Sunday, February 18, 2007

How to become President

India is claimed to be a land of equality. To validate this claim, the Government had already taken an innovative step towards making everybody in the country equally backward. Next, it is rumoured that steps are being taken to make even the post of President reachable to the common man.

Learn how to apply . . .

1) Application Form

The application form above has been issued by the Samajwadi Party for them to evaluate the candidate whom they would be backing. Take a print out of the form, fill it up and send it to them at

If you haven't started wondering how would you e-mail a print out, the chances of your application being considered are very bright. Congrats.

2) TASMAC Challenge

Buy a quarter from your nearest TASMAC outlet and collect the letters below the bottle cap. If you succeed in forming the word 'President', you get to participate in the Guduvancheri Spelling Bee contest. If you form the word 'Amhithabbh Bachchchann', you will get the support of the Government to run for President.

Terms and Conditions Apply. This is fine print and is not supposed to be visible. If you are able to read this, call 100 and say 'Mamu, therithu ba' and you will be prostituted or prosecuted as the company deems fit.

3) SMS Contest

Send an SMS to 35007 saying "Pliss, I also the President" and you will be automatically considered. Charges Rs. 10 per message. The money collected will be donated to Shilpa Shetty Welfare Association for building a temple for her in London. Media will be given 10% of the funds to encourage them to cover the event in depth.

Disclaimer : Facts in the above post are as credible as promises in an election manifestoes. Anything which seems insulting is purely a result of possessing knowledge which is against the ideologies of this blog!

Cheers :)

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Wednesday, February 14, 2007

Veerasamy, The Bold God

First, congratulations for seeing the pic and staying alive to read this. If you were thinking that the snap was taken last year during the elephants' yearly vacation in Mudumalai, you are probably viewing a thumbnail. Joom in, view full size and you will repent for calling elephants fat. There you have India's answer to Jurassic Park : Veerasamy, a Vijaya TR film. A bunch of us representing the Chennai Cheri Bloggers Association relished the fruits of the good deeds we did during our previous birth by watching the best entertainer ever produced, beating Captain's Sudhesi and Narasimha hands down.

*You may read the review without any fear of spoilers. I assure you that there is no story to let out*

Start the Jungle Safari . . .

The screening rights for Veerasamy were bagged by a whopping 43 theaters in the city. Unfortunately only one theater managed to acquire a floodlight to project the film, without which it was impossible to penetrate TR's hair and get the picture on screen. Abirami mega mall is a pepped up version of Saravana Stores with 19 people appointed specifically to do a Tirupati style jarugandi jarugandi at the entrance. The theater was maintained as well as the toilet at Sathyam Cinemas with clear instructions for the visitors to spit their paan on the walls and not on the floor. Watv, lets start!

The city is troubled by Rousu Rani who is doing a gouravamaana vibachaara business. She tries to expand her business to a Special Economic Zone which happened to be Veerasamy's area. The bad guys start bullying people. Suddenly, four people fly out of an asbestos tent. Bang. The tent door opens. There is a road roller parked there. Joom in. It's Veerasamy in black and black to complement his kumkumapoo colour. Weapons are thrown at him but nothing happens since he has as much hair on his body to shield him from a nuclear attack. Karnanukku eppadi oru kavasa kundalamo, adhey maadhiri TR-ku mayiru. This is followed by amazings stunts in which Veerasamy jumps atop cars and eliminates the bad guys. It was the first time in history that an Ambassador car sustained damage.

Veerasamy is a highly respected bear in his constituency. M.A.B.L padichirukkaaram, adhavathu andha naalu alphabets avarukku thorough-va theriyum. He is also an MLA. That mishap occured in the year Salman killed the blackbucks, which resulted in a huge sympathy wave for all animals including bears. He appears whenever people are in trouble and solves their problem by staring at them, thereby making them realise that there are bigger problems in life. When a corrupt official tells a poor guy, "Indha kaaryam nadakkanumna weight-a edhavathu kodu", bear appears with a paarangal and asks "Indha weightu podhuma?" The officer wonders whether Veerasamy was referring to the paarangal or himself!

Mumtaz has taken up the most challenging role in her career, which is to constantly drool at Veerasamy. In most scenes she lands up in trouble and is rescued by Veerasamy making the audience wonder whether MLA stands for Member of Legislative Assembly or Mumtaz Lovers Association. She is delighted when she gets a job as a servant at Veerasamy's house for the only reason that she had never seen a zoo.

Veerasamy has a sister who he holds close to his heart. [Trivia: The closest anybody can get to TR's heart is a distance of 1.3 km taking into account all the masculine hair] Never in the history of Tamil cinema have TR's parents died without giving him a girl child to take care of. *tortoise coil* One thin boy [who would have been ragged to death in school by now for playing junior Veerasamy] affectionately feeds his sister bread and porai. However, looking at their current sizes, that was probably the only scene in which she got to eat! The boy works for daily wages in a construction site and makes his sister study in a convent [confirming his knowledge of M,A,B,L]. He also talks about a billionaire Ibrahim Ravuthar who had brought him up and died subsequently due to lack of funds.

The sister, Senthamizh, falls in love with a 'guy', R.Arun brother of RousuRani. He looked like a person whose sex change operation was halted mid-way due to shortage of a few vital organs. He is a modern guy with something like a Navarathri golu padi screw in one of his ears. Though Veerasamy is againt their love, he fights till the end because he knows that avan azhagukkum arivukkum sathyama vera yaarum kadaikka maatanga.

The romance between Veerasamy and Mumtaz is elevated to new heights. Mumtaz steals Veerasamy's Pears soap and uses it. Do bears use Pears? Anyways, Mumtaz passionately uses the soap thinking about Veerasamy and feels so proud probably because she rescued the soap. She starts hallucinating that Veerasamy is on top of her. Fortunately for her, they remained hallucinations. She lies down everyday on a poster of Veerasamy which was printed on paper manufactured by destroying half the bamboo trees in China. But for Itch Guard, she wouldn't have been able to rest her face on his beard. She drinks the water dripping down from his beard, as a result of which she had cholera for fifteen days and the shooting was postponed. Finally, in an ultimate expression of love, she tattos his name on her chest! [Am considering quitting MBA and becoming a tattoo artist]

Songs take up 140 mins of this 150 minute film. 9 minutes have been used for TR punch dialogues and 1 minute for the story. Almost all songs have the word Veerasamy in them, be it a duet for his sister and ajakku or an oppari song for a person in his thoguthi. It is said that TR put in a lot of effort and refused to shit for two days upto the song shooting. His perfect steps are a tribute to the dance classes he attended at Slim Line Gym. He has worn everything from sherwani to suits to plain undraayer revealing lungi, but always managed to look like a jute bag containing Ponni raw rice. The songs have been picturised in grand sets which make as much sense as having a room heater in Chennai. There is a special romantic song with Mumtaz in a tub of milk. Only two packets of milk were used for it but the tub appeared full when TR and Mumtaz stepped in.

Veerasamy is faced with too many problems. He loses the elections and compares himself with MGR, Kamarajar and Sachin Tendulkar to justify the loss. Luckily for him, the first two are dead and the third one does not know Tamil. Police arrest him under ganja case and tell the Commissioner, "Ivana adichu road-la jetty-oda izhuthuttu varanum-nu nenachaen sir, aana pannala" to which a person from the crowd promptly added, "yaena avan jetty podala sir". Mumtaz is forcibly married off to the new MLA. Dejected, Veerasamy jumps into a rocking chair and defies the laws of physics by not toppling it. Tears drip over his beard and reach his mouth which is opened like the lid of a western closet. In all senti scenes he pointlessly looks around like Pithamagan Vikram. He blurts out, "Enna dhaan irundhaalum naanum manushan dhaaney ya" for which the crowd unanimously cheered a "Illa, karadi!"

In the climax, Veerasamy fights Rousu Rani's rowdies with an aruval and also dances simultaneously because of which his dhothi falls down to reveal his undraayar. Impressed by what they saw, Sudarmani Inc has signed TR as the brand ambassador for their latest free size jettys. Veerasamy picks up his dhothi and continues the steps he learnt in Gemini Circus during his internship. In one last romantic depiction, Veerasamy's dhothi orasifies Mumtaz face during the fight. After succesfully nadathi vechufying his thangaachis marriage, Veerasamy looks down and finds that he has been standing in his jetty aka undraayar for the past fifteen minutes. Avamaanam thaangama he sits down on his rocking chair. The chair doesn't rock. Thamizh cinema dictionary padi, doctor kannadi kazhattinaalo, aadara chair/oonjal ninnalo aal gaali-nu artham. Mumtaz dies too since she had been holding her breath ever since dhothi had orasified her face. The whole theater gave Veerasamy a standing ovation for his energetic body language even after death.

TR had said that he is very slim in the film. Very true. He is the second slimmest person in the film, next only to Mumtaz. The entire cast is eligible for transport only via cargo. It is thus capable of breaking the box-office itself. He has worn sleeveless shirts, track suits and tried his best to look 'youth', but ended up looking something rhyming. Simbhu photo appears throughout the film and beats the 'Pulli Rajavukku AIDS varuma?' campaign for being the most effective disease awareness campaign.

TR is the producer, director, story writer, script writer, art director, music director, singer, cinematographer, clap-board handler, light boy, office boy, hero and comedian in the movie. This has ensured that all aspects of the movie were equally bad except for comedy because it was unintentional.

The film is doing brisk business and is a potential threat to Sudhish's 'That Four Letter Word' which is releasing later this month. It is rumoured that the TV rights for the film recieved bids from international channels like National Geographic, Discovery and Animal Planet leaving Sun TV with no chance at all.

On the whole, please make sure that you watch the movie on the big screen if you want to watch the whole of TR! :) TR-in sevai indha naatukku thevai!

Note 1) Happy New Year :D Vaakku thavara maatom-la! :P

Note 2) Happy Valentines Day! Stop gifting teddy bears to your girl friends. Be creative and buy tickets for Veerasamy to show her the real bear! :)

Note 3) 30 more posts and one lakh more hits! Thanks a ton!! Pardon my laziness! :) I am getting back to my old commenting system not withstanding the trouble of spammers :(

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