Tuesday, December 20, 2005

Not here, please!!

Are you sweating profusely inspite of a cold wave? Is there a traffic jam on the footpath? Does the smell around you make you badly want to bury your face in a railway toilet? Welcome to T.Nagar - the busiest shopping area in our galaxy.

Shopping in T.Nagar is not an easy task. It requires a lot of patience and a great amount of stupidity to choose it as the venue. If you were to visit all the shops in the area, you'll actually not come out before 2020 A.D. So, here's a little FAQ that would help you guys to go around the place and be prepared for the worst.

Where is this T.Nagar?
Nobody knows accurately. It is just this lovely place in Chennai, which if you decide to visit for the second time, you get a free seasonal pass for a window-side bed in Kilpauk hospital.

Sounds like a holiday package..what if I manage a third visit?
You get one year free admission at Yervadi, next to Sethu Vikram. Cost of chain included in the package.

Oh! You said it's a lovely place. Do people go there for sight-seeing?
Kinda yeah, it is Chennai's own version of "Suicide Point"

Can we shop there?
There are just two things you can do at T.Nagar. One,shop and two,die. The former is optional though.

My wife wants some good silk sarees. Where do I take her?
Push her into Pothys and run. This is your best chance to live with some self respect in future.

What if I stay?
You automatically qualify for Bihar elections.

What if I go in too?
If you are Gopi, you'll come out as Gopi 65.

I heard gold is pretty cheap at some place there?
Very cheap yeah, not just the rate. I guess you are talking about Ranganathan Street, Annachi shop.

Ya ya. How do I go there?
You just need to stand at the start of that street. Close your eyes. Open your eyes. You are inside Annachi shop, courtesy : fellow shoppers.

Can I take my vehicle?
Shut up! Even Laloo wouldn't do that!

Oh is it very crowded?
Yeah, by the time you count the number of people around you, they can telecast Junoon twice.

Junoon?? What's that?
Kadavule! Paathathu illiya Junoon neenga? Periya athu megaserial. Pesuvaanga maathi maathi thamizh athula.

Oh! By the way, do men shop in T.Nagar?
Wise men stay away. Married men do shop.

I heard there are lots of platform shops?
There is no platform. Only shops.

Whatever, how good are they?
Very good infact. You get all sortsa brands including Nykee, Ribok and Adeedas. At cheap rates that too!

Hey isn't that phony? The spellings are all messed up!!
Naah. They have been changed according to numerology, that's all.

Fine. Is there any good restaurant there?
Ya, Saravana Bhavan.

Wow! What would I get there for, say 50 rupees?
Quite a lot. Half a dosa, 5 ml Sambhar and some pebbles.

Pebbles? Why??
Huh, you are dumber than a crow! To raise the level of sambhar ofcourse.

No chutney is it?
They have it in a big vessel near the entrance. You are allowed to take a peek.

That's bad. But I heard there's a hot chips too?
You'll be a hot chip yourself once you step into Ranganathan Street.

How is the air pollution level in T.Nagar?
One deep breath and you'll die on the spot, money back guarantee.

So many issues, eh? Finally, what's the best thing about T.Nagar?
Variety. So many shops, so many dresses and so many accessories. Even if you escape death by other mean, you'll be confused to death!


I sincerely hope this FAQ doesn't become applicable to Mylapore in the near future. I've been here for more than twenty years and can't bear to see Mylapore become as chaotic as T.Nagar! I have no clue why the Govt. gives permission to build multi-storeyed buildings in the crowded Mada streets - Saravana Bhavan, Kumaran Silks, SM Silks and Sukra Jewellers all have shops in the area now. Pothys and Nathella are planning to open big showrooms too, I heard. Boo hoo! Get away, we don't need you!! :-(

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