Saniyan - Part 2

Read Part 1 here

Due to IP constraints, I guess you guys get free pass for this show. Probably try paying for the tickets by ONLY ONE amukks. IP different-a irundha laabam dhaan. Edhukku viduvaaney? :-)

Continue to story...


Kambi goes running to the Saneeswaran kovil nearby. "Kumaran VII B", "Selvi X A"-nu already sevuru-la kirukki thalli irundhudhu. Sevuthula kirukka idam illai. Kambi is on his way home, dejected. He stops at Nair kadai 0n the way.

Kambi : Nair, sooda edhavathu kodunga.
Nair : Kolli kattai irukku vaenuma?
Kambi : Vilayadatheenga Nair...kudikka edhavathu kodunga.
Nair : Aamam, nee periya Sania Mirza, un kooda vilayaadittaen. Indha kudi.
Kambi : Indha tea-il niram, suvai, dhidam edhuvumae illai!
Nair : Naaye, adhu tea-ey illa, coffee.
Kambi : Nair kadai-na vazhakkama tea dhaaney irukkum?
Nair : Oasi-la kudichuttu naaye logic pesariya, mooditu kudi da.
Kambi : Enakku indha coffee vaendaam.
Nair : Yaen?
Kambi : Enakku pidikkala.
Nair : Dei free-a kodutha phenyl-a kudikkara case nee..unakkaga ARR BGM poattu Leo Coffee-a kodukka mudiyum? Vaenaamna poda.
Kambi : Cha...ingayum madhippu illa namakku.

Seri naama pesaama veetukku poi thalai-la thanni kottikalaam-nu Kambi goes home.

Amma : Ennada Kambi ummm-nu irukka?
Kambi : Onnum illa.
Amma : Manasula enna Narasimha Rao-nu nenappa unakku? Sirichu thulaiyaen.
Kambi : Complain panna mudiyala ma.
Amma : Yaen?
Kambi : Anga sevuthula already niraya paer kirukki irukaanga ma.
Amma : Moothevi, Saneeswaran kovil sevuru-na appadi dhaan irukkum, nee complain panna vara-nu distemper-a adichu veppaanga?
Kambi : Avangaloda complaints ellam naan eppadi ma azhikkarthu? Thappu illiya?
Amma : Dei avanga enna FIR-a ezhuthi vechu irukaanga. Summa ellarum kirukkina maadhiri neeyum kirukkaen da, yaen ippadi uyira vaangara?
Kambi : Irundhalum adhu seri illa.
Amma : Appo naalaikkum thalai-la thanniya oothikka poriya? Seruppala adippaen. Mariyaathaiya poi kirukkitu va.

Kambi goes back to the temple. Irukkara kari thool vechu he registers all the complaints and comes back home hoping for justice to be done.

Graphics use panni edhaavathu vidhai kaamchu oru 50 lakhs spend panni inga shot-a cut pannarom, to maintain suspense.

Nextu scene..

Man : Yaaru nee?
Saniyan : Saniyan.
Man : Unakku enna vaenum?
Saniyan : Nee dhaan vaenum.
Man : Aaha...avana nee!!
Saniyan : Chi....Yaenda car-a niruthala?
Man : Naan enna traffic constable-a vara pora car ellam nirutharthukku?
Saniyan : Un car-a andha periyavar adi pattapo yaen niruthala?
Man : Niruthanum-nu sattam edhuvum illiye..
Saniyan : Oho...sattam irundha dhaan ungalukkellam manidhaavimanam, irakkam ellam varuma?
Man : Dei director punch dialogue pesa sonnar-nu ippadi esakku pesakka kelvi kaekka koodathu.
Saniyan : Sollu da. Yaen vandi-a niruthala?
Man : Phone panni kaettu sollava?
Saniyan : Naan inga Kaun Banega Crorepati-a nadathittu irukkaen, solluda kammanatti.
Man : Dei road-la pora aayiram vandi-a vittutu enna mattum yaenda indha naatham pudicha edathula vechu torture pannara?
Saniyan : Indha question out of syllabus. Bunker sir script-la illa.
Man : Ippo ennandra nee?
Saniyan : Unna kolai panna poraen.
Man : Un paechukku adhuvae paravala....please konnudu!

Saniyan takes him to shooting spot of Perarasu and pushes him into the sets where Captain is doing a fight scene. Captain solti solti kick kodukkara scene-la slip aagi ivan maela vizhundhu the guy dies on the spot. Saniyan leaves a clue on the spot of the murder for police to investigate.

M M T I T A A A N K

Next Saniyan goes to Nair kadai...

Nair : Yaar nee?
Saniyan : Ellarayum poga sollu.
Nair : En kadai enna Vani Mahal size-laya irukku. Irukkarthu orey bench, idhula 1000 customers okkantha maadhiri-na pesara nee?
Saniyan : That's better.
Nair : Dei nee loose-a? Illa loose maadhiri nadikkariya? Naan enna sollaraen, nee enna sollara?
Saniyan : Un paeru enna?
Nair : Tea Kadai vechirukkara en paeru enna Vladimir Putin-na irukkum, Nair dhaan.
Saniyan : Yaenda Kambi-ku seriyaana tea kodukkala?
Nair : Neeyuma da? Adhu coffee da dei, ippadi ethana paeru da kelambi irukeenga?
Saniyan : Anju paisa thirudina thappa?
Nair : Thappu illa.
Saniyan : Anju kodi paer dhinamum anju kodi thadava anju anju paisa thirudina?
Nair : Baby Anju-ku kuzhandhai pirakkum
Saniyan : Ennathu??
Nair : Pinna enna da..kolai panna vanthuttu maths class-a edukkara?
Saniyan : Sollu thappa illiya?
Nair : Thappu-na enna pannuva, thappu illa-na enna pannuva?
Saniyan : Eppadiyum kolai dhaan pannuvaen.
Nair : Pinna ennathukku periya Sidhartha Basu maadhiri quiz nadathi GK test pannitu irukka? Edavathu green-a thittida poraen!

Saniyan pushes him inside veneer gunda and closes the lid. Another jumble for the police..

A A N T R H I

Nextu break wire manufacturer...

Man : Hmmmm
Saniyan : Yaen brake wire arunthu poachu?
Man : Hmmm
Saniyan : Enna da mukkara?
Man (biting the plaster off) : Thu...vai-la plaster poattu kaetta nimbal eppadi bathil sollaraan?
Saniyan : Ippo sollu.
Man : Nimbal yaaru? Abdul Kalam maadhiri mudi vechirukkuthu?
Saniyan : Saniyan.
Man : Nimbalki inna vonum?
Saniyan : Yaen tharam illatha break wire thayar panna?
Man : Nimbal yaen adhu loosu maadhiri vaanginaan?
Saniyan : Naan cutsomer
Man : Naan manufacturer. Adhukku nimbal inna panna sollaraan?

Saniyan ties his mouth and leaves bambaram in his thoppul which is picturised beautifully by Bunker. Aani kuththi septic aagi seththu poidaraan andha aal. Indha kolai-ku clue...

N N P D A I A A

To be continued...

PS : Planning to end it in probably a couple of more parts. Do let me know if you can tolerate it. Illa-na ingaye "Kadhai thiraikkathai vasanam direction Bunker"-nu board poattuduvaen :-)

PPS : Thanks for the ticket rates! You guys paid me around $2 for the first part alone :-)

Saniyan - Part 1

On the eve of Sani Peyarchi

'Sucker' V.Heavychandran presents

A Bunker film

Saniyan

'Meow' Chakram as Kambi, Homo and Saniyan
Sodha as Vandhana alias Vandhi

Foreword : After being dumbfounded by Special Saadha's 'beauty', Director Bunker decided to aptly change her name to "Sodha"

Ticket rates : One amukks of the Google Ads on the left ur screen please. Thank you!
One amukk is sufficient coz of IP constraints. And Public Service Ads are a big no-no. Wastu! :-)

***

Continue to Story...

Sun rises beautifully over Dumil Kuppam. The kuppam has bungalows and skyscrapers since this is a Bunker film and the producer is someone else. Kambi is peeping outside his window's irumbu kambis and jollu vittufying at a mokkai figure at the compulsion of the director. Joom sot. Is that a scarecrow, people are made to wonder. Oh that's Sodha..Vandhana rather. She is teaching gaana songs to the youngsters of her kuppam and the all the guys seem visibly upset by this beauty...understandably so.

Kambi : Amma, naan kulikka poraen.
Amma : Poyaenda, edhukku en kitta sollara, naan enna bathroom-a ribbon vetti thorantha kodukka mudiyum?
Kambi : Illa ma, venneer ready-a?
Amma : Kozha-va thara. Madras veyyil-ku vara thanniye sooda dhaan varum. Veena gas-a waste pannatha.
Kambi : Amma, bathroom-la soap illa.
Amma : Nee lawyer-a irundhu sambaathikkara 1000 roobai-ku Dove soap-a vaanga mudiyum. Bathroom sevuru-la muthugu thaechuttu vanthu saeru.

Kambi : Amma, coffee.
Amma : Dei 30 roobai soap-ey vaanga kaasu illa, idhula unakku Simran kudikkara Sunrise coffee vaera poattu kodupaangala.
Kambi : Appa innum ezhunthukkaliya?
Amma : Ivalo seekiram ezhunthu, avar enna Tendulkar maadhiri net practice-a panna poraar. Thongattum manushan.
Kambi : Seri ma naan kalambaraen.
Amma : Dei kambi, indha da edho letter vanthirukku. Enna-nu paaru.

Saniyan avatharithu vittar. Ungalukku nadakkum anyayangalai Saniyan-idam theriviyyungal. Avargalukku 18 patti panchayat nidhigal padi kadumaiyaana dhandanai vazhanga padum. Ungal pugaargalai pakkathil irukkum Saneeswaran kovil sevuththil kari-aal(charcoal) kirukkumaaru kaettukolla padugireergal. Indha kadithathai 8 paerukku anuppinal ungalukku arivu valara vaaipu pragasamaaga irukkirathu. - Ippadikku, Saniyan.

Kambi : Enna ma idhu?
Amma : Enna yezhavo da. 8 paerukku anuppu. Appadiyaavathu unakku arivu valarutha paarpom.
Kambi : Seri ma, naan office-ku poraen.
Amma : Aamama, nee rules ellam paarthu indha traffic-la poi saerarthukulla, vaangara 1000 roobai-kum loss of pay dhaan. Seekiram poi thulai.

Kambi leaves to office on his bike. On the way, a guy spits on his face.

Kambi : Yaenda en maela echai thuppina?
Man : Ipposathikku adhu mattum dhaan vanthichu, thuppinaen.
Kambi : Echai thuppittu mariyaathai vaera illama pesara nee?
Man : Saniyaney, mariyaathaiye illathathu naala dhaan echai thuppinaen. Thudachuttu poi velaiya paaru.
Kambi : Cha...naatula yaarum nambala madhikkavey maataengraangaley!

Next Kambi sees people not following traffic rules and shouts at them...

Kambi : Ippadi yellow line thaandi poriye, arivu illiya unakku?
Man : Indha pakkathulaenthu paartha nee dhaan yellow line-ku andha pakkam irukka!
Kambi : Edhirla vara vandi ellam eppadi pogum?
Man : Dei office pora tension-la irukkaen, idhula unakku Internal Combustion Engine pathi ellam class edukka mudiyaathu, mooditu po.
Kambi : Traffic jam aaga poguthu!
Man : Idhukku maela pesina maganey padukka poattu adippaen.
Kambi : Cha...naatula yaarum nambala madhikkavey maaraengraangaley!

Kambi's brake wire gets cut. And he accelerates fully to crash into a nearby tree. According to laws of cinema, break pudikkatti vehicle must be accelerated fully until you find something suitable to crash it. Acceleration kammi panni, ignition off pannarthu is strictly prohibited. Aadhi kaalathulaenthu cinema-la indha loosu thanam dhaan nadakkuthu. So commercial success-kaaga naanum en padathula appadiye vechuttaen.

Kambi : Ennaya brake wire thaayaar panreenga?
Dealer : Thaayaar-a? Adhu dosai mix paer-la?
Kambi : Sorry, pathatathula oru kaal poattutaen.
Dealer : Yaaru maelae?
Kambi : Un pondatti maela.
Dealer : Adi seruppala, shaithan-ki bacha.
Kambi : Dei, naan Nedumudi Venu ka bacha.
Dealer : Seri seri vishayatha sollu.
Kambi : Brake wire pinju poachu.
Dealer : Cha...imbuttu dhaan. Nimbal bayanthutaan.
Kambi : Ennaya ippadi sollara? Oru uyirukku ivalo dhaan madhippa?
Dealer : Un uyirukku idhuvae jaasthi...jaao jaao!
Kambi : Cha...yaarum enna madhikkavey maataengraangaley.

Kambi then decides to go to his office by bus. There he sees Vandhana, the mokkai figure sitting.

Vandhana : Kambi, inga okkarunga.
Kambi : Vaendaam, adhu ladies seat.
Vandhana : Adhunaala dhaan sollaraen, okkarunga.
Kambi : Cha...Vandhana kooda enna madhikka maataengraaley.

Indha situation-la paattu thevai illai dhaan. But hero-heroine pakkathu pakkathula okkandha sila touchings ellam nadakkum. Andha gujaals-a celebrate panna "Kumari" song-a inga fit pannikkarom. Super location-la shoot pannathu. Super super poo-ku nadoola pichaikaari get up-la(without make-up that is) Vandhana dancing something between Bharatanatyam and Dappanguthu. Summa oru dhrishthikaaga aada vittathu.

Nextu serious scene. Kambi sees a man dying on the road and wants to help him desperately. Kai neetti neetti paarkaraan, as usual oru payalum madhikkala. Kadasiya un ilicha vaayan maatinaan.

Man : Yaenda vandiya niruthina?
Kambi : Sir sir, konjam help pannunga sir.
Man : Adhellam mudiyaathu, naan Hotel Atchaya-la Jalaja-oda jalsa panna poitu irukkaen.
Kambi : Adhu varaikkum uyir thaangaathu sir.
Man : Yaen nee auto-la kootittu poyaen?
Kambi : Adhu Bunker sir script padi, andha idea enakku thonaathu sir.
Man : Ippo ennandra nee?
Kambi : Avara hospital kootittu poganum.
Man : Mudiyaathu poda.
Kambi : Cha...yaarumae enna madhikka maataengraangaley.

Idhellam mudichuttu Kambi reaches court. Adhukulla closing time. Idha symbolise panna oru long shot-la court builing maela rendu kaka parakka vittu (graphics kaka dhaan), sunset-a kaamchu scene-a cut pannidarom. Idhuvum part of Tamil cinema tradition.

Kambi reaches home and starts pouring water over his head.

Kambi : Yaarum enna madhikkarthu illa. Madhippae illa enakku. Enakku mariyaathaiye illa.
Amma : Dei Kambi, moonum adhae dialogue dhaan. Ippo edhukku echo effect kodutha nee?
Kambi : Yaarumae enna madhikka maataengra ma.
Amma : Idhu enna puthusa? Chinna vayasulaenthu ippadi dhaan daily thalai-la rendu bucket thanniya oothi oothi Madras-la thanni kashtamey vanthudichu. Innum unna oru payalum madhicha paadu illa.
Kambi : Naan ennama pannatum?
Appa : Pesaama quarter adichu kuppara padu. Goodnight.
Amma : Summa irunga. Peththa payyan kitta pesara paecha adhu?
Appa : Idhukkaga pakkathu veetu payyan kittaya solla mudiyum idhellam?
Kambi : Appa, mokkai podaatha pa.
Amma : Dei kambi, innikku kaarthaala oru letter vanthuthae Saniyan kitterunthu. Nee vaena Saneeswaran kovil sevuthula poi kirukki paaraen un kashtatha, enna nadakkuthu paarpom?

To be continued...

Note : Ticket charges pay panna marakkatheer

PS : Indha kadhai thaanga mudila-na, please ask me to stop right away! :-)

Banned!!

Click to enlarge

Scientist's say that the Indian Government's ban on smoking in films has reduced the impact of global warming a great deal. The ice caps are no longer melting at the rate they used to. The average temperature of Chennai has decreased from 1000 deg celsius to 998 deg celsius. The world is thus becoming greener, thanks to such revolutionary laws put forward by the Government.

The Government should thus seriously consider banning CFC Refrigerators, Sudarshana Homams, Ganapathy Homams, Pump-la "Thanni Adikkarthu" etc etc on these lines.

Issued in public interest by Praveen.

Anniyan : Review

After his controversial "Boys", Shankar tries his hands in his own area of expertise. A visual treat fantasy with a strong message. Anniyan, in my opinion, is a decent comeback of Shankar. A rave review from Sify rated it as a "Must Watch". That probably had shot up my expectations sky high.

Contains spoilers in italics :-)

Essentially, the theme of the film is a hybrid of Indian and Mudhalvan with a Brahmin backround to give you the Gentleman feel. I simply loved these three Shankar ventures, but this hybrid impressed me lesser than Shankar's earlier attempts.

Read Full Review...

Ambi is a lawyer who goes by the rulebook. A good slice of time is wasted by showing all the crimes happening in the society...lack of civic sense, lack of traffic discipline, lack of sincerity etc etc. People already know this, atleast after watching Shankar's earlier movies. Chopping down these scenes could have easily helped to shorten this unnecessarily long three hour flick. Ambi's lady love lives next door. She hates Ambi for not being practical.

This is when Ambi comes across anniyan.com, which gets information from the public about crimes and defaulters. The criminals are punished according with Garuda Puranam, the Hindu equivalent of Judgement Day. Ambi registers his complaints and Anniyan deals with the criminals by brutally murdering them. The other Vikram, Remo is all set to impress Sada as he is blindly (pun intended) in love with Sada. Who these characters are, why they come into being and how they exist forms the rest of the story.

It is the hurt in Ambi's heart which results in a multiple personality disorder. He wants to deal with criminals, which he is not able to do as Ambi. Anniyan is born. Sada rejects him and Remo is born to impress her.

The high point of Anniyan is Vikram. He has done a brilliant job in portraying the three characters of Ambi, Anniyan and Remo. His voice modulation and body language are a class of its own. The characters have been beautifully merged by Shankar.

Alternating as Ambi and Anniyan within seconds in the last scene has been carried out with panache. A truly laudable perfomance.

The other characters pale in comparison to Vikram's. A protaganist oriented film in every sense. Prakash Raj and Nasser do little cameos. The rest of them are just there to do some crime and die :-)

Vivek seems to have better comedy in store after shedding his montonous and stereotypical "Adapaavi adapaavi". He makes you laugh the little while he is on screen. The best of his punches being...

Vikram : Naan Nadhini (Sada) kitta kaadhal sollanumae.
Vivek : Ava thani-a irukkarchae theliva sollidu, mudinja oru kiss koduthu sollu.
Vikram : Naan-a??
Vivek : Pinna idhukkaga Kamal sir-aya da koopda mudiyum?

Sada is really saadha. I don't know why Shankar could not find a better heroine! She looks pathetic in my opinion. He could have atleast tried some graphics to make her look good. The only time she seems pretty is during the "Kannum Kannum Nokia" song.

Song picturisation in Shankar movies need no introduction. Breathtaking. A major portion of the 27 crores was probably to picturise these six songs. "Kumari" has been shot in a truly unimaginable place. The rows of colourful flowers look stunning. Sada stands out in between spoiling the beauty. The sets for "Iyengar Veetu Azhage" are fantastic. "Kannum Kannum Nokia" has been shot brilliantly in the Petronas towers and the KL airport. The art work and paintings done for "Andankaka Kondaikkari" is...am out of words! "Kadhal Yaanai" does not have anything special though, just a rampwalk fashion show stage and a camera covering Yana Gupta from all the right angles :-)

Graphics...another inevitable part of a Shankar movie. They have been used sensibly at most places. Overdone at times, but one doesn't truly mind an overdose of graphics in a Shankar movie. That's part of the trademark.

Harris Jeyaraj's music sounded better with the visual effects. It took some time for the songs to grow on me when the cassette released, but with Shankar's magic on screen I don't think anybody would not like them. The BGM was good too, but for a small imitation of ARRs Mudhalvan music for Arjun. It went something like "Il thakka sayya, ooh ooh masakkaiya, varaan da anniya". Am definitely sure I have messed up the words a great deal, but after interpetting it the way I did, I said two holy words...one beginning with O, followed soon by another starting with M :-)

For one who has observed these alone, the movie may be an awesome creation of Shankar. But there are lapses, which I felt were palpable.

The first half could have definitely been a lot better. Unnecessary scenes portraying the umpteen number of crimes were clearly a drag. The "Thiruvvaiyaaru Festival" train journey and scenes were also obnoxiously long. So much of time devoted to portray just that Ambi is not a lover boy. The narration could have been a lot crisper. By interval, we were left wondering if Anniyan had taken 2 years to complete coz Vikram had to grow his hair longer. It seemed utter crap to me till then. I knew he was conveying the usual message, which I realise even if I hadn't followed the movie. It's a Shankar movie afterall. But the flow was not smooth.

Romantic scenes between Remo and Nandini were highly irritating. Too filmi to be present in such a movie. The moon hiding itself when Sada looks at it was the height of sarcasm perhaps. Pathetic to say the least! Plus, she not finding any similarity between Remo and Ambi in appearance reminded of MGR movies where a small mole on the right cheek is enough to conceal MGRs identity from the villains.

Every punishment supposedly has a name in Garuda Puranam. Anniyan leaves the name of each punishment jumbled at the crime scene. Why? Probably Anniyan, the animal, is good at solving puzzles.

The stunt sequences, especially the one in a martial arts class was too lengthy and predictably matrixy. My liking for timefreeze shots reached its saturation long ago and is on its way down now. To watch a scene which is an exact replica of Neo Vs 100 agents is a pain in the neck for a Matrix fan like me.

Prakash Raj and Vivek always turn up in mufti at the crime scene to avoid alerting the killer. This completely lacked sense, for the place already had 100s of police officers and forensic experts. Just two extra people and I fail to understand how the killer would be alerted. Such brilliant logic can be found in a book called "100 Bed Time Stories for Laloo".

The way Prakash Raj solves the case is far too childish. A good investigation to show how things fall in place ala Indian, was defintely missing. Instead, we have Vivek surfing the web to inform Prakash Raj, "Sir inga paarunga anniyan.com-nu oru interesting website irukku" was probably a parody of the Police Department? It rather seemed a self mockery.

Ambi, Remo and Anniyan appear instantaneously on the same body as the situation demands. Towards the end, Ambi turns Anniyan the moment he sees a crime happening. Why this was not the case when Ambi was witnessing the crimes on earlier occasions too fails to be understood. Defies logic.

I liked the climax though. But for it, I surely wouldn't have liked the movie even as much as I do now.

On the whole, with a little bit of care this could have been a much more sensible movie. The characterisation is awesome, but the naration failed to impress me. Two years of hard work and 27 crores...I surely expected a better product. At the same time, this is not something which can be completely written off as a flop. I don't think the movie would be a block-buster, but definitely a hit because people just want entertainment when they step in to watch a Shankar movie and on that front people will be satisfied.

On a scale of 10, I would probably give it 6 compared to 9 for Indian and 8 for Mudhalvan. You switch off your mind and you'll probably give it 9.

The message giving part of it is getting boring rather than thought provoking. He is not going to bring about a revolution in India for godsake! He couldn't have got a U/A certificate for BOYS without bribing the authorities afterall! And yeah...lanjam ozhiga! I guess it is high time Shankar changes the theme of his movies. What say??

I want more

Baby, white chick, have you any dress,
Yes honey, yes honey, three wardrobes full,
One for the fashion, one for my taste,
And one for the tradition that is long down the drain.

"I want more" is generally the attitude which women have when it concerns anything related to beauty. The moderate size wardrobes do no justice to the dresses, beauty products, jewels and other accessories which a girl owns. Nothing short of an abyss would actually do justice.

A girl starts filling up her wardrobe right from her childhood. (Some "modern" girls use these dresses even after they grow up) That is understandable however, a baby always wants more. It is cute then. After seven donkey years, if you still have the same practice, it is obviously more irritating than cute. One of the main reasons a guy tells his lover, "Nee kattina pudavai-oda en kooda vaa" (come with the saree u are wearing) is to avoid having a 500 sq.ft wardrobe in his 800 sq.ft. apartment. So, that is said more with fear than with magnanimity.

The way guys and girls buy dresses can be summed with ease up in one sentence. Guys buy dresses for occasions and girls create occasions to buy dresses. Even a stone age leafy costume on World Environment Day would do because its a new addition to their collection nonetheless.

"Hey new dress is it? What's special?"
Boy (beaming) : Its my birthday you see.

"Hey new dress is it? What's special?"
Girl (how could you ask me such a question?) : Ofcourse..this is second Saturday you know. Got one for tommorow too, heard its the second Sunday.

Though every girl has a mini Naidu Hall at her place, they constantly spot new designs. Ok, nobody would complain if they stopped with the spotting designs thingy. It goes without saying that shopping is due that weekend.

HEADLINES : Common Entrance Tests cancelled for the current academic year.

Mom : That newsreader wears new sarees everyday and all of them are fantastic. Wonder where she gets them.
Aunt : Yeah, last week during the Tsunami news braodcast, she wore a yellow saree with pink border. It had a zari like the one you got for your anniversary in 1905.
Sister : Amma, look at that chain she is wearing, I want one like that.

Dad (to himself) : Bank poi paisa edukkanum. Indha maasam bonus ippadi indha Shobana Ravi-aala naasama poguthu.

Commonplace happenings eh? Its always a mini mega-serial at home even when Tsunmai strikes or WTC collapses.

Variety is the spice of life, agreed. But you girls are already spicy enough, dress doesn't matter :-)

Similarly, the make-up thingies are usually overdone. Powders, creams, lotions, lipsticks, lipglosses and a dozen other items yet to be named are an integral part of a girls' purse. Makes you wonder if make-up or make-over is the right word for the process.

Certain things for which girls go to beauty parlour really make me laugh.

Me : For what are you going there?
Girl : Bleaching and threading.
Me : Bleaching I know, they did that for toilets before all this Harpic and Domex came in...but threading?
Girl : Thats for removing these hairs. Shaping your eyebrows and stuff. They tie a knot with a thread and pull it out.
Me : Tamil-la sonna m***** pu*********?

Even the hottest of babes go to the parlour to become hotter. That's something that puzzles me.

Why do girls always have this "Yeh Dil Maange More" attitude? Is it that they never stay content with what they have? Or is it hormonal the way men and sex are inseperable? Why? Kyun? Yaen? Yaendi? Yaenulu?

The only time a girl's "I want more" attitude is fruitful is in....guys know what I mean ;-)

Disclaimer : I've described in detail about the situation and I am not complaining. Won't be complaining till I get married atleast :-) So it is just curiosity...which is probably gonna kill this cat? :-)

Note : Feel free to bash the author. Controversies and fights are encouraged :-)

Cheers :-)

Career Opportunity

Are you an idiot? Is your maths knowledge limited to hand and mind calculations? Do you think a gene is a popular clothing material? Are you the maker of sunscreen which Ganguly uses? Did you vote for Laloo Prasad Yadav in the elections?

If you answered yes to any of the above questions, it is unfortunate that I have such readers. Anyways hi! Actually you have come to the right place, coz this post is aimed to help you prosper in life. Yep, you have all the pre-requisites to make a blockbuster mega serial.

After you go through this FAQ, you will be fully equipped to make a soap out of Ammani's quicktales and thoroughly destroy their beauty. In short, you will taste success as a mega serial maker.

What is a SOAP?
Any story narrated at a Simply Obnoxious and Agonizing Pace.

How did it start off?
Started in Egypt to celebrate the birth of Tutankahmen. But he died before he could see it.

How do I rope in a producer?
Take a Godrej Hairdye with you. Find a young blood and narrate the complete story. Hand over the hairdye if he accepts your project...he'll definitely need it.

Whom do I approach?
Personal questions shall not be entertained.

No, no, not that. For investing money?
Oh. Actually just get a free sponsor for like a lifetime supply of glycerine. The rest you can pay from your pocket easily.

How do I name my project?
Depends on the language. If its a Hindi serial, the name must be nothing short of 5 ft long. Something like "Ek gawn mey ek kisan raghu thatha" or "Is desh mey Ganga behthi hai" would do. Tamil serials are more into relationships. "Onnu vitta Chithappa", "Rendu vitta perippa" and "Moonu vitta naathanar" might be considered.

What should be my motive?
To make people cry.

What if they don't?
You are worser than an idiot. You should probably stand in the next elections, preferably in Bihar.

How do I make them cry?
Make people die every 100th episode and mourn for the next 99. But remember mother-in-law and daughter-in-laws are invincible. In short, even a serial titled "Mangalam" should be filled with "yezhavu" scenes.

How do I maintain suspense?
Slow motions help a lot. Make sure people take one full episode to climb a flight of stairs. Just in case its your 100th episode, push him down the stairs and kill him.

What if it's a 99th episode?
What goes up has to come down (pun unitended!). So push him when he climbs down the stairs in the next episode.

Why do people like it? Isn't is so gloomy??
It's human mentality. Everybody faces a lot of problems. When they see some people facing more problems, they are happy.

When should I end the serial?
When you feel you don't know what has happened in the past 1784 episodes, stop introducing new characters. Make all the characters assemble in a beach. Wash them out with a Tsunami. Your office being stoned is another indication that a Tsunami must strike at the earliest.

Can I dub the same serial into other languages?
Yes you may, the rules are all common. But make sure you don't use Kris Srikkanth to dub it into Hindi. His way of saying "Hotha hai" doesn't suit family audience.

When do I know my serial has succeeded?
When a guest entering a house at primetime is greeted with a sarcastic "vaanga" meaning "yaenda vantha? unakku vaera velaiye illaya? Andha Metti Oli mamiyar seyyara kodumai poraathu-nu nee vaeraya? Nimmathiya serial paarka vidariya nee? Sandala", then your serial is a hit.

Disclaimer : This in no way is to suggest that directors of megaserials are idiots. Any such feeling is purely because of your perception and factual knowledge.

Cheers :-)

Saniyan

Special Thanks To
Rahu and Kethu

'Sucker' V.Heavychandran presents

A Navagraha Presentation

SANIYAN
He who rides on a crow, is not responsible for the filth on statues.

Starring
'Meow' Chakram and Special Saadha.

"Anju paisa thirudina thappa?"
"Thappu illinga"
"Anju kodi paer dhinamum anju kodi thadava anju anju paisa thirudina?"
"Baby Anju-ku kuzhandhai pirakkum"
"Ennathu??"
"Pinna enna da..kolai panna vanthuttu maths class-a edukkara?"

**

"Lanjam vaanginaya?"
"Vaangala"
"Naan sollaraen nee vaangina"
"Pinna ennathukku enna kaekkara?"
"Un vaai-laenthu unmai varavazhikka dhaan"
"Arivuketta moothevi...lanjamey vaangaraen, poi solla maataena?"

**

"India eppadi munnerum?"
"Shivashankar Baba sonna paechu kaetta"
"Avar enna sonnar?"
"Enakku theriyaathu"
"Pinna munnerum sonna?"
"Confusing answers kodutha late-a kolai pannuva, adhaan"

**

A Bunker film

Made with a budget of 26 crows

Coming soon to a blog near you.

Wohoo!!

First, a HUUUUUGE thanks to Sudhish!! :-)

This page in The Hindu talks about young bloggers...and you should know why I am on cloud nine by now! My blog, my fun work, has been mentioned!! Ya, you knew it by the time I put up the link, but what the heck, I wanna say it out! :-)

Dog Lover Curses, Saeppu Sattai Vinod G and Aakashavani Sandhya were also mentioned.

First thing,showed it to my dad and he was like "dei, timepass-a?" coz thats what the stupid me told Sudhish when he called up a couple of days back thanks toCurses too who gave my number to Sudhish.

Boy, doesn't this sound like Miss Universe thingy minus me closing my face and talking about world peace and Mother Teresa?? I'll cut that now!

Only yesterday I was surprised to find my Mock Interview doing its rounds as a forward message (without bloody acknowledgment!) and ironical reaching me from my friend saying "Tips To Prepare For Interview"! I was like dei, enakkeva! Today I find it quoted in The Hindu. Made this already special day even better!!

Bloggers meet coming up today. Oh yeah...let me check my schedule and tell you if I can make it! ;-)

THAAAAAAAAANKKKKKKKKKKKK YOUUUUUUUU ALLLLL FOR YOUR PATIENCE!! :-)

Me Tagged!

Have been lazing around ever since I got back from my vacation. I've just been roaming about buying gifts for a couple of people and feel rather numb. That's the reason why I am not able to sit in front of my PC and type something!

Earlier, I used to hunt for topics. Now I have topics in hand, but no mood to write! Simply-a old people tell Kalla kanda doggie missing, doggie irundha kal missing-nu?!

Anyways, I was tagged by Surusuruppu Sigamani, Vaira mookkuththi Visithra to do this thingy and so, here goes.....!

THREE NAMES YOU GO BY
KP (K.Praveen short form!)
CP (Chinna Payyan short form!)
Chellam (College-la out of form!)

Conclooson : Endha paradesi-um en sondha paer vechu enna koopdarthu laethu.

THREE SCREEN NAMES YOU HAVE HAD
Rattlesnake (on ICQ)
Pappara Pappara Paein (on MSN)
Prav (Summa oru bandha short form)

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF
Right leg-la rightmost toe-la irukkara nail.
Adhukku pakkathu toenail.
And ulnaakku.

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS YOU DON'T LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF
Velinaakku
Ma...err..hair
Nose

THREE PARTS OF YOUR HERITAGE
Nanjai
1 acre nilam in each of the 18 patti.
Pumpset

THREE THINGS THAT SCARE YOU
Captain's eyes
Captain's smile
Captain

THREE OF YOUR EVERYDAY ESSENTIALS
Pillow (Katti pudikka)
Bed (Kavunthu adichu kuppara padukka)
Air-conditioner (A/C room-laye poranthu valanthavan you see)

THREE THINGS YOU ARE WEARING RIGHT NOW
I dinno this question was coming up. Badly dressed. So idhu pass.

THREE THINGS YOU WANT IN A RELATIONSHIP
Solla maataen! Idhu ellam therinjukittu yaarum enna impress panna try pannatheengapa, already gals thullai thaangala :-)

TWO TRUTHS AND A LIE (in no particular order)
Naan nallavan.
Naan romba nallavan.
Naan kettavan.

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS ABOUT THE OPPOSITE SEX THAT APPEAL TO YOU
Long hair
8 hands
Kai-la gadhai

Note : Enga amma-ku vara pora marumagal Mahalakshmi maadhiri irukkanumaam.

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO REALLY BADLY RIGHT NOW
Go to toilet
Flush
Get back and complete this

THREE CAREERS YOU'RE CONSIDERING
Court Davali
Kanakku Pullai
Gumaastha

THREE PLACES YOU WANT TO GO ON VACATION
Moonu
Naalu
Anju

THREE KIDS NAMES YOU LIKE
Kutti Chaathan
Mayandi
Munima

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE
Play mixed doubles tennis with Anna Kournkiova, Sharapova, Sania Mirza etc.
That's it god, am all urs then!

THREE(make that more!!) PEOPLE WHO HAVE TO TAKE THIS QUIZ NOW
Open invite to all velai vetti illatha makkal like Curses, Krithika, Vani, etc. Summa busy-nu scene podaama ezhuthunga pa :-)

Ippo me escapes. Tata :-)