkaga inna seyyuthu? Naango ellam romba kasta padrom". On the other hand, on Jaya TV : "Arasu ellam oyunga seyyuthu, engalukku soaru kidaikkuthu, naanga iskool-la thangarom, amma nalla irukkanum". After watching both the broadcasts, one feels it would have been a lot better to listen to Kris Srikkanths pearls of wisdom in Hindi about everybody cricketer's natural game and how deviating from it played an instrumental part in their bad performance with 456 Charu Bhai's in one sentence. The ladies don't complain generally, for on SunTV they see the newsreader wearing a new green-stone necklace and on Jaya TV, a peacock border silk saree, both of which will be part of their wardrobe before the end of the day.

One thing that truly amazed me was that the roads in Chennai were not affected one bit by the rain. Hats off to the Chennai Corporation. In a stretch of 1 km road normally there are around 267 peaks, 679 plateaus, 345 troughs and 5 speed breakers excluding those mentioned. That has not changed even now! The troughs infact collect water as part of the rainwater harvesting scheme implemented on all the roads in Chennai. One actually gets two different surfaces to travel on - marshy, swampy surface or rugged terrains. In short, road-ey kedayaathu. The corporation is infact planning to convert the roads in Kodambakkam into a large dirt biking arena since it may prove cost effective, most of the work already done. The amount of dust that settles on your face needs a good sand paper to sorandify : one inch thick, clearly beating the amount of make-up Kollywood heroines use. Those drivers travelling at more than 20 km/hr must compulsarily have medical insurance and if the wife is clever enough, a life insurance as well.

New releases have not been doing well in the box office. The theater owners have all been blaming the rains. But even those guys who belong to the oasi-la kodutha phenyl kooda drink category, hesitate to watch movies like Sivakasi and Majaa. Chidambarathil Oru Appasamy has however been receiving rave reviews from Thangar Bachan and that Appasamy guy in Chidambaram who are so far the two people brave enough to watch the movie. With such films, the box office lives up to its name - dabba office. The cricket match was washed out too. Chennai summer for eleven months and thirty days. On the remaining one day we have a big cricket match, and ofcourse rains too.

All this in Chennai, one rainy season.

P.S. 1 : Good to back finally. The hang-over of the break still lingers butI hope to get to regular blogging. And this is my 100th blog :-)

P.S. 2 : Since I have a very 'good' impression with girls who read this blog, I have not mentioned the joy of sighting when the girl is soaked in rain. So you guys gotta agree me good boy atleast now

Meow!

Last time I blogged this. This time it's a lot more serious. Something a lot tougher. It's one week until CAT and I still haven't got things completely right. My test results are fluctuating. I've got all sorta ranks from All India 300 to All India 1500; which is just not enough! Just hope that things fall right on the D-Day. So it's time for a prayer club! Hope I do it good enough to come back and blog about it later :-)

And yeah, I guess my semester starts on Thursday. I've buy the book tommorow and start studying on Wednesday. So side-la do pray for that too!

I'll be back soon, tata!! :-)

God save us

Warning : This is purely for fun. If you want to scold me for this, manasukkullaye thittikavum :-)

Natural disasters have become commonplace these days with mother nature spitting her rage all over the globe. Even the most developed countries have not been able to cope up with the destruction. So what's causing all this? What do we do? These are questions that are ringing in everybodys mind.

Starting from December 26, when Nayanthara tripped and fell flat during a song sequence in Chandramukhi, the world has witnessed massive earthquakes including the huge aftershocks caused during the picturisation chase sequences in Gajini. The only present incident, it seems, which occurs at a higher frequency than an earthquake is the Supreme Court condemning Buta Singh for his active role in violating the rules regularly, to facilitate which the Government is thinking of passing an ammendment act to add an appendix section to the constitution. When Vaasthu Lion Dr.S.Naagapaambu was consulted regarding this, he said that a quake would not have occured in Pakistan if Pakistan was near Madagscar - it's correct position according to Vaasthu principles. Indian Railway Minister Laloo Prasad Yadav mocked at the statement and in an attempt to tackle the issue scientifically, ordered relief material consisting of 1000 barrels of lubricating oil and 10,00,00,000 ball bearings to be sent to Pakistan in an attempt to smoothen the motion of the tectonic plates.
Pravunplugged predictions : With Nayanthara doing an item number in Sivakasi, people in Pakistan better be prepared for some aftershocks starting Nov.1

There was a time when people in Tamil Nadu did not know what water was. The recent floods in the state could be ascribed only to Asin in Gajini - proof that not just humans, even god drooled at her, and to a great extent at that. The meteorological department, with its extremely reliable forecasting techniques like 'the throw of a die' and 'picking up a tarot card', says that heavy rain are expected over the next 48 hours because of a kaatrazhuthu thaazhvu mandalam. Thanks to them, the rains have stopped and the situation is now under control. The only forecast which the department is good at is - "Vaanam or alavu mega mootathudan kaana padum". Obviously, sky-na clouds irukka dhaan seyyum. National Students Asspciations (NSA) chairman Mr. Sathyaraj has requested all his student friends to swing in to relief operations. When asked if he would join the students in the relief operations, he says, "I have to do some math homework. The teacher has asked me to find out my age, and am still counting. I have to give her the answer by this week, so I'll be a bit busy". The Seceretary of the NSA, Mr.Chinni Jayanth was not available for comment.
Pravunplugged predictions : With Asin going to Kerala to celebrate her birthday today, heavy showers are likely in Kerala and Karnataka.

Katrina, Rita and Wilma - three major hurricanes that have battered America. Nameology expert Ms. Anamika says that all the havoc caused is because of careless naming. She says the hurricanes are in such a hurry because they have been named hurri-cane : 8 distinct letters and hence bad luck. "Naming it Sorikayne would solve the problem", she says. On the other hand, hemology expert Mr.Paarangal has adviced Mr. George Bush to wear a Navaratna ring, which he claims would put an end to America's miseries. The Americans are however taking a more scientific approach to solve the problem. In a move to divert the hurricanes, they have requested Padmashree Dr.Kamal Hasan to come to Florida. The experts say, "Since the hurricanes are given names of sexy women, we expect them to stay away from Mr. Kamal"
Pravunplugged predictions : Paavam hurricane!

According to Mr. Nambatheengal Madayan, disasters of such magnitude occur when Jupiter is in the 9th house, Saturn in the 8th house and Buta Singh in government house without paying proper rent. Mr. Madayan welcomes the move of the Supreme Court to move Bhuta Singh out of the government quarters. He says the disasters would reduce a great deal after this. "But ultimately, things are in the hands of god, we need another avatar of god to save the world", he says.

May be we already have that incarnation?

click to enlarge

PS : Maybe its not a nice time to wish my galfriend a happy birthday. But what the heck, she is my galfriend and so.....Happy Birthday Asin!! :-)

Note : On a more serious note, I guess we seriously need to pray to end such disasters. Too many this year! Started on Dec 26 2004, the day I started this blog!

Life is beautiful . . .

. . . without girls in it.

Happy Birthday :-)

After a week's hiatus, I now have enough time to say . . .

Happy Birthday to me :-)

Gifts in the form of cash, DD, non-bounceable cheques and google amukks are all appreciated

Kaun Banega Lakshmipathi

Blogosphere's 'hottest' ever game show!!

Hosted by Algitab Periyavan.

What is Kaun Banega Lakshmipati?
It's this big game show produced by Buddharth Basu with big prizes!

What do the winners get?
The winner gets to marry Lakshmi and thereby he becomes Lakshmi'pathi'. He/she may also choose any other equivalent prize like a free trip to hell, sitting next to SRK* in the bathtub etc etc.

Lakshmi? That Tamil Cine actress??
No no, not her. She got married only last month.

Adhu pona mosam. Am talking about this month...!
That's not possible. She exceeded the bound for number of legal marriages allowed. The IPC Section 969 does not permit more than 1,28,765 marriages in a calendar year.

So how do we enter the contest?
Every show will have ten participants who play the Biggest Tongue First challenge. The person with the longest tongue will move to the hot seat. To be fair to both genders, 99 cm will be subtracted from a woman's tongue length since they exceed the average tongue length of men by approximately that amount.

Hot seat? What's that?
That's where you'll sit and play the game in front of Algitab Periyavan. This one.

Oh! How long should we sit on it?
Till you win the game. That'd be five questions to answer correctly.

What do I win at each stage?
Initially the hot seat will be seat to 10,000 celsius. As you answer correctly the temperature will reduce to 5000, 2500, 1000, 500 and finally 0. That's when you'll complete the game and become a Lakshmipathi.

What if I answer wrong?
You will be made to run in the sun or in Chennai like Mudhalvan Arjun.

That's worse!! Do I get any help inbetween?
You have four lifelines to help you. 50:50, audience poll, phone a paradesi and flip.

What is 50:50?
The number of options to choose from will be halved and the temperature of the hotseat will be doubled by using this life line.

Oh!! What is audience poll?
You can ask the audience for help. But take care to ask questions which are only as tough as "What is Rishi Kapoor's surname?". Anything other than that is beyond the scope of the audience.

And what's Phone a Paradesi?
You can use this to call up your equally dumb friend and take his help. You have thirty seconds to read out your question. After that the line will get cut.

What about flip?
By using this lifeline you can change your question and at the same time flip your hotseat to sit more comfortably with the burner facing down.

What if I win and Lakshmi refuses to marry me after I win?
You will win one year free supply of Burnol to take care of your affected areas.

What if I don't make it to the hot seat?
Then you won't need Burnol.

No, I mean what do I get if I don't make it to the hot seat?
A cool butt.

I mean isn't there a Har Seat Hot Seat contest?
Oh that . . . you can play along with the participant using your computer. If you get the most questions right, you will get a chance to stand up and wave to the crowd.

And after that?
You have to sit down.

Isn't there any money involved?
Yeah, you can get as much as 2 crore rupees.

Hey that's cool. How?
Robbing a bank perhaps. You get 1 year imprisonment free with this scheme. Or google ad amukki this beggar boy-a panakkaram aakkalam. Please do the needful

So who all can play KBL?
Anybody who has watched Algitab Periyavan movies, refused to go to school during his/her childhood and has atleast nineteen such experiences to share during the show.

Disclaimer : Applying Burnol is the sole responsibility of the contestant and any such requests shall not be entertained.

Note : Guys, do you think this is good enough to be a series? If so, who do you want to see as the participant? If not, you may still say a few bad words in the comment box :-)

*SRK = Shahrukh Khan and NOT Sudhish

Seven is big!

Me was tagged by Vikki to do this tag. People usually go beserk to learn they've been tagged. I try to make the other person repent for having tagged me ! Over build up-la? Summa dhaan. Okie here starts the vetti tag . . .

7 Things You Plan to do before u die

• Get a B.E. from Anna Univ
• Work in a big company
• Correct the figure in the neighbouring cabin
• Marry her, divorce her and move to another neighbouring figure
• Resign job when all neighbouring cabins visited
• Become MP citing above qualifications
• Vaasthu padi change the name of India

7 Things You Can Do

• Kiss Aishwarya Rai
• Hug Sania Mirza
• Date Sharapova
• Turn off the TV when it's Venus Vs Serena
• Play "natural game" ;-)
• Sing like Karthik, the actor
• Act like Karthik, the singer

7 Things You Cant Do

• Speak bad about Captain
• Watch the (tennis) ball in women's tennis
• Wash my jeans pant
• Watch late night movies with the volume turned on
• Apologise to Nila for biting her too hard
• Keep count of Dada's failures
• Look at TR and smile

7 things that attract you to the opposite sex

• Long hair
• Short tongue
• Left Eyebrow
• Right Eyelash
• Juicy lips
• Transparent dress &
• Sex!

7 things u say most (suitably censored wherever applicable)

• Loosu
• Saniyan
• Naaye
• Hair
• Sexual Intercouse
• Person having sexual intercouse
• Other things that are completely censored except in SJ Surya movies

7 celebrity crushes

• Sania Mirza
• Maria Sharapova
• Anna Kournikova
• Asin
• En range-ku vaera yaarum illa, so idhoda pass

PS : I also like Mango crush and Strawberry crush

7 People I tag

• Laloo Yadav - paruthikottai.com
• Kris Srikkanth - naturalgamekelocharubhai.com
• Captain - namadhuvijayakanth.com
• Simbhu - jettyjaya.com
• Amitabh Bachan - matajimeinamitabachanbolrahahoon.com
• Sania Mirza - praveensvalentine.com
• Sharapova - praveensmine.com

Note : Any questions regarding the truth of the above answers shall not be entertained. They are true to the best of my limited knowledge

And yeah, next time tag koduckkarchae chinna number-a kodunga pa! Seven is big!!