'Genderal' Science

*Warning: This post contains few gross matter references. Reader discretion is advised. Children are requested not to seek parental guidance and damage their image as well as mine in the process*

Science stands for truth. Nothing is accepted without proof. Thus, speaking scientifically, political science is the best oxymoron known to mankind. A proof establishes new facts using already established facts. Like, Vijaya TR being the dad of Chimpu is an established fact [Source: Animal Planet]. Using this to establish the genetic similarities between a gorilla and chimpanzee is establishing new facts, which are increasingly more complex than the established facts. In short, this process is the sole cause of science text books being as voluminous as Vijaya TR himself. The resulting complexity makes science students wish that Newton had sat under a coconut tree instead.

Read on...

Proof was first stressed in the age of the kings in India. I am making this statement with a reasonable certainity since irrespective of whether we practice something or not, we always have ancient records which undoubtedly indicate that we were the pioneers. King Ashoka was the first to point out that war was indeed a bad thing, which he proved by making thousands of people shed blood. Pallavas proved that sea water is capable of eroding rocks by building temples along sea shores. There was thus a craze to prove anything and everything. One such proof was the gender proof. The members of a kingdom used to prove their gender to the king by going to his 'andhappuram'. The gender was determined by whether the person bent front or back for the king. This was the first ever case of gender test known to mankind.

The first gender test carried out on a global scale was in the 1960s during the Olympics, after reports reached the officials that Karan Johar was born. His/her birth made the officials realize that a middle path could be taken too. He/she opened up a new school of thought. So they started insisting on gender test to ensure fair participation in the games, especially in the women's category.

Initially, as part of gender test, the athletes were required to parade nude in front of a panel of gynecologists. This suddenly threw open a new job opportunity for millions of youngsters who realized that work could be fun. The boom of male gynecologists which started then is yet to subside, since SEX was etched in the minds of guys even before there was big bang [If you are a guy and thought this was something like gangbang, you are a potential gynecologist!]. The practice was discontinued after the news of the birth of a baby named Prakash in TamilNadu, which impregnated the delivery nurse, reached the Olympic officials.

Clinical tests which determined the chromosomes of the athlete soon came into the picture. However, the procedure was termed to be as accurate as the weather predictions of Chennai Meteorological department. When Karan Johar was certified to be male, women's welfare organization came to the rescue and filed a petition to withhold the results of such spurious tests. Trivia: Karan Johar took part in the 2000 Sydney Olympics Marathon and won the gold medal at the 2004 Athens Olympics Marathon, when he finally completed the event after numerous shittings on the way which shifted his priority from completing the event to getting the shit cleaned up soon, just like he does with his movies.

The IAAF was the first to stop this practice, not because it felt that it was humiliating, but because the athletes had to submit a urine test under close medical supervision; which means someone will stare over there when you pee into a glass, if only you manage to gather some pee under external pressure and let it go with sufficient internal pressure to satisfy the needs of the person who is probably holding the glass for you. The IOC stopped this practice after male gynecologists protested against the unnecessary use of technology which was unreliable and urged to get back to the old practice which was natural and ofcourse, a lot of fun.

The Olympics Council of Asia alone continues the practice because they think this is the coolest new thing which is in. Their records are so inaccurate that they still do not know that the process itself is inaccurate! They argue that without testing it is not possible to differentiate amongst the Chinese male and female who all have a flat nose and mostly flat everything else. Why not take gender tests as an eligibility criteria instead of making one famous and humiliating them? No, no, never, they there just for jetty....if everyhting happens according to logic, I would have to shut down this blog :)

Santhi Soundararajan was recently stripped of her silver medal in Doha Asian Games because she failed a gender test. The tests used latest technology of vethalai-la mai thadavarthu, which were far more accurate than the methods Arjun 'Sottai' Singh used to determine the percentage of backward caste people in the country. Santhi has so far been declared male twice and female once based on similar tests and the decision was based on a best of three basis. Since accuracy of the test is a concern, a best of five approach is being recommended by the Olympic Council for future games.

NDTV flashed the news as "India's Shame" because, in an attempt to deliver the news first to their viewers, it parsed the information so quickly that it interpreted "Santhi stripped of silver medal in Asian Games" as "Santhi stripped in Asian Games". With this authentic news it collected by advanced Chinese Whisper techniques, this is how they worked out their headlines: Strip = Nude = Puppy shame = India's shame. The quick work is all set to earn the channel the award for the best news channel in India for the year 2006.

The Government of India was unavailable for comment on the issue since they had much pressing issues like the performance of Indian cricket team in South Africa, deciding on the next hot chic after Sania to award the Padmashree etc to discuss in the assembly. Besides, India was already in a healthy situation with a total tally of 201 medals (in all Asian games put together, obviously) that one silver medal was going to make any difference at all. By telepathy, a far more reliable technique than gender tests, it was found that Dr. Mani Shankar Aiyer, our Sports Minister, was reflecting on his goals - to groom new talent, filter them based on looks and finally have a huggable product.

We the people of India, solemnly swear to nurture talent irrespective of caste [general category excluded], creed, religion, state and economic background [eligible if annual income > 3 lakhs] as long as you are a hot chic. If not, please apply for sports quota in IITs.

Disclaimer: Unless you are the person being accused, all these are facts. If you are being accused, you must know that the previous statement is false :)

Note: This marks my second anniversary in blogosphere. Chennai vandhu I have met bloggers on three occasions and this is my first blog :D

Lotsa topics to write on. But interest dhaan illa. To rejuvenate some interest in blogging I am gonna analyse my Google Adsense Revenues and optimize them, till I can find a better strategy :)

Hope you guys had a merry xmas!! Happy New Year adutha blog-la wisharaen! Tata :)

Err

You must have heard of reinventing the wheel, but ever heard of reinventing the clock? It's simple really. All it takes is a little bit of carelessness and people here already have the first movers advantage! :)

Decided to take part in some competitions before I get back to this blog, but why say no when something comes knocking? :)

Am pretty convinced that the web development was outsourced. But why choose one who doesn't know the difference between 'therapist' and 'the rapist'? Enna kodumai idhu, Saravanan? :)

To err is human. To forgive this, you must be a swine! :)

In other matters:
1) Vote asap if you find the choices convincing!
2) Chimpu speaks like lord langotti after doing all this.
3) If you interested in kavithai and other senti matters, go here since am trading foreign chocolates for visitors to that site and keeping up my vaakku :)

Ippothikku ambuttu dhaan. Next meet pannaraen :)

Dharmapuri : Review

Lifestyles have advanced so much these days that police are kept on high alert with intelligence information indicating a possible Al Qaeda terrorist attack. If only such advancements existed three decades ago, many tragedies like the birth of our very own 'Imsai Arasan' Perararasu could have been easily avoided. The man's image among the masses has made the likes of Gillette consider marketing their new series of razors with the 'Perarasu' tag. Anyways, lets concentrate on the real hero of the film, our very own Gabtun!

Read the Captain sized review. . .

The year 2006 has been the best year for Captain fans with three of his films hitting (and damaging) the screens. Dharmapuri was believed to be a youthful love story when it was announced. I was taken aback then. The only way a Captain film could be a youthful love story was the heroine being a narcissist. Nonetheless, I decided to check out the film while in Chennai. With great difficulty Ferrari, Magix and myself got tickets for the night show at Woodlands Symphony, where we were the only ones who did not drive an auto or rick.

Two villains named Peruchaalikaruppu (Rat black) and Silandhikaruppu (Spider black), while the name of their dad is Mokkaiyan (Perarasu) adichufy in many villagers stomach. [Most of the pre-production work of the film involved naming of characters] The villagers realise this is because they were unable to karachufy the oorlaye periya manushans asthi in their oor, which they decide unanimously in their AiNa sabai meeting under aala maram. Tamil cinemas unwritten rule states that all the 18 pattis are by default headed by Vijaykumar, or atleast by his photo if he is already dead. They believe that Vijaykumar's aathma has not attained shanthi [Yaen ellarum Shanthi-a adayanum-nu aasai padaraanga? Ava enna appadi oru gumeel figure-a?] and only his son Sivaram can karachufy it [appadiye asthi karaikka NIIT course padichirukkanum-la]

Four edupudis of Vijaykumar set out to find Sivaram with a chinna vayasu photo. They however roam from city to city since they actually do not know which city the guy is in [Padathula yaarum logic illa-nu sollida koodaatham]. In Rameswaram they adopt the Singara Velan's 'mayiru kudu Sumathi kaataraen' technique. Joom panni paatha one big image with a yellow-black-red ring as big as Nokia 3310. Camera slightly going up. I was glad to discover that Captain was not standing in the same Singara Velan Kushboo pose. Instead he had turned his head. Ellam oru effect dhaan. Whatever said and done, Captain is a mass hero aachae; mass ofcourse can take more than one meaning here.

Captain intro. Rowdy gets hold of a girl and shoots Police mama who comes to rescue her. Mama cap flies off and Captain catches it. Oru oattai cap-a pudichuttu perumaiya oru look viduvaar. Bad guy shoots at Captain. Bullet in slo mo. I thought Captain was going to bend in Keanu Reeves style and dodge the bullet. But no. I guess neraya ippadi kuninju he had iduppu vali. So he decided to stay still. The bullet hits his chest and bounces back to kill the bad guy! To make this logical, Captain takes an archanai thattu hidden inside his shirt which was fastened to his body by means of an arana kayiru and throws it down. Impressed by this, our Chief Minister has promised to give away free archanai thattus to all families below poverty line and arana kayiru to all the backward classes to protect themselves from terrorist attacks.

Captain and his friend supply chairs for marriages, but still he does all charity as if he is Gulf return. The title song "Annan kotayila kodi parakkamuda" was penned by Peraruvai to suit Captain's image. But he failed to anticipate that a slight mispronounciation of kotai can cause great embarassment to Captain. Meanwhile the edupudis manage to trace Captain with Google Earth since he was the only person in Rameswaram to be visible from a satellite picture.

Start flashback. Vijaykumar was the oor periya manushan who insisted that not even one pudi sand should go out of the village as sand and they should make earthenware and sell it. Idha oru periya mayiru policy-a vechundu kaalam muzhukka he was there. One day, he supplies hundred earthern horses as a gift to the temple and like moolai ketta naai keeps all the horses by the pond so that his brother Mokkaiyan pushes ten horses into the pond to spoil his name. Later when the oor makkal tell him, "Ayya paththu kuthirai kuraiyuthu ya", instead of just replacing them, like periya pudungi he shouts "endra solli poatta neeyii", that they have sandhega pattufied him. Vijaykumar is the closest relative of kavari maan that mankind knows of, so he dies soon, telling them that his asthi should be karachufied in the same oor. When they try to fulfil his last wishes, Spiderblack and the other black stop them. Adhaan matter. Captain also vaguely remembers that he was playing hide and seek with his murai ponnu at that time and was about to open a koodai to check if he can go hit eyes boys!

Now Peraruvai gives a twist. Captain takes a promise from the edupudis that he will do lot of thillalangadi in village, but nobody should complain. The entire village is waiting for Captain's arrival. His murai ponnu is also waiting to sight adichufy him [Kali kaalam]. Captain cleverly swaps roles with his servant who enters the village as Sivaram and his murai ponnu is mighty disappointed. Ofcourse unmai therinja disappointment suicide aagi irukkum. All edupudis now only remember the promise and understand Captain's plans. Idhu enna periya Pokhran anu gundu plan-nu suspense-a vechirundhaaro therila.

Captain will be sleeping in kayathu kattil with the ropes almost touching the ground. Bad guys come to kill him. As and when the villains come nearby he will shake his leg or arm, the bad guys bulti adichu fall down and the kattil understandably breaks. Cut. Next shot. New kattil. One more bad guy and more kattil. Art director suggested that they can use thenna maram instead of thengai naaru to support Captain. Idhu enna Shankar padama onnuku poratha irundhaalum adha Ohio-la porathukku? Peraruvai is budget masala director. So he refuses the offer and manages by making the bad guys run away by showing his face in close up.

Heroines of Captain movies always thurathi thurathi sight adichufy Captain. Ippadi oru role accept pannara alavukku paavam avanga kudumbathula enna kashtamo. Mama yaaru-nu kandu pudikka pora vazhila oru koodai veppa namma heroine. Servant will walk off, but Captain nice-a poi will check if his murai ponnu is still under the koodai. Ippadi patta soft, touching senti scenes-ku match panna mudiyaama dhaan Mani Ratnam Mumbai poitaaru padam edukka. Enna oru emotion. Cha. But if a person sits inside a koodai for 25 years in two bathroom position, she can survive only if she has some compelling reason to do so. If looking at Captain's face 25 years later is that compelling reason, then she'd rather die a peaceful death. This scene thus stands out as the biggest flaw in this otherwise completely logical movie. The edupudis fix up marriage of heroine with Sivaram. Thinking Subramani to be Sivaram, she decides to hang herself and fan-la she kayiru kattifies and stands on a stool. Her father rushes in and vendha pun-la verala paachara maadhiri tells her that Sivaram is Captain and not the servant. That was enough reason for her to kick the stool. But idha graphics-la edit pannitaanga. It still is a budget film. Graphics was used because Captain offered to help free of cost and MS Paint poi rubber vechu stool-a azhichutaaru.

Interval vidarthukku munnadi Captain says oru super punch dialougue to the villains who are trying to kill him. "Enna nambaravangalukku naan nambikkai. Nambaathavangalukku....", tshk tshk tshk, Captain splits into three Captains on screen and the audience wake up in fear, "echarikkai". Actually by default Captain said "thumbikkai", which was later changed during dubbing. Rocking BGM by Srikanth Deva, who plays part time music in films and full time in Kannammapettai.

Now Captain sees that the entire village has named their sons Meiyappan (our kavari maan's name). Meiyappan I, Meiyappan II, Meiyappan III [King George III irukkarchae Meiyappan III irukka koodatha enna?] appadinu one one kid tells his name [now we know why female infant moratlity ratio is high in villages, yes, Vijaykumar dhaan kaaranam] and Captain-ku orey grass itchings. He gets into serious action. There is this ayyanar kovil festival in which oor periya manushan dressed as ayyanar runs around the village. Captain oor-a suthi odina, suthi vara oor irukka vaenaama? That's why he made the servant act as Sivaram. Classy touch from Peraruvai, with layers of the plot slowly being unravelled. So Subramani runs as ayyanar around the village and the bad guys try to kill him, when Captain takes this avataram. . .

Body full-a sandal. Sathyamangalam is now obviously out of the map. In this costume even ayyanar would have been shit scared to come in front of Captain. The bad guys were shattered.

Next, Captain lures Spiderblack and Ratblack by selling them both the same piece of land in return for hopsital turned club and school turned wine shop, which kavari maan had built. After fooling them, he re establishes the school and the hospital in the name of Meiyappan. Innum toilet vaasal-la gents and ladies bathila Meiyappans and Meiyammas-nu ezhutharthu mattum dhaan baaki. School, teacher, students ellarukkum name Meiyappan dhaan. Proxy poda easy.

After enough action, Peraruvai has given a fast paced duet for Captain with orey fast beats and you can see how much weight Captain has lost. Captain's best by far. The human rights commision is recommending this song as a substitute for the death sentence of Saddam Hussein. Rumours say that Saddam has indicated his preference to be hung nude in public instead of being subjected to this. Verdict, as always, is pending.

Climax-la Peraruvai has brought Captain's presence of mind to the fore and made us realise its absence. Spiderblack, Ratblack, Mokkaiyan and MLA come with an army of people to take away sand after realising Captain is Sivaram. Fifty people stand in front of Captain, one behind the other, in height order. One punch from the man. They fall like dominos. The fiftieth person doesn't move away even though he knows that the tenth person has started falling. Selai maadhiri nipaanga and they all fall down making a "aaah" sound. Valikkuthaam. Then without getting close to Captain, they all run to fetch the sand. Captain warns them. Then he takes out an MP3 player remote which has 3 buttons in it and activates 30 bombs with it. How? Diwali-ku orey thiri-la 7 shots vedikkuthu-la, ennikkavathu how-nu kaettirukeengala? Adhey dhaan idhuvum.

The villains then go to school and catch hold of Meiyappans VI, X and XXI. They announce in the speaker that they have got a bunch of Meiyappans with them and they make the Meiyappans cry into the mic to make Captain realize the seriousness of the issue. Captain rescues the kids and appifies mannu on the villains face and they gasp for breath. When they are about to collapse, Captain pours water on their face to save them. They open their eyes. See Captain. Die.

Appuram "Annan kotayil kodi parakkumada" paattu replay panni embarass pannitaanga Captain-a, paavam.

Peraruvai also made a guest appearance as a lawyer, mentioned all his movies till date and assured the audience that he will surely direct more movies. Irukkara mokkai poraathu-nu Steven Spielberg range-ku dialogue vaera. Narayana indha kosu tholla thaanga mudila da, marandhu adichu kollunga da!

The film had a lot of political flavour to it. I understand they are trying to project They Mu Thi Ka [not ketta vaarthai, katchi name]. Adhukkaga jetty kooda yellow-red-black la podarthu is a too much. Captain also has a sandhanam-kungumam (yellow-red) combo always on his forehead. If you are wonderin where's black, hey, that's our man! Poraatha kurai-ku lotsa Captain praising dialogues like . . .

'Ivaru naadodi illa da, naadodi mannan' [Next enna ivaru Sudhesi illa da Paradesi-a?]

'Ivaru kootani amaikka maataru da, thani aala dhaan nipparu' [Thani aal-ey kootani maadhiri irundha appuram kootani edhukku thaniya?]

Overall it is a treat for Captain fans, especially for the guy sitting next to me who made a big issue about somebody dancing during the title song saying that he can't see Captain on screen. Sathyama this happened. I was thinking appadiye Captain maranjuttalum!!

Thats just all I can remember from the movie!! Long time aachu, ellam google amukks pannitu pogavum :D

This post is dedicated to Witchu who had her birthday a week back and failed to remind me to wish her! I don blame her at this old age though :D

And best wishes to all those writing that dreaded exam next week. CAT! Special wishes to Magix who is writing it on his birthday :)

Note: The lack of spoiler warnings for this movie might piss off some ardent Captain fans. But what do I do when the whole movie is a spoiler? :D

Taking off

Warning : To all those who read the title and were all excited thinking this is a matter post, please spend some time on debonairblog before you get back to read this informative post.

Air travel has become excessively popular these days. There are perhaps more number of airlines in operation today than the number of backward castes in the country, which give us a lot of choice to confuse ourselves and mess it all up. Taking my valuable time off from Orkut, I am trying to throw some light on all these matters in this blog. Throwing light on matters may sound ironical to some, but all like angelic souls would understand my commitment. So let's take off!

Until about 2 years ago, I had no idea as to how it looked inside an aircraft. Although my first travel in an Airbus was in 2002, it did not give any clear picture because it was an SRM college bus, not the one made by Boeing. My first flight was to Bangkok on Thai Airways. Understandably I was keen to look at the airhostess since they were expected to be gumeel figures in international airlines. They were dressed in traditional Thai costume, which consisted of an ulpaavadai, blouse and a kaasi thundu on top. In the dinner they served, only bun and butter were edible, but they were also unlimited, so koocha padaama kaettu mukkinaen :D. And yeah, Thai naatin thaai kulam are not bad :D

One thing I understood during my first flight journey itself is that all of them begin on a note of yezhavu. Immediately after you sit and make yourself comfortable, you hear a voice which says, "Here is what you have to do in case of any unfortunate happenings during the journey". As soon as you see the live demo going on, demonstrating the use of life jackets just in case the aircraft were to land on the sea, you feel like telling them a lot of things including "Un vaai-la phenyl oothi kazhuva", "Un vaai-la dharbai-a poattu posukka" and "Un moonji-la en peechangai-a veikka". Then they serve sweets which no one feels like eating after hearing all the yezhavu talk. Imagine that you are going to the beach on your bike and somebody stops you to say "Just in case accident aagi nee mandai-a podara nilamai vandha bayappadaatha, indha number-ku call panna mortuary van varum. And yeah, indha paal paayasam kudichuttu po, idhukku appuram kudikka nee iruppiyo maatiyo".

I travelled by Indian on my first trip to Mumbai. The name of the aircraft, Indian, was apt - the crew on board consists solely of Indian thathas and paattis. This is actually a smart move by the Indian government to cut costs - since they have to accomodate the crew on board free of cost, they were actually losing out a lot of money. So they decided to recruit only senior citizens - which means they lose less fare. (I am not sure about the authenticity of this, but I am sure our government is capable of such reasoning) Paattis are dressed in saffron to make them look like kollu paattis. The entire flight is lit by a dull light normally used in kattana kazhipparai (pay toilets). They give pretty decent food, but the quantity is so much that they make sure you waste it. Only sincere people like me who treat food wastage as a crime do justice :D

Air Deccan had to be on my list since Mumbai-Chennai takes 24 hrs by train and I am incapable of ignoring mother nature's calls for such a long duration. Luckily they fly an airbus between Chennai and Mumbai, not the ATR which I've always suspected to use a discarded engine from KPN Travels' busses. The aircraft would have cost a couple of lakhs of rupees, and hence the tag 'low cost airline'. The boarding pass is printed on recycled toilet paper and does not contain any useful detail which you might look for; like say, seat numbers. It's free seating. So if you are a pakki looking for a window seat, like me, or a pattikaadu who pronounces aisle as Isil, you need not be embarassed any more. Just carry a turkey towel and throw it on the nearest seat you want and it is reserved for you. For a better flight, make sure your towel lands just behind the emergency exit coz that's approximately where the air hostess figure would demonstrate the yezhavu awareness lessons. Kodutha kaasukku atleast sight adichuttu pogalaam. Not that the airhostess are pretty and all, the consolation is that they are not double your age. So manasaatchi uruthaama you can sight. The Air Deccan flights have a weird air conditioning system - you see a lot of smoke like in Kailasam behind Lord Siva. This I guess is to make the passengers aware that the AC is switched on. Further, if you have no other velai masuru, you can even bid for something on-board (not the hostess). Importantyly - No food. No sweets. No cotton. No water. The hostesses are actually trained to say a stereotypical "Sorry sir, we do not have it on-board". You might probably get the same reply if you ask for the captain. Kodukkara 1000 rupees-ku vada payasathoda saapada poda mudiyum? Ambuttu dhaan.

Go Air, another low cost airline, is similar to Air Deccan. The hostess and stewards are all dressed in dubai pink/green/blue/orange which if you wear on the road, street dogs would chase you to death. The figures are slightly better on this one, but I cannot comment much since the only time I flew Go Air, I slept through the entire journey, refusing even the free water bottle which they give! (Muzhicha appuram romba feel pannaen oasi item miss pannitaen-nu) The flight landed in Mumbai at 2.30 am and there was this terribly long journey of 20 mins to the airport in the bus! I do not know why we travelled for such a long time, but I was wondering if we were thiruttu thanama entering the airport. Enga Mumbai secoority aapeesar kitta "I am Gaja ka dhosth"-nu solla solluvaangalo-nu nenachaen. But appadi endha asambaavithamum nadakkala.

I have not flown on Jet Airways or Kingfisher. If I tell my dad I've booked my tickets on those he'd say, "Onnum vara thevai illa, angaye kada". Pretty expensive, but I've heard the service and all is excellent. Irukkara 1.5 hrs-ku service enjoy panna thripthi irukkathu in any case, so why waste money! But am determined to fly back by Kingfisher once I get placed! I've seen some samples of air hostesses in the airport and I've concluded that Vijay Mallya is one kalaa rasigan. Bloody bugger. All gummel figures only. I'd keep calling the hostess to ask the time when am on-board. Window seat vaenaam, Isil dhaan bestu :D

A few learnings from my kutti experience flying between Chennai and Mumbai.
1) Never sit on the emergency exit or in the last row. The guy in front of you would definitely push his seat back and all you can do is abuse him quietly in a language he does not know.
2) If you are really despo, do something which you are not supposed to do and the hostess will automatically come to you.
3) Do not read the magazine in front of you especially if you are in Air Deccan. It will be filled with recipes and will remind you to be hungry, and on the next page you see that water costs 10 rupees.

Ippo ellam I am and all only the flight flying. Helps me stay in Chennai as long as possible and I can't even think of wasting the time in a train journey. Back in Mumbai after a 17 day stay in Chennai and already planning the next visit! Seekiram padichu mudichu kalyanatha pannikkanum :D

Last blog panna date paatha July 25th. Almost 100 days aachu bledy! Not that I was extremely busy and all, just that I did not know what was happening around to make fun of. So oru starting point-a irukkattum wrote some crap now. Saw Dharmapuri while in Chennai, thalaivar kalakittaru! :D Many good souls mailed/scrapped/smsed me asking me to blog. Very happy-a poodchu. Thanks to all of you. Adjust with this blog for the time being :)

Here is wishing Vidya a happy married life! She's a good friend I earned through blogs. Vidya, un kalyaana saapadu was super di! I doubt if she'd still be reading my blogs after marriage, but still :D

I guess I have polambified enough about what all has been happening. Nextu meet pannaraen :)

I've begun quizzing

Things in a B-School are so different. People here are kinda intellectual and do wanna lotsa stuff other than academics. They conduct e-mail quizzes and have all quizzer of the month fundas which they believe will improve their general knowledge. But enakku general-a knowledge-ey kadayaathu! Still, I decided to attend one of these quizzes since googling was permitted But since, even googling was not of much help, this is what happened . . .


Name the 1st ISI certified product.
Bihar Telephones, certified by Institute of Statewide Ignorance as early as the birth year of Lalu.

Sania Mirza and Sunil Gavaskar were signed up as brand ambassadors by which company?
Sania for Pepsi, Yeh Dil Maange More.
Gavaskar, I don care!

In "TIPS Cassettes Industries", what does TIPS stand for?
Maybe the chairman’s initials. But then which chairman wud have initials that when read the other way reads SPIT? Whatever! Pass!

Name the biscuit brand which has the highest sales in the world.
Tiger biscuits (before Ganguly endorsed)

Name the 94 year old product created by Hakim Hafiz Abdul Majeed which translates into English as 'Soul Enlightenment".
One of them may be Lalu Prasad Yadav, which literally translates into “Sole Entertainment”. Not sure about the other.

A soap's name which reads the same backward as well?
Seriously, Liril. *claps*
The product had been positioned so well that it still remains etched in my mind. By product, I obviously mean the girl who came in it and not the soap.

Which is the largest traded e-commerce site in India?
www.indiagov.org
That’s the biggest trade thing in the world! That explains the .org extension instead of a customary .gov

Name the bank endorsed by Hema Malini. (a sitter)
State Bank of India. If not, this is not a sitter!

A mega hit advertisement, 1st of its kind, created by Mudra`s high post guy who got the idea while watching a cricket match. Name the Ad.
The DHL Jumbo ad which said however big it is, we carry it or something like that. The idea might have occured during the 2003 World Cup Extra Innings 'show'.

Name the production companies floated by Shahrukh Khan.
The latest float was by the man himself, in a bath tub with rose petals. Shux...I mean, Lux!

Cheers!

Note 1 : This educative and informative post is dedicated to this pullankuzhal illa krishnan and and this playboy and this silent romeo for all getting placed in Infy. Congrats!! Continue working for CAT!!

Note 2 : Girls are requested not to attend Infy interviews henceforth in their own interest.

P.S. : Inga me the speak orey the inglipis and hindi . So en thamizh veena pogaama irukka naan nextu blog-u tanglish-la ezhuthalamnu irukkaen. Maramando-3 poatta yaaravathu padipeengala illa puthu movie-a launch pannanuma?

Away From Home

Being away from home is one of the most bugging things in life, barring the case of honeymoon ofcourse. It gives you so many things to take care of; responsibilities you'd be proud if your child had, but really not interested in having them yourself. It is said that it transforms a boy into a man. But for people like me, who've already been through this transformation and all geared up even for a honeymoon, it doesn't really matter

Language is a small barrier, not because I do not know Hindi. I infact know Hindi very well, the only problem being that the people here do not know the Hindi that I know! I know numbers from Ek to Therah (thanks to the song from Tehzab), then I know Bhaiyya, then I know the all important Thoda Thoda Maalum and Mujhe Hindi Nahi Maalum which I use based on the Hindi proficiency of the person I am talkin to, and I also know a bunch of expletives which play a vital role while interacting with my friends here. Honestly, I can understand Hindi very well provided it is spoken at the speed of Ooty toy train. Whether I learn to speak Hindi fluently or not I've started teaching them Tamil! They find Tamil funny. Chumma means kiss-aam. Idhula avungalukku enna avalo sandhoshamo therila. Namma oorla kooda dhaan Hotha (H silent)-ku vaera meaning. Idhellam jagajam dhaaney?!

Bachelors hostel rooms are generally pathetic, giving the picture of a slum dwelling (minus the colour TV if you were thinking of a slum area from Tamil Nadu). But here, they are super well maintained. Though the bathrooms are common, we generally do not face a problem since Arjun Singh has not yet introduced reservations in this segment. If that happens, I'll have to keep one leg outside while taking bath I believe. And then one washing machine per floor, which 25 of us use till the coil burns

It is supposed to be rainy season here in Mumbai. It was infact raining heavily when I landed here (nallavanga irukkara edathula ellam mazhai peyyumaam, so no wonder) and continued to do so for a week, after which the meteorological department played spolisport. They predicted extremely heavy rainfall here from the 6th of June. The rains stopped on the night of 5th June. Since then, the sun has been shining brightly as if the heads of thousands of Deve Gowdas are being used as reflectors here. I strongly recommend the Government to stop investing the money in Met Dept and instead start a matchmaking (not sivakasi theepetti match) forum which would be a lot more profitable. Or it can even be used for other useful purposes like teaching Arjun Singh simple mathematics - percentages in particular. I mean, the forecasting is so bad that it stops raining even during monsoon! Namma sattelites ellam what doing? Seriya dhaan irukka? Or Baakistan Deeviravathigal hack pannitaangala?? I am going to try scribbling INSAT 1A, INSAT 1B etc on Saneeswaran kovil sevuru to help them function properly. Edho nammaala mudinjathu.

Food here is terribly monotnous! Though we get chapathi with different side dishes everyday, for rice its always one pichakaara dhaal! For morning breakfast I have a technologically advanced Idly which reverses the irreversible process of steaming and becomes dough again. Colour plays a vital role in helping me distinguish between Sambhar and Payasam. The left over Sambhar can be used as Manja Thanni for aththai ponnus to pour on mama payyans, without requiring any dilution. Diabetic patients are generally requested to avoid eating Dosa in Andheri area. Even milagu appalam tastes like our ulunthu appalam! I guess chilli powders are used only on the eve teasers here. My tonugue thus has RIP embossed on it, and I have resorted to the only possible alternative of asking mom to send parppu podi

Girls are one of the main reasons people do not wish to leave Mumbai! Being from down south, I was under the impression that girls always prefer to wear churidhaars. But there seems to be a blanket ban on such costumes in Mumbai. So far I have seen girls only in T-Shirts, that too ones which are a couple of sizes smaller! Also, "sleeveless" here means "nearly topless" for most, which is nothing but our Sudermani banian in Tamilnadu. Theatres like Jothi and Pilot are thus of no necessity here. Since we have a B-School, Engineering College, Arts College and School in the same campus, I get to see people from all age groups and all walks of life . Edho naan nallavana irukkarthaala naan undu en velai undu-nu irukkaen....!

One thing which I miss majorly is being out of touch with whats happening around!! Reading news online is kinda irritating but I gotta get used to it I guess Inga TV nahi. TV-ey irundhaalum Gabtun movies arumai eppadi puriya veppaen ivangalukkellam?! Those of you who are still around checking this blogspace, HELP!! How do you guys stay up to date with clowns like Arjun Singh and periya thalais like Gabtun? This info me definitely need to continue blogging

Anyways amidst all these matters I do get time to study. Four years aachu padichu! I am infact known to be studious here, always in my room with my laptop it seems! Test vecha how much u getting-nu enna paathu ppl asking!! Periya insult!! In my four years of college life nobody has dared to ask me the portions even!

***

Those in Chennai, I hereby invite you people to THIS bloggers meet on 24th June, which I will obviously not be attending . Somebody go and eat something on my behalf and pay for it without fail! From my past experiences at bloggers meet, I advise you guys to carry some cotton with you to stuff them in your eyes coz Sandhya is expected to grace the occasion. Ava flight maadhiri. Take off-aana kaathu gaali. So you shall the take care. I don want people complaining here tommorow and suing me in case of ear bleeding

***

One important matter. I am the Praveen B.E. officially! Arrear vekkama 4 years. Aatha I am the pass!!

Note : Before I officially put up a "I am back" board out here, I need some vetti websites. Till then ippadi mokkai blog-a poattu bore adippaen

Me the escape!

In the airport.

Pic taken using Integrated Webcam of Lenovo 3000 N100.

Blogged using wi-fi.

Vetti scene.

Its all in the game.

Tata Chennai. See you in Mumbai :)

Me into Politics

The number of political parties in India is simply phenomenal. New parties crop up every year which, even in a country where citizens do their night duty perfectly irrespective of whether they pay heed to other duties, easily outnumber the number of birthday parties. Karthik recently joined the list of actor turned comedians like Pandiarajan, Bagyaraj etc, when he announced his affiliation to All India Forward Block, which planned to contest in a mammoth 2 out of 232 seats all over Tamil Nadu. The party later withdrew from both the seats since the party members unanimously decided that the deposit money could be used to buy tea instead. Inspired by Karthik, I have decided to float my own party which will contest in the next elections.

The first task was to decide the name of the party. Since the party has its base in Tamil Nadu, I decided that it must incorporate Dravidian principle for it to even stand a chance. Dravida Munnetra Kazhakam, Anna Dravida Munnetra Kazhagam, Marumalarchi Dravida Munnetra Kazhakam and Desiya Murpoku Dravida Kazhakam were already taken. Even Karadi Kutti TR has a Latchiya Dravida Munnetra Kazhakam, the only possible latchiyam of whose members is to find out what lies inside TR's beard. So, with almost all the Dravidian names taken, I am going with the only name spared. My katchi will be called Rahul Dravida Munnetra Kazhagam (RDMK)....

Being farsighted, I decided to release a ten point maifesto right away. They have been formulated with the sole aim of getting the poor people support. The rest can go to hell.

1) Free computer with matter CDs to all students who fail to make it past second standard. Provision of matter CDs makes this scheme a part of the "Suya Udhavi Kuzhu" thittam since they wouldn have anything better to do. So we keep you occupied.

2) Free cycle for all people who are below poverty line with one year International on-site warranty on the cycle chain. International warranty will be useful if your cycle faces technical problems on your way to Afghanistan (which we assume you wouldn be stupid enough to do). Note : Warranty void if your name is Cheran.

3) Free plasma colour TV for villagers, after they manage to a) build a house b)get electricty for it c)sustain electricty connection by paying the bill for one year. If not, doesn't really matter, I'll be campaigning for the next election by then, when I'll promise free house for all citizens.

4) Free 10 acres land for the poor landless farmer, for which you need to convince us that you really are poor and landless. (Fineprint, don't read : The cost of convincing us would be decided based on land prices at that time. And yeah lotsa conditions apply)

5) Free LG Microwave Oven and Jaadhika Badrinath's "Samachu podu di kasmaalam" recipe book for all poor housewives who manage to pronounce Microwave Oven without any mistake. If you have problems doing that, you get one month supply of LG Perungayam instead. Same brand, fair enough?

6) Free 10Kg Ponni Rice to all families below poverty line, provided Ms. Ponni agrees to part with her rice. If not, we are sorry, our government is committed to providing quality goods and hence we cannot give you low quality ration rice.

7) Free mobile phones for the poor under the "One Kuppam" scheme. Since people in the area speak at aaproximately 120 decibels, it involves the use of cutting edge technology to dampen these voice signals by pouring water from the top, to make sure the entire kuppam does not overhear you.

8) Free ceiling fan to all those who live in huts. Our team is already trying to figure out how this could be done. Once that is done, every family gets a free ceiling fan provided they have facilities to fix a switch board on the wall.

9) Free washing machine will be given to all poor families that have the habit of washing their clothes. This scheme will be implemented after approval from the Prime Minister, Finance Minister, Home Minister and the Chief Ministers of all states, just to make sure that the scheme is not implemented in 5 years. We take complete responsibility in blaming one of the above mentioned persons for the delay in implementation.

10) Add to the greenery of the state with the "Pothar valarpom, pin matter seivom" scheme.

I promise that I shall be committed and work towards the fulfilment of the above objectives. Seeya in five years time! :-)

Arjun Singh : Exclusive Interview

Suggestion : If you are seriously looking to know what Arjun Singh said, I suggest you watch the Mr. Bean show. The consequences are similar.

One of the greatest reforms introduced in independent India was announced this month, by our beloved minister Arjun Singh. It is the best thing to happen to India since the MoU signed between the Indian Government and MNC Kaekraan Maekraan for the "non-yellowy" maintenance of public toilets. 22.5% of the seats were reserved during the formation of the Indian republic, because it represented the percentage of people who belonged to the backward sections of the society. Now, applying the same logic, or the lack of it, Arjun Singh calculates the percentage to be 49.5% and confirms it saying that the highly reliable figure has been calculated using Casio calculators. In this Pravunplugged exclusive, Arjun Singh shares his pearls of wisdom, gokulam and champak with us.

Read Interview . . .


Note : The name Arjun Singh has been abbreviated and represented as AS in the following interview. Please do not conclude that I am mocking at the minister by reading AS as a single word. I have no necessity to do so since we all know how AS himself manages to add an extra S behind his abbreviation.

Interviewer : Hello sir, how do you do?
Arjun Singh : Hello. Do not ask personal questions. You should have paid better attention to your biology class in 9th standard to know how you do.

I : I meant how are u, sir.
AS : Oh like that-eh? Me, I am very old, fat, bald and fair. You?

I : I am fine sir.
AS : So, what are we here for?

I : (Hmmm..Un mandai-la kuttarthukku!) An interview sir, can we start?
AS : Yes, ofcourse.

I : What is your opinion about reservations?
AS : They are very good. They give you confidence that you have seat for sure.

I : ??!?!?
AS : Yes, we should more reservations and reduce the number of RACs and Waiting Lists.

I : Sir, I am talking about reservations in educational institutions, not railway reservations.
AS : Ha Ha! What a fool I am!

I : Sahi jawaab.
AS : Eh??

I : Pardon me, so what's you opinion sir?
AS : They very important for country like India.

I : Why so?
AS : Areey. I pity the ignorance of youngster like you. Because India obviously fall under the category of country like India, if not fully, atleast partially.

I : I mean why is it important for countries like India?
AS : Because population different. One section front, other section rear. Front section going fronter and rear section going rearer.

I : You have studied your 9th standard biology perfectly, sir!
AS : Ha Ha! I always bright student.

I : Ofcourse you are very bright sir, especially when the sun is shining and the reflector on your head is well oiled!
AS : That's why I thought 49.5% reservation can be brought about. So that rear can also come front and both will be front.

I : Do you plan to increase the percentage further, sir?
AS : Yes. Presently there are SC/ST/OBC category. In future I bring in AFOBC and YIABC category and there will be 100% reservation.

I : AFOBC and YIABC??
AS : A Few Other Backward Classes and Yayy I Also Backward Class category.

I : With 100% reservation, what about General Category?
AS : This is master plan boy, you no understand. With this scheme, there no general category. Everybody in backward category somehow and we can have equality. So the front also go to rear and from there equal competition between both the rears to go to front.

I : But what about the country's economy?? Will that not be affected without progress?
AS : That Chidambaram ji handle. If he can unable to, then I temporarily include RAC and Waiting List in educational institoosan, so that if reserved seat not taken by rear, the front can take the rear seat.

I : Waiting list is ok, how RAC??
AS : RAC students given seat and education, but no degree.

I : Great! Do you think reservation will affect the quality of students in premier institutions?
AS : No No. Everybody will be as brilliant as me.

I : So that's precisely what I am talking about.
AS : You no realize that this a long term solution for inequality. You wait and see, time will tell.

I : (It's already saying you are stupid!) Don't you think its better to have a equal basis for selection and instead provide those deprived with a proper study environment etc?
AS : No. That not possible since environmentalists oppose change in environment. Menaka Gandhi risky lady. Sonia fire me.

I : (Damn!) Ok, so are you going to extend the reservation concept in other spheres?
AS : Yes, yes. Very much. There will be cricket reservation, football/hockey reservation etc.

I : Ah!! What's the cricket?
AS : 50% of the players in team must belong to SC/ST/OBC

I : A team has 11 players, so how 50%??
AS : Oh, that i din think. Anyway I give spontaneous solution. 5 people from FC, 5 from BCs and one person is child of intercastly married parents.

I : Brilliant! Anything else in cricket?
AS : During powerplay, only 1 FC allowed to stay inside circle, rest all BCs. That way all BCs move front.

I : !! What about football?
AS : It very racist game, needs many changes.

I : Racist game??
AS : Yes. Attacking position called Forward. From now on we have Center OBC, Right Center SC and Left Center ST. There no backward position. Everybody stand near goal for equality.

I : Aiyyo! Anywhere else?
AS : Yes, public toilet also reserved.

I : ???
AS : 50% of toilet for SC/ST/OBC only. All FC while going toilet stand only on one leg. The other position for keeping leg reserved for rear class.

I : I think it is time to end the interview.
AS : No, wait. Escalator reservation policy you no hear?

I : Ok, go on.
AS : Front people not allowed on escalator. Only rear. So rear will go front faster than the front. All my idea.

I : Ofcourse! What is your answer to your crictics who say all this is vote bank politics?
AS : Definitely not. False charges.

I : How say? ... shit .. I mean how do you say that?
AS : In India there is Indian Bank, State Bank, Canara Bank, Reserve Bank, but no bank called vote bank. If they want to prove charges, ask them to show pass book.

I : That's it. Thanks a ton for your time Mr. Arj....
AS : Thanks is reserved word for rear. Front no say that, ok?

I : ...un Singh. Good night!

Huh. Such government policies make it seem a lot better if the parliament is adjourned sine die! Mandaikku maela masurum illa, mandaikulla moolaiyum illa. Orey kushtamappa!

Disclaimer : All names and designations are as usual fictional. Any resemblences to a real life character is purely because of the matching stupidity levels

****

This post is dedicated to this lady, for threatening me to post soon or have my fan status withdrawn on Orkut

Awards, pudhusu kanna pudhusu!

With elections around the corner, MUMMY is taking full fledged action to please the people, section by section, strategically. Last month, the list of Kalaimamani awardees were announced, which featured everybody including Kalai's uncle, who was given a numerologically modified "Kalai Mama Nee" award. As the next step, relaible sources of pravunplugged confirm that MUMMY would be naming awards after prominent people for their contribution to the country. This exclusive report elaborates on the details.

Henceforth, the best actor would be given the 'Statue of Bulty' award to celebrate the historic nuclear deal which provided all the nuclear fuel that India needed to accomplish tasks which are no more harmful than aani pudungifying. [Pravunplugged comments : Honestly, we don't require nuclear fuel as long we have Aalo Parathas, but it is upto the government to realise.]

The best actress each year would get the 'Urgent Bathroom, Hence I Resign Gandhi' award since it is widely appreciated to name stuff after members of the Gandhi family. [Pravunplugged comments : Matter movie actresses viz. Bollywood heroines and people who hold similar offices of profit must be exempt from the category]

'Arey Haan Ji' award would be given to the best Music Director, who would be selected on the basis of their originality. This highly controversial stipulation rules out the Anu Malik and Deva families for their next seven generations. [Pravunplugged comments : Harris Jeyaraj must be given special consideration for his inclination towards the language of the Australian aboriginal's, who incidentally speak no known language and are infact non-existent in the first place]

Next on line is the 'Karumai Nira Kannan' award which honours the person with the most romantic expression in films which may include the rolling of the tongue and a romantic bite of one's own karugi pona lips, a naughty pinch on the hips, bambaram spinning etc. [Pravunplugged comments : Black Cat secoority must be provided to the affected heroine since the after effects can be deadly]

The best newcomer receives the 'Kokkara Kozhi Raasathi' award, which is a special category applicable to both the male and female gender. The award is to honour Top Star Prashanth, who has acted in 17 films in the last one year alone, fortunately none of which have been released. [Pravunplugged comments : Prashanth must stop acti..err...doing films]

The next award, the 'Sokkai Podaatha Swapna Sundari' award, is to encourage youngsters, who may have may not have talent but possess a lotsa other things which are vital in nature, to come up and show the world what they have got. [Pravunplugged comments: I volunteer myself to be the umpire at the next WTA tour, without salary and other perks]

To instill team spirit into the youngsters, MUMMY is also giving away a special 'Namma Ooru Paanjaali' award, which highlights the values of working together inspite of age barriers, ego clashes, salary issues and two extremely ugly faces. [Pravunplugged comments : Indha kodumai-ku Namitha nadicha matter padamey thevala]

The 'Kolangal Loosu Abi' award is for those people who possess a strong belief that a pinju pona Pondy Bazar handbag always holds enough money to help those in need, in short, it is for the mentally challenged. [Pravunplugged comments : A strong contender for this award is Saritha, who boldy and stupidly, agreed to wear TShirts in June R]

The last, but the most prestigious award is to kindle the scientific brains to come up with answers for baffling questions like - 'TR moonjila mudi molachu irukka, illa TR mudi-ku nadoola moonji molachu irukka' and 'How Simbhu missed the evolutionary process'. It will be known as the 'Karadu Kutti Veerasamy' award. [Pravunplugged comments : No comments!]

Disclaimer : If you really did believe all this crap, well, Happy Birthday!

*Shock*

Before somebody asks, NO, I have neither had a sex change operation nor do I plan to have one!

Before the rest ask, NO treats shall be entertained!

Sudhesi : Must Watch

Finally!! I watched THE man on big screen and fortunately, being really strong hearted, I am living to tell you about it. I found it an amazingly entertaining movie and would recommend it to all you guys and gals out there for two main reasons. One, its super fun. Two, its totally economical - you can buy a ten rupees ticket and still manage to sit in A row, for all you need to do is turn back and understand that you are alone. So lets get to the review of Sudhesi, the film of the year 2006.

Read Review. . .

I watched the film on Saturday with a huge bunch of friends. The theater was jam packed with around 12 people and over 948 seats. The whistles began right away. It was a pleasant shock that the film was produced by Sudhish, an ultimate fan of Captain. I guess he chipped in with this movie before "That Four Letter Word" so that he could possibly invest the huge profits obtained from Sudesi. He told me that he did not sponsor Captain's clothing alone, which is understandable since buying off Aravind Mills is not an easy joke.

The film starts off on a political note : the death of the Chief Minister, which completely puzzled the viewers since Captain hadn shown his face yet. Riots break out everywhere after the new Chief Minister is decided and that is when Captain comes into the picture. Such an awesome intro he gets. A group of rowdies try to kill a poor man during the riot and suddenly the theater erupted as the camera joomed to show us a man wearing a sports soo and running on the road like Gilli Vijay. [Trivia : This road later came to be known as Bannerghatta Road] When the camera joomed out, there was an amazingly youthful Captain in a red tracksuit. He was drop-dead gorgeous : five people dropped dead. Captain came walking towards the rowdies with camera trying to focus his face from beneath his shoes like in Chandramukhi, but unfortunately his stomach stood in between and they ended up focussing something private. This was followed by terrific fight sequences, at the end of which there was so much destruction that all the shop owners felt that it was more economical to allow the riot to continue next time.

Sudhesi is basically a do-gooder. He helps people round the clock. Velai vetti illa-nu vidhyasama solli irukkar director. He solves a mystery involving the death of a young boy and gives a half an hour lecture in the court which impresses the judge so much that he appoints him as a Public Prosecutor in his court. However, Sudhesi's extraordinary language skills played spoilsport since a Bublic Brasecootar made him appear like a Naidu Hall salesman he loses his job. He has statistics about each and every thing in the universe in his finger tips and often lectures people with such intensity that it would make even Ramanujam hate numbers. The only other thing possible was mentioning his vital statistics, which was left out since it hasn't been measured accurately due to inadequate technology.

As always, Captain proves that he is highly romantic. He is constantly nagged by his mora ponnu who, for some reason, finds him to be the hottest person on earth and troubles him to marry her. I did not find any compelling reason why a girl would love Captain, considering the death rate of his heroines, unless ofcourse she'd been paid all the extra money like Isha Kopikar in Narasimha. So, the director had to be really smart and he was. All scenes were shot in the evening coz the heroine had maalai kannu noi.

Karunas has been included for comedy, but he pales in comparison to our MAN. I pity Sudish who ended up spending extra money for a redundant character. There is a scene in which Karunas and Sudhesi travel by bus. They were both supposed to travel on the footboard. However simple equations of physics showed that if that scene was shot, the bus would topple for obvious reasons. So Sudhesi alone got a nice place inside the bus, as a result of which it was completely crowded and Karunas had to hang on for dear life hoping that Captain doesn't sneeze or cough. In certain scenes, the direction was completely flawed - Captain says to Karunas, "Dei nee powder poosina panni maadhiri irukka" - it is always better to rehearse the scenes so that you don't end up saying the other person's dialogues.

Captain's costume in the movie were revolutionary. His wardrobe was provided by M.A. Jacob, the carpet people. The colourful flowers on his shirts are only found in two other places - bedspreads and ooty flower show. It is said Sudhish refused to buy faded jeans and so Captain bought normal 52inch jeans, forced himself into it and made faded designs with chalkpiece. Such wonderful costumes made Sudhesi appear so youthful that it gave us a glimpse of how Captain might have looked during his adolescent ages. He was equally scary then. He infact rides an Enticer with such ease that it looked like he was riding a tricycle. Such was his class. In one scene, the heroine jumps into the bathroom where she thinks Sudhesi is taking bath and with her looks matching that of her man's, the guy inside comes out shouting "Ayyoo Peyiiiii". Thank god Captain was not inside the bathroom, or else the heroine would have come out running. There is a duet song in the movie which has extremely relevant lyrics about Pongal festival. Captain has danced very lightly for this song and thus the heroine was reported to be safe.

Kadhai-la ippo dhaan taRning point. The Chief Minister and his right hand are totally greedy and selfish in this awesomely innovative script. They do lotsa kedi thanams including killing the ex-CM, which the right hand secretly tapes using a micro camera. This video falls on the hands of Sudhesi. After having watched Ramana, the right hand knew that this was highly dangerous since Captain was the only person capable of dragging and dropping new pieces of information into videos using Windows Media Player. The right hand comes looking for the CD and holds Sudhesi's mom a hostage with a knife and a gun simultaneously. But he had already seen Narasimha, he knew that Sudhesi would dodge all the bullets and decided to use a time bomb instead. He locks Sudhesi and his mom inside a room and fixes a time bomb. The bomb explodes. Mom dies. But amidst the flames thalaivar comes out flying. Sudhesi escapes. The bomb had actually thrown Sudhesi out of the house into a safe area. Friendly bomb.

In the second half of the movie, Sudhesi decides to use the CD and blackmail the CM to do good stuff for the people. The CM decides to kill Sudhesi and there is a super fight in a shopping complex with Captain wearing the kalyana band master dress seen in the posters. He freezes after every punch he delivers and the camera jooms to show his eyes in close-up which had as much sex appeal as a garbage truck. Even his coolers refused to stay in its place and flew away, but Captain pulls it back with a romantic stare and a there-is-nothing-like-early-morning-shitting smile.

Sitting on the stairs of a half-constructed building, Sudhesi proposes reforms in the medical field to the CM. This caused unnecessary expenditure for Sudhish, who had to pay compensation for damaging the foundation of the building. So next time onwards they decided to use fax mizeens. Sudhesi, who failed four times in fourth standard, now proposes educational reforms that take the entire state by storm. All this increase the popularity for the CM and he wins the elections easily, while it was the mastermind of Captain in the background!

So the CM calls Sudhesi to a place that is supposedly a factory but has a double cot in the manufacturing section. What sort of a factory would have a bed in such a place? Sudhesi senses that there is something fundamentally wrong and just as he expected the bad guys appear out of the blues. Plenty of wired stunts in this scene with Captain being wired with Amman TRY Murukku Kambis and lifted by cranes. One senseless guy tried hitting Captain with a steel rod, which just bends around Captain's wrist like a watch. What a man. Suddenly one bad guy says, "Dei ivan romba nallavan da, evalo adichaalum chamatha freeze panni nikkaraan" and the fight stops. The CM apologises to Sudhesi and urges him to become the CM. That triggered a half hour Sudhesi sbeech which makes you desperate to take a dip in the evergreen cooum and close your ears with cork. After the speech, the CM commits suicide for making the deadly mistake of holding "talks" with Captain.

Captain is back in form after a really dry period last year. Punch dialogues like, "MGR-kum enakkum orey oru vidhyasam dhaan. Avar kai-aala adipparu, naan kaal-aala adippaen" made us have a hearty laugh in the theater after we made all crooked sentences out of it! (Purinjavanga sirichukkonga pa, inga me no tell that, naan good boy!) The heroine disappears after the first half since Sudheshi did not want to distracted by silly matters. Everybody wondered what happened to her, but I am sure she must have cancelled her dates on the pretext of going on a sight seeing to Dumil Kuppam, after the duet song with Captain.

I thank Sudhish from the bottom of my heart for giving us such a wonderful film, and hereby confer upon him the title, "Sudheeshi".

Disclaimer(s)
1. Sudhish Kamath ! = LK Sudhish, the producer, even though its nicer to assume it that way. Any koshteens about this matter greatly denigrates Suderman's image as a Captain fan and thou shall be taken to court
2. Heroini-ku maalai kan noi-ngarthu poi!
3. Matters mentioned in the review have been assumed to be factual, they may or may not be facts and I may or may not speak the truth!

Yabba...vaera edhavathu miss pannitaena?

Women's Day : The Complete Story

Today, millions of women across the globe are celebrating their social, political, cultural and economic achiemevents which have aided in their transformation from mere objects of pleasure to really powerful objects of pleasure. So, as always, I am commiting myself to analysing the scenario and spreading awareness about how woman have been smart enough to acquire a day for themselves and are really happy celebrating it, while the still smarter men are extremely pleased to silently watch the group of girls in such celebrations.

Let me warn you before hand that the analysis shatters the myth that women had been suppressed for many years. It's based on the fact that women suffered at the hands of men for decades and inflicted suffering for centuries. So it's basically like Da Vinci Code : totally exciting and completely false.

It all started off long long ago, so long ago that nobody could say how long ago.

Creation of Universe
God was busy creating the universe and he had only 7 days for that task. However God, being God, handled it all like a child's play. "Let there be light", he said and there was light. "Let there be animals", he said and there was the Vijaya TR family. After God received complaints of ear bleeding from their fellow animals, he thought that Vijaya TR must be made to sleep to prevent ecological imbalance. So he said, "Let there be darkness", and consequently there was Dr. Prakash and Sivakasi Jayalakshmi. Finally, the tough part. Humans. After putting a lot of thought, God created man first. He thought to himself : Umm, I can definitely do much better! He tried again and this time created woman. Now he thought : Damn my overconfidence, I swear on God, yeah that's me, that I'd never try again! Thus came two of the most important species on planet earth.

1589 BC
Man and woman did not know the very purpose of their existence in this cruel world, for there were no porno movies then. They were pretty stupid. Woman had however discovered a new weapon - her speech, one that continued to torture man for centuries to come. The fact that the speech consisted mainly of "Grrr", "Tutt tutt" and "Baa Baa Boo" did not make matters by any means soothing. Man could speak too, but he was usally left speechless, understandably so, since they had not discovered as yet that leaves could be used for clothing.

483 BC
The torture was on the rise with the woman's lexicon increasing a rapid pace and man had to find out some way to cope up. "Baa Grrr", he used to curse the guy who, of all things to do in the world, discovered clothes. If that was not enough, he haid to pay 10 pebbles for a plankton leaf skirt and coconut leaf tops for her, while there was just one type of clothing for himself- cactus briefs, which he figured he'd rather stay without.

12 AD
It was in this year that the female domination faded away a little. Man had effectively devised a method to make his female partner finally shut up. Gopale Kissne, a native of France, discovered the solution while administering mouth-to-mouth on a hawt chic and got really excited that the chic choked to death. This was later named after Kissne and came to be known French Kiss. This was, however, not a definitive solution since for figures like Soha Ali Khan, the tip of the nose was 1.4 km from the face and this made the approach difficult. Nonetheless, a revolutionary breakthrough had been made.

638 AD
In accordance with Darwin's theory of evolution, which was non-existant then, women learnt to adapt after 500 odd years of suppression. It took them such a huge span of time to realise that they could cry and use it effectively against the menfolk. So they started crying day in and day out, without glycerine, without provocation, without Ekta Kapoor and Karan Johar. All men hate tears, except Karan Johar ofcourse, and by the same non-existant Darwin's theory they knew that it would take around 500 years for them to adapt. Why the hell did the non-existant theory have to be so slow? That was still a mystery obviously because the theory was still non-existant.

1256 AD
The solution did come, but it was an expensive one. The male gender decisively concluded that to stop the tears women had to be distracted. They had to be involved in something that enchanted them. Something stupid, coz that's what girls fall for. So, men decided to send them off shopping. The possibilities were never ending since every woman was capable of identifying the difference between a Blackish Black and a Very Very Dark Blackish Blacker Black. Men were not allowed to accompany them, since women felt it was sacrilegious that men were incapable of spotting discernible variations between a Blackish Black and a Very Very Dark Blackish Blacker Black, which the men gladly accepted. Woman were thus under control, yet again.

1859 AD
Darwin proposed his theory of natural selection exactly ten years before the birth of Mahatma Gandhi. Not that this adds any significance to our analysis, just that I know these details.

1909 AD
Women finally started realising that shopping had distracted them so much that they did not even know the really obvious fact Mahatma Gandhi was forty years old, Nehru was twenty and most importantly that there was no difference between a Blackish Black and a Very Very Dark Blackish Blacker Black. So they decided to protest, make their presence felt and get back to shopping first thing the next day morning. A National Conference for Women was held to spread awareness and this was attended by 3 women from 5 countries (two of them had dual citizenship), who decided that it din matter if Mahatma Gandhi was forty and went on to discuss why one of them was wearing a Blackish Black earring for a Very Very Dark Blackish Blacker Black dress (some people held their beliefs that these were two distinct colours and that those who believed otherwise were men). The conference made waves all over the world and all women finally decided that it din matter to them if Mahatma Gandhi was forty.

1917 AD
Women in Russia demanded bread, peace, cheese and a diamond ring from the Czar on the last Sunday of February. The Czar decided to hold a meeting with women and settle the issue.

Czar : So, what is it that you people want?
Woman : (After was a quiet discussion with all her mates) Nothing.
Czar : Nothing?
Woman : (After another quiet discussion) Yeah, nothing.
Czar : Then whay are you out here protesting?
Woman : The shops are all closed on Sunday. We heard you were free, so we thought we'd just drop in.
Czar : Do you demand bread, peace, cheese and a diamond ring?
Woman : (After yet another quite discussion) Yes.
Czar : Ok, peace. Granted.
Woman : You are giving us only peace. What about the bread, cheese and diamond ring?
Czar : I mentioned peace as in lets have peace between us.
Woman : We are not going down so cheap. We want the bread, cheese and diamond ring too.
Czar : Ok ok. So you get the bread, cheese and diamond ring. Happy?
Woman : Now, what about the peace, you bastard!

The Czar abdicated. This historic day later came to be celebrated as woman's day; the last Sunday of February.

1925 AD
There cropped up a problem with having the celebration on the last Sunday of February. A teaser ad which did the rounds on lotsa television channels, "Sunday-na rendu" became so popular that the men started to read between the lines. They took it as a Government request to the public and implemented it with full vigour. By the time the Government explained that it was not a sex drive, the TVs had been switched off. So, Sunday was ruled out. The date for the event was decided with an overwhelming majority by the same 3 women from the same 5 countries, two of whom had dual citizenship. It would be March 8th, they said and so it is.

1975 AD
God is believed to have made a secret attempt in this year, breaking his vow that he'd never ever try to create another species. Ravi Krishna was born. "Old age, I need rest...whoever forced me to do this", he said under his breath and disappeared.

2005 AD
With the verdict of the 3 women from 5 countries still under effect, women have made great progress in all spheres, rendering men jobless at times. As a desperate measure to turn the tables, Shahrukh "Queen" Khan stepped into the bathtub with rose petals reassuring the world that men and women are equal.

Women now have an equal footing in the developed sections of the society and are revered all over the world. However, shopping still distracts them so much that they still do not know that if Mahatma Gandhi had been alive today he'd be 137 years old!

Happy Women's Day!!

Disclaimer : The above analysis is false to the best of the profound knowledge of a person who knows Mahatma Gandhi was born in 1869 and most importantly that there is indeed no difference between a Blackish Black and a Very Very Dark Blackish Blacker Black.

Update : On a serious note, the least I could do . . . Please Go here

Finally, the man is back

Its time to rejoice for millions of Captain fans around the world and even those from the planet Kandravia Galactica, where scientists say they have found traces of the DNA that match Captain's. The man is back with his latest flick, Sudhesi, in which he obviously plays a cop.

The advertisements were flashed in all leading news papers in the country like Dinakaran and Thamizh Murasu announcing that Sudhesi, the most awaited film of the year (amongst wild boars) would hit the screens tommorow. The film must have been out much earlier, but people said that the theater owners were not willing to buy a Captain flick. What crap! Sources close to pravunplugged recently confirmed that the news was entirely false. They say that the actual reason was that the theaters did not have the proper infrastructure to screen his films, the screen was way too small and the projectors were not sturdy enough to run a Captain film, they collapsed in 3 micro seconds.

Sudhesi is rumoured to be a remake of Swadesh, with slight changes to suit Captain's image. Shahrukh played the role of a NASA scientist who returns back to his motherland after being fascinated by it. When the movie was proposed to be made with Captain in the lead, NASA threatened to soo (sue) the producer for denigrating its image. So Captain decided to play an Indian cop (the kalyana band-master dress which he is wearing in the poster is him in mufti) who returns to his hometown, Vandalur, which he finds to be infested by terrorists and vows o get rid of them. It is the first bi-lingual Captain film. The film is simultaneously being release in Telugu under the name 'Paradesi'. When asked how Captain managed to speak Telugu, the director says, "Tamil mattum ozhunga pesidaraara? Adhey maadhiri dhaan Telugu-um pesinaar".

Mother nature spat her rage all over the globe last year since she was in a really depressed mood and there was unfortunately no Captain flick to cheer her up. Terrorists started showing their ugly head in many parts too. All that will not happen this year, for our Captain is back! Yayy!! One person, however, who is in grave danger is the heroine of Sudhesi. After learning about Pratyuksha and Soundarya, the actress has asked for police protection.

It's been my long time aim to watch a Captain flick first day. Seriosuly, does anybody have tickets??? Please help me!! I badly need them

Update : I have uploaded another pic of Captain from today's papers. The page may thus load a lot slower owing to the 1.3GB size of a Captain pic. Sorry for the distarpance

Thanks a ton people!!

Fourteen months. Hundred and twelve posts. One lakh hits. Yaayy!!

Thanks a million to all those people who've visited this space, including the guy who came her looking for "Nayanthara wet saree pics" and vowed never to come back again after he learnt from my blog that Nayan was too big to be covered in a saree; and the mami who landed her searching for guidelines to make a "Kambi Padam" for her pori urundai!

Every new blogger on the block has just two things in his mind. One, to increase the blog traffic. Two, to increase the number of comments that he gets. If you disagree, then you'd probably record 8.2 Richter in a polygraph test. The easiest way to get both done, is being a hot girl or atleast pretend to be one. I used to be spellbound by their capacity to stir up 179 comments for a "I am having loose motion" blog, that includes 150 'take cares' and 29 odd suggestions to try Andial tablet, M-seal, cork etc. Narayana, indha alanjaanunga thollai thaanga mudila da. Orey kushtamappa. Since I was neither smart enough to know this strategy earlier, nor was I rich enough for a sex change operation, I was terribly stuck up with a useless blog.

It was Google which helped me increase traffic in a strategic manner by directing people searching for "Dikkilona", "Under skirt pics", "White wet saree pics" to this blog. Though such referrers made me feel as if I was the owner of Desibaba, I was extremely happy, desibaba is a popular site nonetheless. There were people who wanted to see Trisha and Kushboo taking bath and came her with great hope. Sorry to disappoint you guys. If at all you succeed in your quest, please forward them to pravunplugged@gmail.com. Am equally keen.

The spammers deserve a mention too for earnestly offering me best deals to buy anything from golf clubs to viagra pills and simultaneously making the number of comments look more impressive. I have no idea why they thought I'd be interested in playing a game as stupid as golf. It's got the fundamentals absolutely wrong. You are supposed to put the ball in the hole asap. No wonder its dumb.

I get few mails as well, from those who are not upset with my blog, for they did not come her looking for 'Mallika Sherawat Topless'. My favourite, is a mail from a Captain fan requesting me to send nice pics of Captain Vijaykant. Whatever made him think that 'nice' pics of Captain were a possibility. I din want to disappoint him anways and so I tried to upload some pics to the Google server and send it to him. Understandably, the server crashed.

Special thanks to all those who've linked me on your space despite me being a guy. Ungalukku ellam periya manasu. Neenga ellam 16 pethu big life vaazhuveenga

I realise I've been highly dormant in the past couple of months and you guys have been visiting despite that. Adhukkum thanks!!

I've said so many thanks in this post. So let me follow the protocol and mention that Mother Teresa is my role model and I'll strive for world peace!

Thank you and keep visiting!!!

The Bird Flu Bible

The detection of bird flu in India has caused great panic in many parts of the country, especially among those organisms which are apparently not birds, viz. humans. However, the birds, being the second most dim-witted creatures after George W Bush, bite the dust even before they realise that they need to panic. Thus, as an owner of a socially conscious blog, I have decided to write in detail about bird flu, so that fellow humans stop panicking and the birds realise that it's high time they start panicking.

Avian Influenza, which is better known as 'Bird Flu' among humans and simply as a 'Darned F*cking Cold' among the birds, is caused by a H5N1 Influenza virus. These sets of influenza viruses are incidentally part of an elite group of viruses that have names as dumb as those for U.S. visas. They are generally contained in the intestines of wild migratory birds, which use them as a lethal weapon when a domestic bird refuses to comply to the wild bird's demands of a one night stand. The wild birds live up to their name and go wild over the fact that they had travelled half the bloody globe just to be shown the middle claw by these desi birds. Hence, they pass on the H5N1 virus to the domestic birds which catch a really bad cold and sneeze so hard that the neighbouring domestic bird threatens it to either leave the farm or watch Aadi and Sivakasi back to back. As I said, being the second most dim-witted species on earth, they choose the latter and inevitably die.

The first case of bird flu was reported in China a year ago. It slowly spread to other species in China including snakes, squids, sea-horses, octopuses, crabs, monkeys, caterpillars, centipedes, millipedes, cockroaches etc etc, as a result of which one quarter of the Chineese population died of starvation. The Chineese birds were understandably the dumbest in their species since most of them were bound by the Imperial Decree, which explains why it all started there. (Trivia : The only non-Chineese to be bound by the Imperial Decree is George W Bush) From China, the disease spread to Thailand, Malaysia, Russia and other neighbouring nations except India where the migratory birds dare not set their claws since they heard Salman Khan was on a killing spree (one half of the casualties were shot dead by Salman himself and the other half died of disgust, watching the man topless for the 1754th time in two years). As soon as he was thrown into jail, the deer population threw a party with chants of 'Get a life, and a shirt, Salman!'. Tons of birds and animals, including Deve Gowda, attended the feast. It was during this time that a drunk wild bird approached to a desi chick for some fun, for which the desi bird said, "Saale, mein mar hee tho jaaon, par thumhare saath matter nahi karoonga" (Meaning : I'd rather watch a Karan Johar film instead of sleeping with you). Thus began the outbreak of bird flu in India.

Bird flu spreads at a rapid rate from one bird to another and is thus as fatal as watching a close-up shot of S.J. Suryah at midnight. The fatality rate for the former is however a meagre 90% in comparison to 100% for the latter. The virus spreads through the mucus and droppings of the infected bird and it is thus highly advised that these domestic birds form a Panchayat headed by a Naatamai and cage-a vittu othukki vechufy the infected birds or risk death. If the infected bird fails to comply, the Dubai technique of throwing stones is recommended. This process is widely known as 'cull-ing'. The humans, however, don't need to worry as long as they are not inquisitive enough to analyse bird droppings and mucus, or Japaneese enough to bite raw chicken.

The symptoms of bird flu are fever, cold and a severe running nose. If you become really really weak and end up saying, "What the bloody hell is wrong with me?!", it's time to see a doctor at the earliest. The doctor might advise you to take ECG, EEG, urine test, stool test, X-Ray of your right leg and a scan of your brain and analyse it greatly, by which time you might be dead. If you die, then the doctor confirms that you had an acute case of bird flu, or else it was just a bloody cold for which you had spent 25K like a nutter.

The Government is taking all necessary steps to contain the outbreak. As a first step, Salman has been released on bail. The deer population immediately announced a 'Fast until Death' protest in a remote forest area which was so remote that the Government din get to hear it. So they decided that it was better to return to their habitat and start grazing instead of trying to reach the ears of the Government past Manmohanji's turban-ed ears. Next, the authorities are culling the poultry in a 10km radius from the outbreak with special attention to those who attended the "Get a life, and a shirt, Salman!" party. The Parliament has banned chicken, turkey, duck and Laloo from the entering the Parliament. The Border Security Force has recommended huge cut-outs of Laloo to be placed along the Indian border in an attempt to scare away the even the wildest of birds. The RSS is pressurizing the Government to cancel all permissions given to latenight parties saying that it was the anti-cultural activities that caused the disease. They also hailed the chicken which said, "Saale, mein mar hee tho jaaon, par thumhare saath matter nahi karoonga" since it displayed a great deal of respect for our cultural values.

Down here in Tamil Nadu, all hospitals are on a high alert. The Chief Minister has also ordered that actor Ajith Kumar be quarantined because of his suspicious looks. There was little confusion over whether S.J.Suryah was affected, but that was clear after the actor showed his childhood photos and proved that he'd looked the same right from childhood.

So spread word guys. Please don't pan. . . *achoooo* *sniff*. . .ic.

Was with this really hawt chic named Asin yesterday. I doubt if hawt chics can cause bird flu as well. Why else would I be sneezing? :-)

Disclaimer : All names used are fictitious. Any resemblences to anybody living or dead are fictitious as well