Friday, December 09, 2005

Irritating IVRS

IVRS : Hi. Welcome to Customer Care. If you want to continue in English press 1. For Hindi press 2. For Tamil press 3. If you are Harris Jeyaraj, press 4.
Guy : 1
IVRS : If you want to talk to our executive, press 1.
Guy : un kooda manushan pesuvaana!! 1.
IVRS : All our executives are currently busy, please stay online. If you would like to talk to Saurav Ganguly in the meanwhile, press 1. Else press 2.
Guy : Ganguly-a vida unga executives busy-a?? Anyways 2.
IVRS : If you are sure you don't want to talk to Ganguly, press 1. Else press 2.
Guy : Idhukku maela 2 press panna, confident, lock keejiye ellam kaekkum pola irukku. Namma 1-ey press panniduvom. 1.
IVRS : Sorry, this service is currently unavailable since Ganguly has been unexpectedly named in the test squad. Do call back next week. We are sure he'll be back with us. Thank you. We will now try transferring you to our executive. Please wait.
Guy : Ivalo nerama adha dhaan pannitu irukkaen!
IVRS : Sorry, all our executives are currently busy. If you like to listen to some jokes in the menwhile, press 1. Else press 2.
Guy : Jobless anyways, atleast some jokes would help. Okie 1.
IVRS : This Lok Sabha session is brought to you live. Sorry, the house has been adjourned after the opposition blamed Ms. Ponia for giving permission to Italian Pizza outlets. Mr. Natwar Dance is also facing charges in the Oregon Seasoning scam.
Guy : Huh! Now what am I supposed to press??
IVRS : All our executives are currently busy. We predict that you'd have a couple of grey hairs by now. Press 1 to buy hair dye. Press 2 to buy Henna. Press 3 if you are not interested in the offer.
Guy : Saniyan! 3.
IVRS : We are currently transferring you to our executive. Please stay on line.
*SA Rajkumar style lalala in the background*
Executive : May I help you?
Guy : Pinna unna pathi visarikkava call pannaen!
Executive : Your name please, sir.
Guy : Lord Labakku Das.
Executive : What should I do for you sir?
Guy : My balance has reduced suddenly.
Executive : Pass book-a paarunga!
Guy : I mean my prepaid account balance!
Executive : Sorry sir, I handle only postpaid accounts. Please dial 35007 for prepaid accounts! Now please be online to listen to S.A. Rajkumar's lalala tune before you disconnect. Thank you!

Presently, 'Customer Care' remains no more than a 'Kashtam'er Care.

Update : This post has been edited since I was told by someone close that it hurt their faith - the reference to Adam and Eve. I did not mean to do that, sorry! Anyways what you find above is what I wrote in the beginning, before going beserk

PS : The original post is here.

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