Monday, July 04, 2005

Mama calling, stop there!

Travelling in Chennai has become an ordeal recently. The pollutants in air, especially in places like T.Nagar, make sure that your nasal cavity can no longer be called one. The cacaphony of the city gouges your ear drums good enough to make them bleed as much as you sweat in the sweltering heat ( Ya ya, its a widespread case of "Why blood? Same blood"). The traffic moves at a pace slower than your favouritest mega serials. The bumpy roads assure you that you travel a great deal along the Z Axis too. The list of hurdles is never ending.

When you travel bearing all the pains of the same, on your way, at a distance, you spot something. You wonder if that's perhaps a pillar in a Mahabalipuram temple. But it can't be, you are in the city. As you move closer, you see a glimmering STOP sign. "Oh, that something or someone seems like Captain Vijaykanth", you may think. You are on the right track..that's his colleague. Chennai City Traffic Policeman (CCTP...abbreviation-ku ellam kuraichal illa) who are endearingly addressed mama.

We definitely need to salute their effort to control the traffic. But at times, looking at them, you may believe that they are indeed the cause for the blockade. Policemen are recruited after several physical tests as everybody knows. I seriously do not know if running out of tape to measure the waistline is an important criterion. If not so, how mamas baloon up even under the hot sun is probably attributed to expansion of gasses at higher temperatures. A red pom-pom is the only missing ingredient to earn a part time job in Gemini circus. It sure is a pity that this is the image which conjures up in our mind when we think of our CCTP men. Unfortunately, facts are here to stay.

Mamas are very strict on the last ten days of the month. That's when their duty beckons them. Kadamai unarchi azhaikkum...due to lack of funds. If you are stopped by one on your way, unless you are a blood relative of both Karunanidhi and Jayalalitha, the mama gains some money. Since that is an impossibility, the mama always gains. A typical incident involving a mama would be . . .

Mama : Stop!
Man : *poachu da* Enna sir?
Mama : Licence irukka?
Man : *irundha mattum vidava pora?* Illa sir.
Mama : Va va, oaram kattu.
Man : *eppadiyum idha dhaan solla pora*
Mama : 500 rupees fine saar.
Man : *manasula rules ramanujam-nu nenappa?* Sir??
Mama : Aamampa Sergeant romba strictu.
Man : *avar dhaaney, nee illaye* Sir avalo kaasu illa sir.

Now mama uses the scratching technique to communicate. Till date only head and palm scratchings have been reported, but dunno what is in store for the future.

Mama : *scratching head*
Man : *munna pinna shampoo poattu kulicha dhaaney* Enna sir?
Mama : Enna saar puriyaatha maadhiri kaekkareenga?
Man : *puriyuthu da puriyuthu...aandaandukaalama idhey code word dhaana?* Kaasu illaye sir.
Mama : Irukkartha koduthuttu po pa.
Man : *free-a koduthu echi dhum kooda adippiye* Sir 25 dhaan irukku.
Mama : Enna saar neenga, ivalo costly bike vechuttu 25 dhaan irukka unga kitta?
Man : *unakku kodukkarthukkaga blank cheque-a vechu irupaanga. Vaangara lanjathukku logic vaera* Petrol poattutaen sir.
Mama : Seri seri, irukkartha kodunga.
Man : *seruppu irukku, adhaala kodukkava?* Indhaanga sir.
Mama : Oru vagai-la idhuvum nallathu dhaanga.
Man : *unakku nallathu, enakku?!* Eppadi?
Mama : Sergeant-na 500 rupees poattirupparu saar, edho neenga namma aalu-nu naan vidaraen.
Man : *aamama, enakkum unakkum poorva jenma bandham paaru* Thanks sir, romba nallavaru neenga.

So this is precisely how mama manages to maintain the cash inflow during month ends too and support his family.

Beware of mamas. Its not all that difficult especially when you just cannot miss spotting them. Stay away from mamas as much as possible.

Happy driving in Chennai! Cheers :-)

Doubtu : Why has Captain not yet played a traffic police in any film?

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