Celebrity Cricket League : Whattey!

While the Indian team was busy visiting moothra sandhu's in Australia & moochu thenara thenara adi vaangifying, BCCI called for a meeting of all jobless celebs from across the country. TN was represented by a 3 member team of Sarathkumar, Srikanth & Vikranth who have been relatively free since the birth of Jesus Christ. AP was going to send that Country Club Reddy fellow since all he does is pose for photo with his thumbs up, but had to send Venkatesh since Reddy was in a photo shoot. Karnataka sent some 20 stars, but none of them have reached the airport yet; they are believed to be still on their way. Kerala was a bit busy striking against a strike that was unsuccessful the previous week. Salman was supposed to represent Mumbai but was not allowed into the venue since the security guard did not recognize him in t-shirt. And the result of this crucial meeting is what we know as the Celebrity Cricket League.

The CCL had the ingredients required of success. One, cricket. If 'Watching Cricket' is not listed as a hobby in one's resume, it could result in cancellation of Indian citizenship. Two, cine stars. Nobody reads about Mother Teresa, but everybody loves to know about mother of Trisha. And mouth waterfalls are opened when heroines with open hair jump around waving flags, biting nails. [ FYI, grandmothers would call this 'dharidhram' or 'peedai' and blame you squarely for not providing a conducive atmosphere for Lakshmi to enter the house ]

But I was not too fond of it. Though the cricket was ok considering it was not being played by professionals, it was a little drab. You know. Like watching that flute Ramani play the flute on mute. [ FYI, this is called a TRhyme. New word. ] But it was not until the last two matches or something that I paid attention to the commentary. It was just legendary. If all the vaakkiyams spoken by commentators Mohan Ram, Balaji & Badava Gopi were sethukkified in Thanjavur kalvettu, sori naai would have lifted one leg and gone chuchu on it. Like I said, leg-undery.

Like many others, I live tweeted a lot of it. But did not like that it was buried somewhere. So what follows is purely a collection of the commentary I heard, mostly by legendary commentator Mohan Ram. Slight twist. What if Goundamani was the co-commentator?

Read On . . .

"Indha stadium la oru beautiful atmosphere, appadiye Adelaide maadhiri"
Dei parachute mandaiya. *slap* Adelaide-a munna pinna map-la paathirukkiya nee? Nee vaangara anjukkum paththukkum unakku indha vilambaram thevaiya?

"LBW na enna nu inga neraya paerukku theriyaathu. LBW na leg before wicket"
Pinna naanga mattum enna edhavathu ketta vaarthai na sonnom? Periya Vivekanandaru. Ivarukku therinja karuththa makkalukku parappuraaru, naaye!

"enna kaetta avar risk edukkama cricketing strokes aadarthu safe"
Dei. Ippo unna yaaru kaetta? Kai la mic kodutha enna vena pesiduviya nee? Ippo cricketing stroke aadunga, safe-umba. Appuram aanurai poattu aadunga, safe-umba. Yaenda imsai pannareenga?

"beautiful atmosphere. the crowd is going hunky dory"
Dei dori kanna. Edho rendu word manappadam pannitu vandhu film kaatariya? Indha dakaalti ellam en kitta venaam. Ozhunga pesu da!

"that is a beautiful flick, illa cut. eppadi vena sollalam"
Echa kala naai nu sollalama? Therila na therila nu sollu. Flick kum cut kum enna da sammandham parangikka mandaiya!

"Vishal face la paatheenga na oru innocent boyish smile...oru impish smile"
Yaen, studio la puli bommai pakkathula nikka vechu photo edukka poriya? DSLR vechirukkaran, tripod vechirukkaravan ellam photographer-aam. Ada naatula indha photographer tholla thaanga mudila pa.

"theriyatha neyargalukku sollaraen. wide ball-na leg side la pona adhu wide ball"
Ei. Stop. Makkale nalla kettukonga. Ippadi dhaan oorukulla romba paya thiriyaraan. Ball nalla neettama irundha adhu wide ball-mban. Indha ayogya payala nambatheenga.

"Sudheep is playing a brave innings here" [ Sudheep is on 2* ]
*slap* Rendu run adichathu brave innings na, oorukulla avan avan 99 century adichuttu thiriyaraan, adhellam enna da solluva?

"now Mohan Ram joins us in the commentary box. Avar senthamizh la periya expert"
Senthamizh la pesa inga enna pattimandrama nadatharaanga? Illa indha naai tholkaapiyatha mozhi peyarka pogutha? Aiyyayyayyo. Tensan, tensan, tensanappa!

"that is an agricultural shot"
*slap* unna ippadi ellam pesa solli yaar da solli kodukkara?

"they are singing hose-annas for Rishi"
Yaar avaru? Unna annar-a? Nee mudhal-la naan sollartha correcta repeat pannu: 'Pushpam azhagaga poothirundhathu'. Enga sollu paapom.

"Vishal vandhu namma Dhoni maadhiri"
Appo Dhoni enna unga chithappa maadhiriya? Narayana, indha kosu tholla thaanga mudila da, marundhu adichu kollunga da!

"actually paatheenga na, cricket la by-runner vechu odarthu romba kashtam"
Yaen nee odi paathiyaakum? Paradesi naaye. Romba pesina orey app-a appi puduven.

"adhu oru costly miss-a irukkum nu nenaikkaraen?"
Yaen andha miss-u cheap-a irundha vilaikku vaanga poriya?

"usually ball endha pakkam move aaguthu nu kandupudikka wicket keeper endha pakkam poraaru nu paakanum"
Dei. Andha naai daily somba thookittu vaaikaal pakkama pogum. Neeyum pona paakkalam.

"future-la indha event innum massive-a nadakkum. appadiye expand aagi hollywood heroes aaduvaanga nu naan ethir paakaraen"
Aama. America la Michael Jackson kooptaaha. Sappan la Jackie Chan kooptaha. Enna da color color-a reel vidara? Vettiya irukkara naalu naainga-la kooptu cricket aadittu, ennavo olymbic nadathara maadhiri build up kodukkaranya.

"oru clock-la eppadi ella mul-um correct velai seyyanumo, adhey maadhiri dhaan broadcasting. andha video room ku ponaen. wire-ellam appadiye katti vechirukkanga"
Aamam, avuthu vecha nee dhaan uruvittu poiduviye. Time paaka theriyaatha naai ellam gadigaaratha vechu analogy pesuthu da Narayana!

"umpires paatheenga na vellarikkai maadhiri cool-a irukkanga"
Yaen uppu molaga podi thadavi beach la vikka poriya? Nee kooda dhaan parangikkai maadhiri veengi poi irukka. Idhellam commentary-a da?

"indha tournament paatheenga na ICC rules padi dhaan aadarom"
Idhu ICC ku theriyuma? Appo ICC rules padi dhaan Namitha va andha pakkam sightscreen-a nikka vecheengalakkum?

"and he's a goner"
Periya British Governor General ivaru, puriyaatha English la mattum dhaan pesuvaaru. Komutti thalaya!

"I think this is a very important wicket"
Soringa officer. Nee I think pannadhu podhum. Poi annanukku oru tea sollu po naaye.

"Naan inga Saba Karim kitta kaettaen. Adhu out nu dhaan sonnaru"
Avan enna janadhibadhi-a? Kari kadai-la velai paatha naai-ku ellam cricket-a pathi enna da theriyum?

"according to ICC rules..."
Enna? Unna thookki poattu midhikkanuma?

"Run out kodukkareengalo illaiyo, kadaisi pandh-il run illai. Chennai Rhinos vendru vittargal" [ When it was 1 run to tie and a run out was being referred to the third umpire ]
Nee sonna indha vaakkiyatha Thanjavur kalvettu la sedhukki vechuttu adhu pakkathulaye okkandhukka. Unakku pinnadi vara sandhadhigal, adha paathu padichu thelivu adainjuppanga

"Chennai vendru vittargal. emotional scenes. Vishal stadium-ai suthi vandhu, kai koopi, kai yendhi..."
Pichai edukkaraar-a? Appadi edutha dhaan nee pichai poda poriya? Un pocket la irukkara naalna ku unna ulla vittadhe thappu. Odi poidu.

There stops my memory & there ends my effort to archive this pokkisham. If you know any more commentary means, pliss to share. If world is destroyed and blogger server is excavated by some future species, I want them to know about CCL & Mohan Ram. [ Note to Future: Hey future species, Mohan Ram could be your dad. Ask mom. ]

I would like to take this opportunity to thank Mr.Mohan Ram and his ghoshti for making CCL an entertaining event. I read some one saying that Bharat Ratna should only be awarded to people who do things beyond their paying jobs. I hereby extend my fullest support to recommend Mr.Mohan Ram for the award. If Ratna is not possible, atleast some Bharat Pithalai or something should be given. Idha pathi naan Home Minister kitta pesaraen!

CCL. Well, I don't care if they do this to all sports as long the commentary is by Mohan Ram. Like you know, Celebrity Chess League, "Andha kudhirai egiri guthithu L-shape-il sendrathu"

But I would like to summarize CCL using one of the most irritating viral thingies that has been polluting my FB feed. Simply. Because being the irritator feels good.




Okbye!

PS: Mohan Ram has a blog. mohanramanmuses @ blogspot. Check out. Killer header image :P

2011 - Year in Mokkais

Yo boys. I am write blog. Mokka blog.

As I write this, India is mukking in Aus. 11 paeru. Moochu thenara thenara adikkaranunga. Mokka start to 2012. Mokka ending also predicted by Mayans. Gods are probably talking about it.

Shiva: Dei Vishnu
Vishnu: Yes mama
Shiva: I am only destroyer no?
Vishnu: Yes mama
Shiva: Then why you need Kalki avatharam? Sit simply.
Vishnu: 10 is very round number da. They took movie also with that name. So I will wonly take off da.
Shiva: Ok po, when you are taking da?
Vishnu: This year only, I think.
Shiva: What?? This year-a? Have you taken birth and all?
Vishnu: Yes da
Shiva: Adapaavi. Who?
Vishnu: Sachin da. People also know. They call me God.
Shiva: Semma. Destroy off today then. Very tiring, this job.
Vishnu: Pls machi. Innum orey oru century adichuttu...
Shiva: Aiyo, bleddy fellow, what is it with you and round numbers? I give you till end of year ok? If not I will destroy off.
Vishnu: Nanbaen da!

Ok mama. Now tune change-u. Small size mokkais about last year-u. Mostly english-u.

Ready. 1 .. 2 .. 3 .. 4 .. !

Gautham Menon released Nadunisi Naaigal without any BGM. Also without any story, screenplay and direction.

Captain caused confusion after a newspaper quoted him as saying, "Raja sould be arrusted for causing loss to the eggs checker". He supposedly meant exchequer.

Raja was arrested and sent to Tihar. Took offence when the jailor tried to console him saying, "(h)otha hai".

Animal Planet acquired 50% stake in Kural TV. TR released the Afro music that has since been scientifically proven to turn on a female hippopotamus.

India won the cricket world cup after 28 years. Indians were overjoyed that there will be no more Hindi interviews of Kris Srikkanth describing the catch which Kapil pakda for Richards out karne ka.

Sachin was spotted outside TASMAC with RC & water packet after he overheard Sreesanth speaking to his mom, "Enda amme, totally rendu world cup medal kitti"

Kalmadi was asked to organize the Common Wealth Games, and was arrested for taking it in the literal sense.

Before killing Osama, the NAVY SEALS asked him, 'Do you have a last wish you mother f*****?' He replied, 'Yes, kill me before RA.One is released'.

Jaya became CM. Praised Anna naamam & MGR naamam. Iyengars confused.

Inflation was a major issue. Especially for Thala Ajith.

When asked if he does any homework to practice his expressions, Cheran revealed that he does not go two bathroom during the entire shooting schedule.

Kalimozhi sent to Tihar. A visibly happy Raja called the jailor and told him, "(h)otha hai".

Jaya wrote 18923 letters to PM in 3 months. Not sure if they contained 'Will you have fraanship with me?' messages.

Amar Singh tried out phone sex. There was a leak and the world came to know. Pun unintended.

Farmers in UP protested that they could not live on Rs.32/day if Rahul Gandhi ate their dinner every night.

Vaughan suspected that Laxman used vaseline on his bat. Could be true or false depending on what bat he was talking about.

Troubled by Suriya's constant thoppai exposure, people suggested that BCCI send him on overseas tours to provide a flat track.

Tamil cinema got a vidi velli - Power Star Dr.Srinivsasan. He looks like shaving panna TR, that is, some one who justu missed two million years of evolootion.

There was an all India meeting to discuss why Prashanth was still acting in movies.

Gayle to WICB, "Guys, I am finally in awesome form, lets become great team!" WICB to Gayle, "Fack, you are dropped!"

Jaya announced that 250 public toilets opened by DMK will be converted to Urine Test Labs for the poor.

RA.One released. Manmohan speechless.

Sagarika Ghose conducted a interview with BabyB minutes before it was born. Later clarified that uterus cam and all was a technical glitch.

Burkha Dutt stuffed a mic in BabyB's mouth and asked how it felt. Later apologised for being naive.

Arnab Goswami questioned BabyB over the telephone and also answered on its behalf. BabyB cried and hung up.

Undiscolosed sources revealed that BabyB is currently taller than Suriya by a few inches.

Indian Kabbadi world champion team goes back home by rickshaw. Govt confessed that they were unaware of the event and thought it was Ghilli climax scene shooting for a Hindi remake.

10 Indians applied for Pakistan citizenship after they were harassed by the "Every Indian must read this" messages on Facebook.

Google search for "Vidya Balan hot" used to return images of her with an iron box. Naseeruddin Shah replaced the iron box.

Vidya Balan went to skin doctor for some treatment. Doctor told, 'It's ok ma, no need to show, yesterday only I saw in night show'.

Every one who has completed saralivarisai came up with a Kolaveri video.

Sharad Pawar slapped hard. Doctors confirm that it is a medical miracle that his face is still distorted.

TR danced topless in African forest. The term 'flash mob' was coined.

Godrej agreed to sponsor a saavi koththu for STR's kaakavalippu problem after seeing his love anthem.

Poonam Pandey offered to strip if Sachin scored his 100th ton. Sachin said, 'Podi Pandey', and later admitted to making a typo while speaking.

Kapil Sibal wanted Facebook to hire people to manually read through every single update posted. Somebody needs to tell him that all IT employees do this only.

PM visited Chennai to accept Jaya's fraanship request and collect any letters that have not been posted yet.

Captain was arrested for waving a black flag when PM visited Chennai. He was released after he clarified that he was actually drying his komanam.

After finding out that Power Star Dr.Srinivsan is in Chennai, Thane puyal thaane diverted itself to Cudallore.

Jodhida Megamani Lion K.Paarangal told Sachin that Sani is vakram-ly looking at him after peyarchi. So he has suggested that Sachin ethify nei vilakku in nearest Sani temple, and write 'Sachin 99+1' with kari on the wall.

Anna Hazare went without food for several days for a Lokpal Bill. Hence became the #2 Googled person in India, behind only Katrina Kaif, who released Chikni Chameli.

Poonam Pandey announced that she will strip for the New Year bash. Kapil Sibal confirms that she has nothing significant to censor.

AND

Happy New Year! =)

PS: Don't make resolution and all this year. Ulagam azhiya poguthu. Open the bottle!

Kodi Vilayaadu Paapa

We have had a fair share of KBC variants in Tamil. It all began with the dubbed version of Amitabh's KBC. But it was discontinuted after some one pissed Amitabh off by asking why he was speaking Tamil in Nizhalgal Ravi's voice. For the uninitiated, Nizhalgal Ravi is the guy who comes on TV to sell land in areas expected to develop by 3000 AD. Mahavatar Babaji is the only investor who could potentially benefit from such a bargain. Anyways, the difference in stature of these two was so big that Amitabh had every right to be pissed. If Amitabh is like the guy travelling in his BMW on an eight lane highway @ 200kmph, Nizhalgal Ravi is like the guy who sells that yellow towel / multi-colour duster when cars stop at traffic signals.

Then there was this non-dubbed version by Sarath Kumar which never really took off. Sarath typically started the show with a "Naan reddy, neenga reddy-a?", thinking that would be some kind of a style statement. But it only caused confusions. People assumed only Reddy's could apply, while the Reddy's never applied because they could make more money in the same time by selling granite. Disappointed Sarath quit, joined politics and vowed that he will not become CM for more than two terms even if people insisted. Apparently they have not even insisted once yet.

Continue Reading . . .

SRK's KBC also did not last long. He appeared on show with one small kudumi, like one vedam reading brahmana boy. DMK told Vijay TV to only allow participants whose names ended with 'nidhi'or 'giri'. Vijay TV tried explaining that in a dubbed program, they can only change the voice and not the participant. But DMK members who are so used to these kind of hoardings, cried foul. SRK thus quit and went on to make his dream project..titled some Ra.One or Ra.Pichai or something like that.

And now, the big show is back on TV! The ad is being telecast 873 times in a day, beating the previous record held by Sun Pictures' Vettaikaran trailer. And the host... Suriya - son of Sivakumar, brother of Karthi, father of Diya and husband of Jothika. Pardon the rather elaborate introduction. But they come as a package. You buy one means, you get the other four free. So it is quite possible that you will see all five of them sitting around Computer ji in the show.

There are some teasers that show Suriya dressed in a suit and walking like a guy who has just appplied itch guard between his legs. Was not too impressed. I think Vijay TV would do better to tweak the show keeping in mind Surya's image. Below are a few things that might work.

Costume
Making Suriya wear a blazer is like making Sunny Leone wear madisar. Sacrilegious. So, like the popular jannal vecha jackets, there must be one cutting done to reveal the six packs. THE six packs that made even Anna Hazare so jealous that he goes on a GM diet every few months. Sample costume below!



Advertisements
No commercial breaks! All ads could be projected during the programme itself, right onto the six pack... thanks to the innovative costume! You know, like, "Guys, need a flat stomach? Contact 12345" or "Gals, need implants for a chest as flat? Contact 12345" written on Surya's tummy? Here's what it could look like on the show..



You could also follow the same approach for the sms thingy to get people involved, or even get ads for a social cause!

Seating
The host seat was actually designed with Amitabh in mind. So asking Suriya to get on it is a tall ask! So I have designed (& patented) a seat that works...



Lifelines
1. Family Poll (sample) : Anyone from Suriya's family, including onnu vitta mama's and all can vote.
2. Phone Sivakumar : Participant is allowed 30mins to get the answer. Ear plugs available on request.
3. Aspirin / Anjol Aluppu Marundhu : To deal with the fatigue of talking to Suriya family. Included on humanitarian grounds.

Sample Questions
There MUST be a generous amount of Suriya related questions so that there is better family viewership of the programme. Suriya family's viewership, that is. So here are few that could work...

Who choreographed the song Engenge Engenge from Nerukku Ner?
A. PT Usha
B. Milka Singh
C. Usain Bolt
D. None of the above. They kept running because there was a street dog during the shoot.

What does Suriya do when he sees the villain sexually abusing a girl in Ayan?
A. Beats him, he is the hero.. duh!
B. Enjoys the music in the club
C. Takes a video of it so that he can prove to the girl's dad that the villain is a bad guy
D. Both B & C

In 7am Arivu, why does Dong Lee tilt his head throughout the movie?
A. So that he appears shorter than Suriya
B. He had sulukku. The Iodex he bought from China was fake.
C. Hypnotism means like that wonly
D. He was playing Saanjadu Amma Saanjadu

Why does Suriya tell Jothika "Nee thottadhu edhayum naan thoda maataen" in the Sunrise ad?
A. Jothika aathula illa. Theettu.
B. She is currently cheetangol
C. S.Kozhuppu
D. So that one million people can say awwww for no real reason

Will such genuine sections be a part of the show? We'll have to wait and watch!

P.S. : Trying to remember when I became 'anti-Suriya'. Used to like him a lot during the Pithamagan days. I find his movies ok once in a while, but unable to tolerate him & his family in any stage show! Mosquito problem! :-S

P.P.S.: I have had a few people email me asking if I would ever blog (flattered!)...TRYING to revive the blog. Have no idea how long this would continue, but will try! In case any of you old-timers still around, howdy? :-)

P.P.P.S: This day, 2004, was when I started blogging! If I am allowed to say, this marks the seventh anniversary of my dormant blog! Yayy! :-D

Cheers!

Thalaivar

Can't wait for the movie!

Thanks to Aunty for ripping and uploading it :-)

Awards, pudhusu kanna pudhusu!

With elections around the corner, MUMMY is taking full fledged action to please the people, section by section, strategically. Last month, the list of Kalaimamani awardees were announced, which featured everybody including Kalai's uncle, who was given a numerologically modified "Kalai Mama Nee" award. As the next step, relaible sources of pravunplugged confirm that MUMMY would be naming awards after prominent people for their contribution to the country. This exclusive report elaborates on the details.

Henceforth, the best actor would be given the 'Statue of Bulty' award to celebrate the historic nuclear deal which provided all the nuclear fuel that India needed to accomplish tasks which are no more harmful than aani pudungifying. [Pravunplugged comments : Honestly, we don't require nuclear fuel as long we have Aalo Parathas, but it is upto the government to realise.]

The best actress each year would get the 'Urgent Bathroom, Hence I Resign Gandhi' award since it is widely appreciated to name stuff after members of the Gandhi family. [Pravunplugged comments : Matter movie actresses viz. Bollywood heroines and people who hold similar offices of profit must be exempt from the category]

'Arey Haan Ji' award would be given to the best Music Director, who would be selected on the basis of their originality. This highly controversial stipulation rules out the Anu Malik and Deva families for their next seven generations. [Pravunplugged comments : Harris Jeyaraj must be given special consideration for his inclination towards the language of the Australian aboriginal's, who incidentally speak no known language and are infact non-existent in the first place]

Next on line is the 'Karumai Nira Kannan' award which honours the person with the most romantic expression in films which may include the rolling of the tongue and a romantic bite of one's own karugi pona lips, a naughty pinch on the hips, bambaram spinning etc. [Pravunplugged comments : Black Cat secoority must be provided to the affected heroine since the after effects can be deadly]

The best newcomer receives the 'Kokkara Kozhi Raasathi' award, which is a special category applicable to both the male and female gender. The award is to honour Top Star Prashanth, who has acted in 17 films in the last one year alone, fortunately none of which have been released. [Pravunplugged comments : Prashanth must stop acti..err...doing films]

The next award, the 'Sokkai Podaatha Swapna Sundari' award, is to encourage youngsters, who may have may not have talent but possess a lotsa other things which are vital in nature, to come up and show the world what they have got. [Pravunplugged comments: I volunteer myself to be the umpire at the next WTA tour, without salary and other perks]

To instill team spirit into the youngsters, MUMMY is also giving away a special 'Namma Ooru Paanjaali' award, which highlights the values of working together inspite of age barriers, ego clashes, salary issues and two extremely ugly faces. [Pravunplugged comments : Indha kodumai-ku Namitha nadicha matter padamey thevala]

The 'Kolangal Loosu Abi' award is for those people who possess a strong belief that a pinju pona Pondy Bazar handbag always holds enough money to help those in need, in short, it is for the mentally challenged. [Pravunplugged comments : A strong contender for this award is Saritha, who boldy and stupidly, agreed to wear TShirts in June R]

The last, but the most prestigious award is to kindle the scientific brains to come up with answers for baffling questions like - 'TR moonjila mudi molachu irukka, illa TR mudi-ku nadoola moonji molachu irukka' and 'How Simbhu missed the evolutionary process'. It will be known as the 'Karadu Kutti Veerasamy' award. [Pravunplugged comments : No comments!]

Disclaimer : If you really did believe all this crap, well, Happy Birthday!

Finally, the man is back

Its time to rejoice for millions of Captain fans around the world and even those from the planet Kandravia Galactica, where scientists say they have found traces of the DNA that match Captain's. The man is back with his latest flick, Sudhesi, in which he obviously plays a cop.

The advertisements were flashed in all leading news papers in the country like Dinakaran and Thamizh Murasu announcing that Sudhesi, the most awaited film of the year (amongst wild boars) would hit the screens tommorow. The film must have been out much earlier, but people said that the theater owners were not willing to buy a Captain flick. What crap! Sources close to pravunplugged recently confirmed that the news was entirely false. They say that the actual reason was that the theaters did not have the proper infrastructure to screen his films, the screen was way too small and the projectors were not sturdy enough to run a Captain film, they collapsed in 3 micro seconds.

Sudhesi is rumoured to be a remake of Swadesh, with slight changes to suit Captain's image. Shahrukh played the role of a NASA scientist who returns back to his motherland after being fascinated by it. When the movie was proposed to be made with Captain in the lead, NASA threatened to soo (sue) the producer for denigrating its image. So Captain decided to play an Indian cop (the kalyana band-master dress which he is wearing in the poster is him in mufti) who returns to his hometown, Vandalur, which he finds to be infested by terrorists and vows o get rid of them. It is the first bi-lingual Captain film. The film is simultaneously being release in Telugu under the name 'Paradesi'. When asked how Captain managed to speak Telugu, the director says, "Tamil mattum ozhunga pesidaraara? Adhey maadhiri dhaan Telugu-um pesinaar".

Mother nature spat her rage all over the globe last year since she was in a really depressed mood and there was unfortunately no Captain flick to cheer her up. Terrorists started showing their ugly head in many parts too. All that will not happen this year, for our Captain is back! Yayy!! One person, however, who is in grave danger is the heroine of Sudhesi. After learning about Pratyuksha and Soundarya, the actress has asked for police protection.

It's been my long time aim to watch a Captain flick first day. Seriosuly, does anybody have tickets??? Please help me!! I badly need them

Update : I have uploaded another pic of Captain from today's papers. The page may thus load a lot slower owing to the 1.3GB size of a Captain pic. Sorry for the distarpance

Looking back at 2005

2005 remains a truly forgettable year plainly because of the number of disasters that caused great damage to life and property. Minus that, and you are left with a huge bunch of funny events.

Nature
2005 saw the wrath of mother nature. After tripping over and causing a tsunami with her dance in the sets of Ghajini, Nayanthara was fortunately bedridden. However, South Asia experienced numerous aftershocks in the beginning of the year. The Central Beero of Investigation probed into the issue and brought the situation under control by ordering the Telugu dance masters to refine their dance steps immediately. Another major quake rocked Bakistan after Gabtun sky dived into the gamps of the deeviravaadhis and fell on his butt. The death toll was close to 30K, but Captain escaped unhurt.

Meanwhile, several hurricanes battered the US of A and the people were clueless about how to face them in future. Condoleeza Wheat suggested the screening of Shakthiman everyday at prime time to scare away the hurricanes. The idea clicked. After watching one episode, the people of Florida moved out faster than the hurricane and Wilma refused to go past Mexico. Wheat said, "We are considering changing our national emblem from Bald Eagle to Bold Shaktiman."

Floods in Chennai are usually as common as hot babes in the IITs. However, incessant rains this year flooded Chennai, Bangalore and Mumbai. Aerial surveys were conducted by all party leaders who had not been on a helicopter earlier. Mr. Mike Mohan Singh exclaimed, "The ride was breathtaking. I wonder why Essel World and Kishkintha don't have such rides. The fan, however, was outside the chopper. I will discuss with Ponia ji to change the design. Either the fan must be inside or I must be outside!"

Politics
The American President George Bush waged a war on Iraq because he suffered from severe constipation. The British Prime Minister Tony Blair supported the move since his dog suffered similar symptoms. After 1.5 million deaths, Saddam was taken to court, where he was found guilty of possessing biological weapons when he let out a loud fart. Bush's constipation has cleared up now, but the judge and the jury have got their nose blocked.

The dumbness of many Indian ministers was exposed when they were caught on cam taking money for asking questions in the Parliament. One of them agreed to ask the Honourable Speaker what he did during his summer vacations, while the other one, addressed to the Prime Minister wanted to know why Margazhi Kutcherys were held in RR Sabha, Narada Gana Sabha etc but not in Lok Sabha and Rajya Sabha.

Natwar Singh and his son were caught in the food-for-oil scam. The BJP leaders demanded that Natwar resign. Natwar failed to oblige. Manmohan Singh was under fire from them as well. He turned a deaf ear to them. They then demanded that Congress President Sonia Gandhi resign. She didn't care either. Thus, with no other choice, Advani resigned.

Sports
India's most brilliant Captain Saurav Ganguly, who had an average between Pi and 2Pi in his last twenty innings, was surprisingly dropped from the squad. The Prince of Kolkatta was so talented that he could bat at any position for full two minutes (action replay time inclusive). Greg Chappel sent a confidential e-mail regarding this to Mr. Raj Singh Dungarpur, which was published in the newspaper before it reached his mailbox.

Sharat Pawar, who knows as much about cricket as Mandira Bedi, now heads the BCCI. India thus became the only country in the world where a politician is in charge of cricket, an actor in charge of administration and a buffoon in charge of the Railway Ministry.

Sania Mirza took the whole of India by storm after she jumped around the court in skimpy clothing. She has a cute face with glamorous eyes, tiny pink lips, terrific thighs, sexy hips and a great figure. And if I remember right, she plays Tennis.

Movies
Rajnikant made a comeback as Dr. Saravanan; Dr. Bradley's first disciple. (Enna koduma Vasu idhu?) Vasu spent around 20 crores to buy Eyetex for Jothika's eyes and 10 crores to buy Tantex to cover up Prabhu and Ramkumar. Ramkumar also made a special guest appearance in the film, which incidentally was the most scary scene in the film.

Shankar managed a comeback too, with Anniyan. The film was initially given an A certificate since there were too many close-ups of Sodha..err..Sadha. However, Shankar corrected it with graphics. Those close-ups were later printed on pumpkins during Ayudha Pooja and were a huge success.

Ghajini, another superhit movie, was Surya's biggest hit of his career. Though Surya's dance steps in the film reminded the audience of the Bagyaraj of yesteryear, gals somehow appreciated it and found him oh-so cute. The film was a big opportunity for Nayanthara to showcase her talents. After seeing this film director Ramanarayanan has signed her for his next film where she plays the lead role of Ganesa. Sodha co-stars as Ramu. [For the uninitiated, Ganesa and Ramu are traditional names of elephant and monkey in Tamil films]

Verdict on Cheran's Thavamai Thavamirundhu is not yet out. The first show of the film, which started at Dec 9th at 11:00 AM, is still going on. Theater owners want the film trimmed since they believe they will be unable to accommodate the Pongal releases. According to the latest information, Cheran stopped his cycle at Coimbatore for a tea break on his way to Kargil. Realistic cinema at its best.

Music
Pop King, Michael Jackson, was accused of sharing his bed with kids and molesting them. However, he was cleared by the jury, who said, "No kid in his right mind could afford looking at Mr. Jackson at such close range and then survive to tell about it". It may be noted that Jackson had undergone 4x10¹¹ plastic surgeries to change his face into something like that of Ravi Krishna.

Britney Spears became the proud mom of a baby boy. Britney was uncertain about the child's surname as she could not pin point a single person. She was clueless as to who got lucky and who didn't. The matter was resolved with a lucky draw, the results of which were published in Tamizh Murasu. Ticket number 3,27,085 was declared the winner. Summa nachchunu irukku!

Yuvan Shankar Raja had a great 2005 with really nice albums to his credit. However, it is greatly advised that he visits the bathroom and eases himself before he sings. A couple of bananas a day might help if he suffers from the same problem as George Bush and Tony Blair's dog.

Srikanth Deva and Sabesh Murali received Matrix and Warriors of Heaven and Earth sound tracks respectively as a birthday gift from Deva. Greatly inspired by these masterpieces, they have used it in every other film of theirs, as a tribute.

Misc
Matter Saamiyar Chaturvedi was released after he proved in court that the man in the video was not him. He argued that he did not have a machcham in the iduppu and urged the judges to watch the clip again. The fear of watching a matter video starring Chaturvedi, who was like a hairy version Captain's younger brother, made the judges skip the video and pass the judgement.

Bill Gates, during his visit to Chennai, met the DMK chief Mr. Karunanidhi to discuss the development of IT sector in Chennai. After one and half hour of thorough discussion, they decided that Bill Gates did not know Tamil and Karunanidhi did not know English and that it was best to say "bye", for that's the only common word they knew.

The name of a popular gameshow on Jaya TV, Jackpot, was aptly changed to Jacket. Kushboo's massive collection of torn blouses have been displayed at the Madras Museum for the 'pinnala vara sangathigal'. Since words like inflation, economy, market, export etc made no sense to political parties, they decided to shift their focus towards Kushboo's jacket, which is of utmost importance for a developing country like India.

The biggest disappointment of 2005 was that there were no Captain films!! 2006 is in for a double treat with Perarasu and Sudhesi both looking good!!

Have a blast this year folks, as there can be no better reason to celebrate!! Hope u guys had a great new year! :-)

Disclaimer : All facts stated in the above post are fictitious :)

**

P.S. : With this post, me ends my self-imposed exile

The Boss

Pic : Suruttified from newspaper

Varippuli jaathi-a irundhaalum seri, Sakthi udambula paathi-a irundhalum seri, michcham meethi-a irundhaalum seri, ini ungalukkellam beethi!

Konjam unga BGM ellam mute-la veyyungappa, enga thalaivar varaaru!

Shooting starts today! Yayy!!

King or Queen?

Lux has completed 75 years in the industry and it seems to be celebrating it in style by roping in Shahrukh Khan for their latest ad. At first glance, I was excited hoping to see a babe in the bathtub filled with rose petals a la American Beauty. But it was Shahrukh saying, "I am going to reveal my beauty secret - LUX", with one those 'provoking' looks. I had every reason to believe Mani Shankar Aiyar would schedule an appointment with him next week.

In an era obsessed with equality of women, every woman achiever is proudly hailed for venturing into fields dominated by men. Here we have an exception on our hands. One man ventures into unexplored grounds viz. a bath tub filled with rose petals that had long been associated with babes like Hema Malini, Sridevi, Juhi Chawla and Ravi Krishna. King Khan stands out. Thank heavens he did not choose to do it literally and was complacent to remain seated in his bath tub. Shahrukh's long hair, which I believed was for some film, started making more sense now. Just that they had to advance the ad shooting by a couple of months.

Beauty has invariably been associated with the female gender. It is nice to see a babe sitting in the bath tub with froth covering the essential areas alone and a smooth soap sliding on her smoother skin. The entire thing has a nice feel to it. It is thus complete injustice to have Shahrukh in such an ad just because he has this smoothy skin, totally waxed chest, long hair and willingness to jump into a rosy bath tub. If at all there is a sequel planned, I just hope they don't make Shahrukh, dressed in his undergarments, dance in some waterfall. Or else he might, for all you know, be forced to lead the protest by Mumbai bar dancers against the government.

An ad targetting men generally needs to cover all the galeej aspects - dripping sweat, dirty clothes, bacteria underarm to name a few. Why this formula, nobody knows. Probably they try to portray men as active and hardworking and show the consequences of being so. All prodcuts meant for men are thus extremely strong, including the red Lifebuoy that was once believed to be used in the construction of Red Fort. Men stink, but are condemned to a worse fate with Lifebuoy and so they stink further while women use fragrant soaps. This unwritten rule was not followed by Medimix and Margo and they ran out faster than Sibiraj films. The Lux ad is thus seen as a breaker of barriers. But replacing this by rose petal filled bath tub? We prefer to stink!

If the trend continues, we might end up seeing a whole lot of innovative ads. Radhika might be roped in for Gillette Mach3 considering she has more facial hair than most men while Murali who speaks in a very low tone might endorse Whisper. Ravi Krishna will be benefited the most with offers from both sides.

The ad was thus clearly an attempt to lure in more men to use Lux. Probably the bathtub could not be done away with coz it held some sentimental value and Shahrukh was victimised. With such a repelling portrayal, they'll get just two new customers - Mani Shankar Aiyar and Shahrukh himself. It would have been a lot better if Shahrukh was applying soap to some babe in the frothy tub. That's targeting the audience!!

King Khan must definitely get out of that tub as soon as possible. Hopefully that happens behind the scenes.

Rejection Dejection - Part 2

No intro stuff for ths one, this is on the lines of this.

Interviewer : Did u expect your visa to be cancelled Mr. Sidhu?
Sidhu : The American policy is as unpredictable as Laloo's butt, they explode at any moment.
Interviewer : Any comments?
Sidhu : If only people had brains the size of JLo's butt this could have been avoided.
Interviewer : How are you feelin now?
Sidhu : As comfortable as having a porcupine below my bum.
Interviewer : How should India react to it?
Sidhu : India is bending down in front of a bull with a red cloth on its buttocks. Time to get up.
Interviewer : Why do you always stick with bums Mr. Sidhu?
Sidhu : It is important that one puts his bums to proper use. Or else you need to use perfumes like pesticides.

***

Interviewer : You know what happened Saurav?
Ganguly : Please don't disturb me now, I am going in to bat, come back later.
Interviewer : Ok, I shall go to the loo and get back, see you then.

*After 2 mins*
Interviewer : It is good to have you back. What took you so long?
Ganguly : These stupid bolwers, they keep bowling no-balls.
Interviewer : Do you know the U.S. cancelled your visa?
Ganguly : Oh no, I was planning to play baseball there.
Interviewer : That's why they cancelled it.
Ganguly : I will take up the matter with Jagmohan Dalmiya. He knows Powell very well.
Interviewer : That's Ricardo Powell Saurav.
Ganguly : Oh. What do I do then?

Saurav Ganguly kya karega? To find out, tune in same time tommorow to Kyunki Saurav Bhi Kabhi Player They.

***

Interviewer : They have cancelled your visa Laxman, any comments?
Laxman : Why? I am no terrorist. Why should they cancel my visa?
Interviewer : Your name doesn't fit on the paper. Vengipurappu Venakata Sai Lax is all they could manage. They tried processing it, but ur name overflowed onto the next guy - Mr. Anketavan had his name printed as Mananketavan for which he is planning to sue the U.S. Government. So they are pretty angry with you.

***

Interviewer : Sir unga visa cancel pannitaangalame?
Rajni : Yeah yeah yeah, Baasha, Maanik baasha.
Interviewer : Sir enna sir ungala insult pannirukaanga, neenga inga effect koduthutu irukeenga?
Rajni : Kanna thadangalukku varuntharthu Doordarshan-oda pazhakkam, aana thadai-a meerarthu dhaan indha Baasha-ku pidikkum.
Interviewer : Enna solla vareenga?
Rajni : Thadangal illatha vaazhakai illa, thadangal illama vaazhkaiye illa.
Interviewer : Idhukku andha dialogue-ey paravala, konjam purinjuthu.
Rajni : Ahahahaha. Unnai yaar madhikkara-nu paarkaathey, nee yaara madhikkara-nu paar.
Interviewer : Vekkankettu vaazhu-nu punch dialogue veraya?!
Rajni : Ahahahaha.
Interviewer : Indha sirippuku oru kuraichalum illa. Seri enna panna poreenga?
Rajni : Namma pakkam aandavan irukaan. Avan paathukkuvaan.
Interviewer : Aandavan enna sir ungala uppu mootai thookiya USA kootittu povaar? Visa vaenum sir.
Rajni : Vaendaam. Naan paattu Imayamalai Chennai-nu poitu vanthuttu irukkaen, enna anaavasiyama seendi paarkaatheenga. En power ungalukku theriyaathu
Interviewer : Neenga enna 100W bulb-a, naanga power ellam therinju vechukka. Naera matter-a sollunga.
Rajni : Naan unnaviratham irukka poraen. Visa kodukkanum appadinu solli, unna viratham irukka poraen. Amam.
Interviewer : Bush-ku edhavathu solla virumbareengala?
Rajni : Visa is the cause of all issues. One should know how to issue it, otherwise your wife will become miserable. En vazhi thani vazhi!
Interviewer : Thani vazhi-na eppadi America-ku Ashok Nagar vazhiya poveengala? Irundhaalum kurumbu sir ungalukku. All the best.

***

Interviewer : Sir unga karuthu?
Kamal : Ah well, Visa enbathin porul "official mark on a passport permitting the holder to visit a specific country" enbathaagum. Nam uzhaipukku kidaitha oothiyam endrum solla iyalum.
Interviewer : Sir??? *aaramichutaanya, kaettathukkum sollarthukkum sammandhamey illama aaramichutaanya*
Kamal : Enakku Master Card-irkum Visa card-irukum vithyasam solli thanthavar, en gurunathar, K.Balachander sir dhaan enbathai naan perumai-aaga solli kolgiraen. Naanum Rajni-um Pizza saaptathai avar innum marakkavillai endru naan nambugiraen.
Interviewer : *ivan oru thodar kathai, nammalum blade-a poduvom* Sir Italy naatil kidaikkum Pizza, ungalukku tharaliyaamey visa?
Kamal : Aaha, kavithai kavithai. Abirami abirami. Nadula indha maaney theney pon maaney ellam poattukonga.
Interviewer : *podaraen da podaraen, ammi kal-a thooki un thalai-la podaraen* Sir ungala kenji kaekkaraen, idha pathi neenga enna sir ninaikkareenga?
Kamal : Well, ennai kaettaal, K.Balachander ayya...
Interviewer : Sathyama kaekkala da saami! Aala vidunga!!
Kamal : Lanjam kaettanga, kodukka maataen sonnaen. Yaenya kodukkanum? Yaen kodukkanum?
Interviewer : Indha imsai-a avunga thaanga vaenama? Kaettatha kudunga sir.
Kamal : Aahh...aaaahh...aaaaaaahhh. Naan yaenya kodukkanum? Naan yaen kodukkanum? Monica Lewinsky kooda White House-laye matter pannitu innum U.S. citizen-a irukaan paaru Clinton, avana kodukka sollu naan kodukkaraen. Vaarathukku oru purushan-nu maathittu irukkaley Britney Spears, avala nirutha sollu naan nirutharaen. Samaadhanam samaadhanam-nu gundu poattutu irukkaney Bush kamnaati, avana kodukka sol, naan kodukkaraen. Naalu paerukku nallathu seyyanumna edhuvumae thappu illa.

***

Interviewer : Unga visa-vum cancel pannitanga sir.
Ajith : Ei, unakku theriyuma, indha Red-oda visa-va yaarum cancel panna mudiyaathu le.
Interviewer : Sir, adhaan pannitaanga sollaraen la?
Ajith : Adhu eppadi le pannuvanga?
Interviewer : Rejected-nu stamp kuthuvaanga sir.
Ajith : Adhu illa le, indha Red-oda power theriyaatha le avungalukku?
Interviewer : Ippo enna power power-nu over-a scene vittutu irukka nee? Enna rendu lorry manna alli poduviya nee?
Ajith : Bush kitta poi sollu le.
Interviewer : Enna nu?
Ajith : Thalai pola varuma-nu kaelu le.
Interviewer : Kaetta thalai-la katti anuppuvaar.
Ajith : Mazhai nikkarthukulla!
Interviewer : Adhukullayavathu kudai pudi, jaladhosham pudichukku poguthu. Unna ellam interview edukka sonaan paar boss, muthal-la avana vettanum!

***

Interviewer : Aiyya unga Visa reject pannitaanga.
Karunanidhi : Periyaar-um Anna-vum vaazhntha naatilae...ippadi oru izhivu.
Interviewer : Sir ungala pathi-a pesareenga?
Karunanidhi : America-vin indha seyal thamizhanukku nadanthirukkum oru periya avamaanam.
Ramadas : Idhai pathi pesa ivarukku endha urimai-um illai. Naan dhaan thamizhanukkaga poraadugiraen.
Karunanidhi : En moochu muzhuvathum nirambi irukkirathu thamizhin uyir ezhuthukkal.
Interviewer : Ippo naanga enna Aayitha Ezhuthu-na sonnom? Yaen sir tension aareenga. Adichukaatheenga.
Ramadas : Enga maela irukkara kovatha dhaan Bush ippadi kaamchuttar-nu ninaikkaraen.
Interviewer : Enna pannineenga neenga?
Ramadas : 40 Days 40 Nights padathukku Thamizh paeru veikkumaru kaettu kondom, poraadinom.
Interviewer : Naarpathu Pagal Naarpathu Iravu-na? Jyothi theater-layum Pilot theater-layum dhaan release panna mudiyum. Kovam vara dhaan seiyum.
Karunanidhi : SunTV andha padatha midnight masala-la podalaamnu plan panni vilaikku kaetta pozhuthu maruththu vittargal. Krathagargal. Arakkargal.
Interviewer : Vaanga AMMA.
AMMA : En visa-vum raththu seyya pattathu.
Interviewer : Yaen?
AMMA : Naan periya gown poattirukarthaala manitha vedi gundu-nu nenachutaanga.
Interviewer : Aaha idhu enna anyayama irukku? Appo manja thundu poatta Karunanidhi-ku jaundice-nu solluvaangala?
AMMA : Indha anyaayatha thadukka naan poraada pogiraen.
Karunanidhi : Appo naan adhai edhirpaen.
Interviewer : Sir unga visa-um reject pannirukaanga sir??
Karunanidhi : Naan indha vayasula eppadiyum anga ellam poga porathu illai. Adhukku naan Jayalalitha seyyum aneethigalai edhirkalaamey?
Interviewer : Idhula enna sir aneedhi?
Karunanidhi : Idhu ellam enakku theriyaathu. Jayalalitha seyyaraanga, aneethi-a dhaan irukkanum, illatiyum appadi dhaan pesuvaen.
AMMA : Enakku time aachu. Naan kilambanum. Annan naamam vaazha, MGR naamam vaazhga.
Karunanidhi : Paartheengala. Naamam-nu solraanga. Avunga jaathi vazhakkam.
AMMA : Naanga oru type of pattai podarom, adhaye bottle-la neenga podareenga, avalodhaan vidhysama. Vaazhga Thamizhagam.

Cheers :-)

Rejection Dejection

Report from the U.S. Government
After denial of visa to Narendra Modi, we have noticed that terrorism has been curbed to a great extent. Osama, who called up last night from Bunker No. 49, informed us that he is extremely pleased with U.S. action towards anti-Islamic nations. Observing the positive developments, in the best interest of world peace, we are hereby cancelling the visas of Manmohan Singh, Vajpayee, Laloo Prasad, Kris Srikkanth, Vijaykanth, T.Rajendar, and Subramania Swamy.

The reactions... (from todays news)

Interviewer : Manmohan-ji, what do you feel about this decision? What do you think is the reason behind this? What impact is it going to have on the country's repute? What is India going to do about it?
Manmohan : I welcome it. I feel Musharraf's mother has played a vital role in this, I would like to thank her. India's power has thus been made evident on the global front, thanks to Congress government. The Indian Government will make sure that Musharraf gets prime seats and pop-corns while watching the match and will take care to ensure that he is comfortable.

Interviewer : Ji, I was asking you about you the U.S. decision to cancel visas of many important Indians.
Manmohan : Baap re baap, is this true? How come Sonia ji never told me about this? I am sorry, I will be right back.

Manmohan (to Sonia) : Arey Sonia ji, you have given me the wrong piece of paper to memorise from, these people are here to ask me about some U.S. decision. They say visa cards are no longer valid in the U.S. Can I please apply for a Masters Card, please Sonia ji?

***

Interviewer : What are your thoughts on this Vajpayee ji?
Vajpayee : Is desh mein ganga *looks around for 7 seconds* behthi hai. Bharath desh mein *looks around for 12 seconds* kyunki saans bhi kabhi bahu thi. *looks around for 6 seconds* The people *looks around for 2 3 seconds* of India *looks around for 29 seconds* are by no means *looks around for 4 seconds* lesser *looks around for 7 seconds*.......

Interviewer : Due to shortage of video tapes, were winding up here folks. We assume that Mr. Vajpayee is not taking this lightly. We will continue live telecast of this event tommorow at the same time. Mr. Vajpayee should have reached the conclusion part by then, hopefully. Thank you folks. Good night.

***

Interviewer : Does this disappoint you Laloo ji?
Laloo : Yes. I very disappoint. Doctor tell me I have mad cow dijeej.
Interviewer : Not that Laloo ji. Do you know the U.S. has denied your visa?
Laloo : How they can? I influence high in Buffalo region. Train and bus no run in bufallo tommorow.
Interviewer : How is that possible Laloo ji?
Laloo : I cowboy they cowboy. Cowboy to cowboy good relason. They protest for Laloo. I give fodder to Buffalo, buffalo faithful.

***

Interviewer : Are you worried about this Mr. Srikkanth?
Srikkanth : Arey, yeh kya. Life mey yeh subkuch bilkul hotha hai aur teek hai. Apnae influence use karke mey isko nothing kar dhoonga.
Interviewer : What would you do sir?
Srikkanth : Sirf natural game khelna. U.S. ke beech mey time spend karthi aur green card paathi.
Interviewer : Paathi?
Srikkanth : Hamarey gaaw mey "paathi" katti hee soar eat-they hai. Paathi kattinae se buthi aatha aur mere aatha kush hotha.

Interviewer : We will let you know what he meant pretty soon folks. We have sent it to Dan Brown to decode the message. If you know what he meant please SMS your answers to 7878. Thank you.

***

Interviewer : Your view Captain?
Vijaykanth : Dayavu seithu Damil-la kaelunga. Enakku aangilam pidikkathu. Aangilam namma podara pant maadhiri, aana thamizh namma podara underaayar maadhiri. Underaayar illama pant poda neenga enna Sooberman-a?
Interviewer : Neenga idhai pathi enna ninaikkareenga Captain?
Vijaykanth : India-la motham 157 U.S. embassy irukku. Adhula Damil Nadu-la mattum irukkara embassy-oda ennikkai 23. Idhula daily vara visa abblication 2378. Adhula rejet bannara abblications 1987. Indha 1987 abblications-um poda makkal selavu alikkara thogai 97,856. Aaga motham India-vukku oru naalaikku nastam 93,856 roobai. Adhaavadhu kitta thatta 2123 dollar. Idhunaala abblication rejet banna India yelai naadu aagum-nu U.S.-ku therinjuduchu. Adhaan abblication rejet pannaraanga. Dei George-u, indha ACF Ramana-va pathi unakku seriya dheriyaathu, we will meet, will meet, meet.

***

Interviewer : Sir, unga comments?
T.Rajendhar : Dei bushu, pannaraen da unna flush-u, enakku kodukka maattiya visa, idhukku unakkuenna tharanam fees-a, vida maataenda unna lesa!

***

Interviewer : Your reactions sir?
Subramania Swamy : Idho paarungo, enakku veecha kodukka maataen-nu sonnava enna nanna purinjukkathava. En pullaiyaandan America-vula irukaan. Thoappanaar-a paarkanum-nu aasai paataan. Adhaan naan anga pogaalamnu irundhaen. Amma Condoleeze Rice, unga paer-laye Rice-nu vechirukkael, Annapoorani-aana neengaley ippadi ellam seyyalama? Idhu ellam sitha kooda nanna illai.

***

Lets voice our views against the U.S. and stand up in potest as a nation like these people. Cheers :-)

Wishing Good Luck

Babes from Bollywood wished the Indian team good luck on the eve of the 2nd Test at Kolkatta. Captain Sourav Ganguly was present at the Agri Horticultural society of India along with prominent filmi celebs like 17 kisses queenMallika Sherawat, Pardes girl Mahima Choudhry and Sonali Bendre. He was not pleased by the proceedings though, since Nagma was nowhere to be seen.

After the event, the organizers arranged for a special programme in which the four celebs posed questions to each other concerning cricket and films. It was surprising to find them knowledgeable in each other's field. I managed to acquire exclusive rights for the transcript and am producing it below....

Sourav : Let's get to business directly, shall we, I don't have much time on hand.
Mallika : Busy preparing for the upcoming test is it?
Sourav : Absolutely. I don't want to take any chance in front of my home crowd. They are used to burning effigies. I hope they would stop with that coz life is such a wonderful thing and I have just seen around 30 years of it.
Mahima : What are you doing to avoid this?
Sourav : I have bought 500 effigies out of my own pocket and have placed them at various points in the stands. I request the people to use it.
Sonali : That's realy thoughtful of you Saurav. Tiger bisucits have helped you a great deal I guess.
Sourav : What do you think about cricket Mallika?
Mallika : I have been watching cricket ever since I was 6 years old. I was a fan of Yuvraj Singh then.
Sourav : Yuvraj Singh?? When you were six years old??
Mallika : Yeah, that sikh guy. He runs really fast on the field. They even have this bread company named after him you know.
Sourav : Modern Singh?...Spencer Singh?..Best Bakery Singh?...Gosh, I guess that's Milka Singh.
Mallika : Yeah, he. Isn't he just awesome?
Sourav : Yeah he is. Just that he doesn't play cricket.
Mahima : Pardon her ignorance Saurav.
Sourav : That's ok. Like-minded people always excite me.
Mahima : Have you seen films Saurav?
Sourav : Ofcourse I do. I last took one passport size at Netaji Studio for my 10th Standard boards.
Mahima : I am not talking about photo films or negatives here.
Sourav : Oh, I am sorry. You talking about cinemas?
Mahima : You have a good grasping power.
Sourav : Thank you. I love films. It has been my passion to direct a commercial film.
Sonali : Are you going to act in it Saurav?
Sourav : Ofcourse yes. Haven't you seen my Tiger Biscuit ads? People tell me I act very good.
Mahima : That was probably in comparison to your perfomance on field.
Mallika : But don't you think Milka Singh played really good for India?
Sonali : Mallika, I guess you are feeling very nervous here. Probably removing a layer of clothing would help you.
Sourav : I was wondering too, that would be better Mallika. *Looks around to check if Nagma is anywhere in the vicinty* Coast clear, yes Mallika, that would be better.
Sonali : Are you very strong square of the wicket?
Sourav : Very much. I hit shots with pin-point accuracy. Even if there is only one slip, I give the poor lad a chance to prove himself.
Sonali : You are often hailed as the best Captain in India. Your comments?
Sourav : After Vijaykanth, yeah.
Sonali : Ever considered writing an auto-biography Saurav?
Sourav : Nagma has been insisting that I write one. She has given her expert opinions on this too. We even have a title - "Short Ball, Shorter Saurav".
Mahima : We often hear people saying that you are incapable of playing the short ball.
Sourav : Pass.
Mallika : Hmm...Please Saurav, tell us.
Sourav : That is a grammatical mistake.
Sonali : What??!! What do you mean?
Sourav : Yes. How can I help it if short balls bounce as high as 6 foot? Aren't they supposed to live upto their name?
Sonali : What do you think a short ball is?
Sourav : *Saurav calls for his son* Pintoo yahaan aa jaao bete.
Sonali : Why are you calling him here?
Sourav : Yahaan dekho pintoo. Seedha kadey ho jaao. Haan, madam, short balls should be only this high.
Mallika : That's a brilliant explanation Saurav. You play much better cricket than Milka Singh. Ummmmmma.
Sourav : One down, 16 to go!
Mahima : You are out of your mind Mallika. Something is disturbing you dear.
Mallika : This thing, this dress. It's very sultry.
Mahima : You are already in two piece Mallika!
Sonali : Mallika, do you have anything to ask Saurav?
Mallika : Yes, yes. Cricket is played with bat and ball right?
Sourav : Perfect.
Mallika : How is it any different from......
Mahima : Mallika!!
Mallika : ....I mean why do you have 11 per side and two umpires ....
Mahima : NO!
Mallika : .....to tell you when you are out, don't you.....
Mahima : Quick, somebody help.

*Krishnamachari Srikkanth comes to the help*

Srikkanth : Arey madam, usko chod dheejiye. Woh sirf apney natural form mein hain. Natural game khelna bahuth important hain. Agar woh natural game khelega tho Bharath maatha jeethega. Or else haar jaayega. Yeh tho bilkul sahi jawaab hai. Mein kishnamachaari srikkanth bol raha hoon natural game ki alawa aur kuch khelega tho uska halwa hi milega. Kuch kuch hotha hain. Hum aapke hai kaun madam?

So, now you guys know why news did not spread about this incident. As visitors to my blog, you guys had the opporunity to know about it. Spread word and let more people know. And lets wish our players good luck in the next test. Cheers :-)

Vanthutaanya Vanthutaanya!

Finally, there is hope for the people of Tamil Nadu. The man is coming to politics. After proving himself to people with his tremendous acting perfomances on the silver screen, our Captain is now set to prove it on the political front. If he becomes the CM, then Tamil Nadu will benifit a great deal.

Bullet proof car ellam thevai irukkathu. Captain podum orange colour coat pakkathula bullet kooda nerungaathu. Appadiye nerunginaalum Captain adha alek-a dodge panniduvaaru. Kashmir laenthu Kanyakumari varaikkum theevaravaathigal-a arrest panna Captain ku security-ey thevai illa. Kaveri prechanai-a theerka, Karnataka CM-a he will meet, will meet, meet. Damil patru jaasthi. So edukesan of Kadiresan and Kumaresan will improve. Damil Thaai Vaalthu will be replaced by Karuppu dhaan enakku pudicha colouru, doi-on doi-on. Computer technology will improve at such a rapid pace that students will be taught to type in Windows Media Player. Adhukku suitable R&D will be provided.

Looking at such news, my fears are increasing. Is the prediction of Siththar that Chennai will be submerged in 2010 true? :-(

Vaalga Damil. Valarga Damil Makkal.

Hot hot Goblet of Fire!!

Here is reason why you must watch Harry Potter and The Goblet of Fire!!

New Valentine Bear

I have been getting high quality pics of all sorts in my mailbox these days. Some adorable ones of Sania (sigh!). Some weird ones. This is just one among them.

I assume these would be Valentine Bears that would hit the market in the next year. I am now wondering what each on signifies. Looks like the first one says, "It's pretty hot with all these clothes on." The second one suggests, "That was heaven." And the third says, "Get to the doctor before it is too late." The fourth one assures you of a break up if things get out of control. So choose one that best describes your relationship and gift it your love :-)

P.S. : My sincere apologies to all the teddy lovers.

My Valentine! :)

The first time I saw her play was on Saturday and it did not take me long to take this decision. Ain't she cute? I haven't asked her yet. So what you guys say? Can I go on with this? ;-)