Tuesday, February 22, 2005

The Solar System and us

First let me assure you that this is no NASA stuff. I am not going to talk about layers of ice discovered in Mars by some arbitrary outer space rovers. Nor am I going to talk about large eyed, double headed, green, slimy aliens that have multi-coloured tube-lights, like in Star Wars, as an integral part of their weaponry, and speak to George Bush aboout when they would destroy the world using this ultra modern defence system. That was a pretty long sentence I believe. Breathe. Relax. Now with this assurance, read on.

I was in no mood to go to college today eventhough I got up pretty early. I was kinda gloomy when I woke up and felt like I needed somebody to hug and get back to sleep. Since I wouldn't settle for anybody below the likes of Aishwarya Rai, Anna Kournikova etc I was left with no other choice. I had to wake up at damned six thirty in the morning. My parents' words were still echoing in my ears - "You never have the luck in examinations". I was with them, completely, until I heard what my friend had to say when I met him in the evening. Only 23 students, out of a total 120 in my department, had cleared the examinations. What do I call myself now? Lucky? Unlucky? I'll stick with Praveen for the time being :-)

There are many ways to change your destiny, your fate, your luck. Now that's what this post is all about. Breath again, a sigh of relief, for you have finally got a vague idea of what's in store in this blog.

Fortune telling, for those who believe in it, is something that is so powerful that it is capable of predicting the number of children Laloo Prasad Yadav has at a given point of time, accurately. For those who don't believe in it, it is something that suggests that the life of a man with six senses is decided by a bird, a parrot, which just has five sense. In short, they treat it as a seventh sense, viz. nonsense. In addition, there are certain associated fields like Vasthu Shastra and Lucky Stones that deal with corrective procedures. Let us delve into the details and understand the art better.

It is the study of an old, worn out paper at home that has some yellowy stuff at the four corners and a noughts and crosses kinda box in the center? This is what astrologers work on. That yellow cornered paper, a huge atlas, holds the key to your life according to this art. It really is important that you get someone trustworthy to work on this dirty bit of paper. "Saturn is in the 8th house and Jupiter is in the 4th, so invest your money in cotton mills", you might have heard some say. You will know that he is the wrong person when you find out that Saturn is in the 2nd house but you are on the streets.

Kili Josiyam
Often found in the roadside. A parrot that is not in control of its own life, determines your life. Generally used by our meteorological department to predit weather and give out Tsunami warnings. People say that India did now not have the proper alert system. The truth is, it did. Just that the parrot was unwell on that day. It was thus a case of system malfunction.

This is what people actually mean by "Your life is in your hands". You can be a palmist if you are good at geometry. Just look at the lines in your palms. Each has some significance depending on its depth and length. Draw lines parallel to it, construct a tangent, mesaure the angles and you are done. Very effective technique. It is infact rumoured that the Tamil Nadu police are perparing concrete evidence making cuts in Jayendra Saraswati's hands with a Gillete Platinum edged blade in order to prove that he is a criminal.

Lucky Stones
If you are having a financial crisis, all you need to do is shell out around 25K to wear a diamond ring and your time may get worser or worst depending on your time. This usually deals with corrective procedures. Eg : Laloo, who had cattle as his children, had humans after he wore a silver ring studded with Topaz. Every stone has some specific power. The stone which is recommended to you depends on the financial situation of your seller. As they say, it does a lot of good, but to the seller. You can either buy a lucky stone and wear it in you hand and get a paarangal and put it on your head. The effects are pretty much the same.

This is an art of weird spellings. If you spell your name in the normal, ordinary fashion then your life is bound to be filled with problems. It generally is an easy procedure and can be experimented by everybody. If you are facing any problem, just try increasing the number vowels in your name keeping in mind that the pronounciation is still intact. Repeat this procedure till you actually get satisfying results. Eg : If you are having problems and your name is Pravin, try making it Praveen, Praveeen, Praveeeen, Praveeeeen and so on. This way you'll find that signing your name is a greater problem than your original problem itself. Thus the problem will lose its significance.

Vaasthu Shastra
One of the highly recommended procedures to demolish houses. Your pooja room faces east, your kitchen west, your hall south, your bedroom northeast and bathroom northwest, else you face a crisis. So you approach a Lion K.Somebody [that's how these guys usually have their names] and ask them to remodel your house so that you can sleep in the hall, eat in the bedroom, shit in the kitchen and invite your guests to be seated in the bathroom. If you do not like this idea, then you need to completely remodel your house - remember you are already in a crisis? So it is infact a lot better to build your houses in the north pole where all directions face south. But again, you are in a crisis and you can't travel that four. So the only option is to arrange for more seaters in your toilet for your guests to sit down.

Other than these, we also have Naadi Josiyam, Vethalai-la Mai Poattu seeing, Masuru Kodu Sumathi Kaataraen used in Singara Velan etc etc. All these help you know about what lies in store for you in the future.

Saw my fortune on a website for today. It said, "I will inherit a large sum of money". I was verry happy until my friend reminded me of the seventy bucks I owe him!

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